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Boners and Yoners (Part 8 of 8)

We’ve now reached the final part of this epic Arousal Series. So, what’s my last, ultimate arousal tip for lovers?

Give her a “Yoner.” 

I watched a video of one of my mentors talking about the importance of female genital engorgement, and she made a funny joke. 

She called it a “Yoner.” A Yoni Boner. 

I love Yoni (Yo Nee) because it’s much prettier than the more medical language of vagina and vulva or urogenital complex. And we’ve talked a lot about clitoral boners, aka Clit Boners or Lady Boners. So when I heard “Yoner,” I thought, “Oh, perfect!”

Men, give your lady a Yoner. And ladies, encourage your lovers that this is the way to make you massively orgasmic.  

Engorgement, simply put, is when the erectile tissues in our bodies fill with blood, creating pleasure during intimacy. Both men and women have erectile tissues, though it’s more visible in men. For women, engorgement helps in achieving super-satisfying orgasms.

Men’s arousal is often more noticeable, but what’s fascinating is that women have as much erectile tissue in their genital areas as men do! I felt I’d discovered a secret world of female pleasure when I first learned this.

And it truly is a “secret” to most lovers. 

Many people don’t know about female engorgement, leading to an “Orgasm Gap.” Most men can climax easily, but it’s more complicated for women. 

But don’t worry. There are ways to bridge this gap!


1. Learn Anatomy: Understanding what’s happening in your or your partner’s body can heighten pleasure. Watch an educational video together. The more you know, the better you’ll connect. 

2. Take Your Time: Rushing intimacy can hinder the engorgement process for women. Remember how I said I used to rush things when I was younger? I’ve learned that slowing down can lead to more fulfilling experiences.

3. Communicate: Open communication between partners is vital. Ask each other what feels good, and take the time to explore. There’s no one-size-fits-all in pleasure! Get my Dirty Talk book. I give you MANY sultry lines that make lovemaking exhilarating for beginners and pros at dirty talk. 

4. Understand Your Needs Every Time You Make Love: Just as a man wouldn’t typically have sex without being fully aroused, a woman must be physically ready, too. Understand these needs, and you’ll be on the path to a more satisfying love life. Check out my videos on BetterLover for a treasure trove of ideas. 

5. Put extra attention on her breasts, nipples, lips/tongue, and mouth early in a lovemaking session. The nips/lips/clit axis will swell her Yoner from the inside out. Then touch her vulva all over to get it to swell from the outside in. She will get a max Yoner that way.

This image of Play-Doh shows that a blue penis and a red female genital system have the same amount of erectile tissue, just formed in different shapes. She has a clitoris, a urethral, and a perineal sponge that when combined, weighs and takes the same amount of space as the erectile tissue in a penis. It takes her 20 minutes to get the same Yoner it takes him two minutes to get a boner. 

Playdough Penis

It’s essential to recognize that the sexual experience for women and men is equally valuable and vital, though different in some ways. Understanding these differences and similarities can enhance our sexual well-being and deepen our relationships.

I hope this information inspires you to explore, communicate, and enjoy your intimate life more fully. Let’s close the Orgasm Gap together and make love a more fulfilling journey for everyone involved.

Susan With Leather Thing

If you missed the other series:

All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The Food and Drug Administration has not evaluated the statements made on this website. This company’s statements and products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease.

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