This is part 5 of my Arousal Tips Series.
And so far, in these opinion pieces laced with new research and imagery, we’ve learned that:
1) You can use Orgasmic Activation to expand your sensation and pleasure
2) You can leverage specific pleasure tools to Orgasmically Cross-Train your body to have more orgasms from a wider variety of touch
3) fMRI’s proved that when you stimulate multiple locations simultaneously, you increase orgasmic intensity
4) A woman’s vagina is not an inside-out penis, and it needs different stimulation to achieve orgasm than the penis does. The shape is important!
5) Confounding factors have contributed to women’s relative difficulty achieving orgasm compared to how much easier it is for a man… And how we can reframe our thinking to level the playing field to have equal intercourse satisfaction.
These days when I have intercourse, it feels amazing the entire time, and I have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm.
When my body tells me she’s ready for penetration, I’ve already had thirty orgasms. I even ejaculated a few times from Tim’s Yoni massage using the Female Liquid Orgasm strokes to help me release my womanly waters.
My orgasms start quietly and softly. They build and intensify. I begin moaning. And by the time I’m having intercourse, I’m growling and not-exactly-screaming but moaning for long periods. My orgasms get longer, and I come harder as I get more and more aroused. This is normal body behavior… the stacking and expanding orgasmic intensity.
Sometimes we have the time/energy to do different positions. As you may have read lately, I’m really into cowgirl women on top, so that I can control the stroke speed and depth.
Today we have neighbors coming for dinner, so we both culminated in a simultaneous guttural, screaming orgasm. It took 10 minutes to come back to earth and get up.
This is from a woman who, at 42, finally had her first orgasm from intercourse.
My point is that we get better at coming as we age if we also continue to get enough arousal and engorgement before penetration such that we feel like our sex life keeps getting better.
Unfortunately, it’s more often that women give up on intercourse… much to the chagrin of their male partners.
Why the mismatch in libido?
It’s not a mismatch in libido. It’s a mismatch in desire from not getting enough arousal before penetration.
If you were penetrated too early, too often, such that you never achieved your orgasmic capacity, you wouldn’t desire intercourse after a while.
So why is it so easy for guys to climax compared to women?
NUMEROUS CONFOUNDING FACTORS
I have some insights, observations, and theories for you as to why it’s so easy for guys and harder for girls to orgasm from intercourse.
And I want you to know having multiple, successive, increasingly pleasurable orgasms during intercourse merely requires a woman to get the inputs her body needs to feel massively orgasmic. The inputs are blood flow, brain activation, and stimulation (plus safety).
But before I give you the road map to Orgasmic Intercourse, let’s highlight two areas contributing to this desire discrepancy.
1) Men have several sexual competitive advantages (and some disadvantages).
2) History and culture have misdirected intentions.
The healthy XY Chromosome male with a penis gets a hard-on throughout the night, in the morning, and frequently during the day. Males are testosterone dominant such that it makes them horny. Males are biologically wired to want to masturbate frequently. This keeps their semen fresh in case they can impregnate the female of our species. This often has them thinking sexy thoughts to facilitate their release.
Further, the male gets a very fast erection due to the hemodynamics of the blood flow to the penis.
He’s horny and ready to penetrate.
The XX Chromosome female with a vulva has as much erectile tissue in her vulva as her male partner does in his penis. But it’s all inside, under her skin, wrapped around her vaginal pocket and urethral exit (where her pee comes out). It takes her 20 minutes to begin getting her erection… and it can take an hour to get decently plumped if it’s been a while since her last encounter.
The difference between the flaccid and engorged genitals of a woman is shockingly different. The vulva and vagina should be plump and lubricated before being penetrated. She knows when she’s ready.
And a couple is wise to be patient and enjoy all other types of warm-up sexual pleasuring first. Manual massage and oral pleasuring of three key areas before penetration are vital: The lips, mouth, and throat. The neck, chest, breasts, and nipples. And the entire vulva. From the mons across the top to the perineum and fourchette, both outside along the groin and labia first… Then under the hood to the clitoral glans and shaft.
Next, inside the inner vulva in the vestibule and the vaginal door but not inside the vagina.
Starting from the periphery of her body and slowly moving inward allows her to relax and open to her pleasure. I call this my Bullseye Touch Technique. Don’t go for the bullseye. Start at the outer rings and work your way in.
Men are straightforward and ready to penetrate, and they often press themselves too quickly into a woman’s vagina. She never gets warmed up.
This warm-up is crucial for her to have as much or more orgasmic pleasure from intercourse.
The less she’s achieved orgasms, the more performance anxiety she has. Anxiety pushed her orgasmic possibility away. And she gives up or thinks she can’t.
Now let’s add to the anxiety by heaping on a bunch of cultural shame. Pick any number of issues from the Madonna Whore Complex to “Sex is for procreation only, so the only thing that is “sex” is intercourse where he ejaculates. Now we end up thinking intercourse is sex, and everything else is foreplay or aftercare. Rush to the “goal.” She gets left behind.
It’s the “foreplay” she needs to relax and begin to climb her arousal stairway.
- Full body touch.
- Long hugging and holding.
- Being close.
- Verbal appreciation and encouragement.
- More kissing.
- Breast worshiping.
- Stroking her back, butt, and thighs before ever touching her genitals.
- And then the Bullseye Touch strategy when she’s ready to pleasure her vulva and vagina.
Further, consider that little girls are raised to oblige and please. To put others’ needs first. To keep quiet and be a good girl. Breaking that pattern can be a bitch.
She’s also taught that she’s “dirty” when she bleeds—that’s far from the truth. The vagina is delightfully lubricated by menstrual blood and seemingly puffier than at other times of her cycle.
She worries she’s taking too long. She fears she doesn’t look, taste or smell good. She’s in her head thinking of a million things because she’s prey, not the predator in the animal kingdom of the Homo Sapien. Her estrogen dominance makes her worry more than her male partner as a measure of biological self-preservation. His testosterone gives him confidence or “balls.”
So when you add all these obstacles to her desire, you can see why she needs her partner to help her get going.
Presence, Encouragement, Engorgement. Oh god, that spells PEE.
Well, you won’t forget it.
But the number one thing is MINDSET.
If she doesn’t believe she can orgasm from intercourse. If she thinks it’s her. If she doesn’t realize all female bodies can orgasm from intercourse with a good-fitting penis, then this is where you start.
Get out those lickers and stimulators for Orgasmic Cross-Training and get her engorged and orgasming. Then she will love intercourse because it will make her orgasm too.
Read my Orgasmic Intercourse series of penis and vulva intercourse techniques. Get well beyond “the old in and out” to come well.
These are the tools I recommend for Orgasmic Cross-Training.
All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.