“Hi, Susan,
I’ve been with my now-wife for about two years now. Although she was open to more experimentation at the outset of our relationship, I’ve discovered — because she has told me — that her orgasms are based overwhelmingly on clitoral stimulation. I recognize this is quite common among women, but not among women I’ve been with.
My wife almost always declines to let me use my fingers to stimulate her G-spot or to stimulate her from behind (doggy style). I’ve realized that she does not feel any g-spot stimulation, and I’m turning to you to find ways to activate and reactivate her from the inside out, particularly her g-spot.
I realize adequate time and warm-up are always essential and something you have recommended, but I fear this will take longer. Are there skills and sex toys you would recommend to stimulate her on the inside and give her more powerful vaginal orgasms?
(Although I would love to go down on her and repeatedly suggest I would love to prime her by doing so, she is self-conscious and claims she doesn’t enjoy the licking sensation down there. Part of this is cultural and does not like being the center of attention. I compliment her and tell her I love how she tastes and smells.
The bottom line is that I feel like the tools in my toolkit are limited because she doesn’t enjoy oral sex and won’t let me use my fingers to stimulate her G-spot or take her from behind. This leaves me with just clitoral stimulation with my fingers and missionary, but I would love to boost her libido with more powerful, versatile orgasms. Thank you in advance! ”
— Anonymous
Thank you for loving your wife, knowing there’s more, and wanting to help her be open to the pleasures and health benefits of her sexuality.
We women labor under so much shame, trauma, and lack of knowledge, which leads to fear. Thank goodness she has you to lead her.
I have many resources that will help you. You came to the right place!
Let’s break this down. You will need to educate her, activate her pleasure pathways through touch and mind-body connection, and slowly add new opportunities for experiences as she gains confidence. She will open up to you as you gain her trust by first helping her with baby steps.
She is going to need some help understanding her anatomy. And that women can feel pleasure all over their genitals, both inside and out. But the tissue needs to be touched to awaken. What feels numb or shameful at first will yield slowly through your love to transform into pleasure. I call this orgasmic awakening.
Over time, as the pleasure spreads and she’s willing to allow your touch to new areas, she will feel confident enough to try new positions such as doggie. Instead of forcing her to do doggie, it’s best to let her know about many positions. Then, she can choose one that appeals to her. Try reading through my 7 Stimulating Sex Positions tastefully illustrated guide together and see what appeals to her.
She also needs to understand that anything new sexually takes a couple of tries to start feeling incredible. Nothing is an INSTANT success, just like making a recipe. The more you make it, the better it tastes.
Another key concept is that sex gets better your whole life long if you are willing to keep learning together. And that she is just at the beginning of moving into her sexual awakening and pleasure potential. And that this is what couples do for and with each other through their love.
If you’re ready to do this, I’d recommend the following first steps:
1) Read these articles on genital anatomy, activating the mind-body connection, and orgasmic activation together.
Orgasmic Activation Map To Female Genitals
My 3 Best Strategies For Her Orgasmic Sex
Women’s Top Erogenous Zones
Orgasmic Cross-Training Tools
Intensifying Body Pleasure
Fascinating New Vagina Discovery!
Mutually-Satisfying Intercourse Tips
The Six Key Sex Skills for Orgasmic Intercourse
How To Arouse Him
Boners and Yoners
2) Buy and read or listen to the audiobooks from our Seduction Trilogy program. She doesn’t need to learn this. This is for you, the masculine sexual leader.
This is going to give you the skills to become her sexual trainer. You are a man, and you have to get into her world. This explains how to open her to her pleasure. It’s a system called the Four Keys to Seduction that works.
3) I think the G-Spot awakening is an excellent idea that you had. Once she begins to understand her anatomy and the concept of orgasmic awakening and activation, the G-Spot de-armoring is a perfect next step.
I don’t want you to “graduate” to tools until you get very dexterous with your hands. Your touch is very connected to her, and you can feel her nonverbal feedback. Tools are for a year or two from now.
Get our Female Liquid Orgasm program and watch it yourself first. Then, show her some of the videos of a couple pleasuring the woman’s G-spot. They are tasteful and designed for couples to watch together. They are not porn in any way. Once she sees what is possible, it will be easier for her to get there herself.
4) Keep stroking her clitoris throughout all the things you do. It will get muscle memory, which will allow her to come more reliably so that when you’re trying new things, you can orgasmically cross-train. Get her coming from clitoral stimulation and then add in new touch areas to awaken them.
Get that far, and let me know how it is going. Don’t force the sex positions yet. Just get her comfortable with you looking at her genitals and awakening them.
Then, over time, she will warm up to the possibility of oral pleasuring, toys, and new positions.
Let me know your questions and how it goes. I appreciate your feedback. You’re a good husband!
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