I hope you are having an incredible day today! Great job getting through the last six Arousal Secrets articles. We are now on the 7th!
It’s not that men aren’t complicated. They are. And each guy is unique. But here are the simple tools to crack the code on a guy’s sexual happiness.
Men’s arousal comes with its fair share of shame and performance anxiety. He needs to know he is wanted above all else. He needs to know you’re happy being with him. And he wants to be reassured he’s doing a great job as your lover.
And unlike women who don’t want to be grabbed by the crotch right away, men appreciate having their penis touched early and often. And he needs to know you love his penis. Remember, he watches porn and sees all those giant schlongs. Guys can feel insecure about their package. Reassurance goes both ways in the genital appreciation department.
Learn how to stroke him and orally pleasure him. Use tools to add stimulation in a variety of ways. The more of an engorgement base you lay in, the less anxious he feels about ejaculating too fast. A nice, slow warm-up is not what most guys ever get. Give him lots of physical attention.
Every man has different fantasies and desires. Some men love their women in lingerie and heels. Other men love it when the woman takes charge. If you want to learn how to dominate him in a sexy way, do this. Some guys like a slow roll with lots of soft stimulation and caressing. Others love to get pegged. Some guys love physical sex with many positions in various locations. The variations are as endless as male fantasy, evolving as he matures. Asking him about his latest fantasies will inform you about what he’s currently into.
One of the best ways to add fun to your sex with a penis owner is to incorporate toys into your lovemaking. The strokers, cock rings, prostate massagers, and dildos I recommend add a lot of fun, variety, and new sensation into your sex dates. Sometimes guys are too shy to ask to use toys, so buying them for your man is good.
ORGASMIC CROSS-TRAINING FOR MEN
Since men can have 20 kinds of orgasms, helping him learn how can be very heart-connecting. I think the basic technique that supports all the other types of orgasms is The ME Breath we teach in Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men. When he can separate ejaculation from orgasm, he can quickly expand his orgasmic repertoire. If he feels like he comes too fast or can’t come without ejaculating, the ME Breath teaches him how. Then he can move on to having full-body male multiple orgasms. Then from there, the sky’s the limit orgasmically.
The other skill that is super helpful when having sex with men is direct communication. At first, some guys take feedback as failure. But when you use the Sexual Soulmate Pact bedroom communication strategy, he begins to LOVE feedback. He eats it up. And soon, he’s giving YOU feedback.
Without good communication, you stay stuck in a safe rut. Being comfortable talking during sex about anything from what isn’t working to what you desire is a massively empowering step toward the best sex of your life.
Once you get there, you can layer in “dirty talk.” I don’t like that word because dirty talk doesn’t need to be dirty to be sexy. I explain the six kinds of sensual talk in my Dirty Talk book.
There are six verbal sex techniques you can play around with before, during, and after sex:
- Focus on the effect your partner is having on you
- Say what you see
- Share how you’re feeling
- Tell a sexy story
- Moaning and verbal biofeedback
- “Sharing Favorite Frames” afterward
Moaning is HUGE for guys. They need visual and auditory cues to help them tamp down the performance anxiety that they struggle with. They want to do a good job so badly that they get nervous. Because in man-land, there is a pecking order. If you’re not winning, you’re losing. Ladies, I cannot stress the importance of this enough! He needs to be reassured what he’s doing is working.
Let’s hear you moan!
A boyfriend of mine has a bad hearing in one ear. He asked me to please moan LOUDLY and often for him so he could get good feedback on what was working for me. I could never remember which ear it was, so I compensated by being LOUD. He loved it, and I grew to dig it too. It accelerates my arousal to moan my pleasure. It made our sex very hot together. I truly think one of the reasons we are so sexy is because of the moaning. Now I’m a full-on moaner with all my partners, and I’m so glad I am! Practice makes it easy.
He is also verbally encouraging to me, and I am to him. “Yes, baby. That feels so good.” It can go a LONG WAY in making sex great.
Scheduling Erotic Playdates with him so he can look forward to being together is also calming to a guy. They are so horny all the time from the testosterone coursing through them that having a date on the horizon is reassuring.
If you haven’t yet created your Sex Life Bucket List, do this now. Use this as your first Erotic Playdate. This will tell you exactly what he wants to do. Then do it. Easy. No guesswork is required.
The bottom line, a guy wants Presence, Encouragement, and Enthusiasm. PEE. He wants you to be consciously in the moment with no guilt about having sex. He wants you to meet his energy and be here now, not up in your head worrying about things outside the bedroom.
He wants to know he’s doing a good job. Encourage him to take his pleasure. Let him know you’re feeling good.
He wants your appetite for him to be palpable. The more gung ho you are, the more at ease it makes him that you truly desire him. This helps him get over any shame he has for his sexual desires. Let him know you are happy.
Bottom line: Attitude is a huge part of what a guy wants in his lover. Plenty of sexy stimulation and enthusiasm will make him feel you are the best lover he’s ever had.
There you go! The things that are important to most guys are all in one place.
Now scroll down and check out this week’s freebies, goodies, and articles.
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