Spice Up Your Sex Life
Here are three exciting ways to keep your sex life from getting stale:
1) Fantasy Elicitation
2) Role Play
3) Expanded Orgasm Dates
An elicitation is when you evoke or draw out someone’s answer, thought or response in reaction to your question. Fantasy elicitation is when you share your fantasies with your lover and enjoy the arousal that comes from the conversation. What makes this particularly fun is when your partner enhances your fantasy.
Ways To Share
If you share your fantasies while making love it can increase the hotness even more. Texting fantasies to each other while you’re apart can also increase the general turn on between you two. Sharing fantasies in the car together can also be a fun way to generate arousal outside the bedroom. Another fun way to amp the pleasure is to enhance your partner’s fantasy by telling them a story involving their fantasy while you are giving them a sensual massage. A man can give a woman a genital massage with warm oil as he’s telling her a fantasy in which she figures prominently. He can describe the scene in detail as he’s teasing, tantalizing and stroking her to multiple orgasms.
She can return the favor with a hand job and a sexy story. When she tells him a fantasy story that turns her on, at the same time she’s stroking his manhood, it increases the turn on for both parties while lowering the pressure she might feel to “go at it” so much that he ejaculates. When she feels pressure to give him a happy ending, she might rush and diminish the sheer joy he gets from being slowly and lovingly handled and brought to erection.
That’s what’s nice about the combination of fantasy and manual stimulation. . . The combination slows down the experience so your body can get aroused and engorged slowly while the erotic conversation adds to the overall experience.
One of the sexiest fantasies to share involves people you know to whom you are attracted. Perhaps you’ve always fantasized about a threesome with your spin class instructor? Or someone you met at a conference and you wonder what it would be like to pick them up in a limo, dressed only in lingerie of the sexiest kind, and then take it from there. . .
Sharing your fantasies with each other is safe because you do not have to act on them. This is why it is called fantasy.
If your partner is reluctant to share or says she doesn’t have any fantasies, you can take the lead and tell her a fantasy that involves her as the central figure. Lead her mind and the rest will follow. Sometimes women just need examples and some practice to catch on. Because men are primally fixated on specific body parts, kinds of sexy clothes or toys or specific scenarios from a very early age, they spend a lot of time masturbating to their fantasies. Though women are catching up, many masturbate much less and fantasize even less often. (Read: What Your Fantasies Say About You.)If your fantasies include a new position (6 creative sex positions for highly erotic lovemaking), an interesting sex toy (G-Spot wand) or an article of clothing such as stripper shoes or spandex, telling your partner about them in the safe context of a fantasy elicitation is a wonderful method of introduction. Start small and work your way into the experience by encouraging your woman to share something she finds sexy and help her elaborate on that bit of an idea. Be her champion and soon she will see all kinds of potential fantasy opportunities in her daily travels.
Role play is one of the three kinds of Sexual Mindsets. (click here to learn all three) It’s a fair amount of effort to don the whole naughty school girl outfit and takes a special night to go to that extreme. There are myriad lists of Role Play costume/outfit-based ideas online. But what I’ve found is quite fun is the introduction of a “mood” rather than a costume.
Every day a woman’s desire ebbs and flows with her hormones. Sometimes she wants to be loved, coddled, nurtured and sweet-talked. The next day she might feel like being a naughty vixen who pushes her man down on the bed and has her way with him.
As you consider the notion of Role Play, keeping it less complicated with constructs, costumes and props and focusing more on the mood you two are in is a fast and easy way to keep your sexing spicy without a lot of preparation.
Power play is a kind of role play and another word for ‘power exchange’ or dominance and submission. Though these seem like advanced maneuvers, the reason this category of role play is so popular is that again, it’s primal. Power play is another way of expressing “polarity,” or the natural magnetism of masculine and feminine coming together. When one person takes the lead and the other surrenders to their partner it can be very exciting. Most women I talk to crave a man to take charge in the bedroom (Recommended: Bedroom Boss). Even the most strong women enjoy being in their feminine expression by allowing a man to take control.
When a man has Vision (one of the four keys to seduction) he has the ability to bring his woman to multiple orgasmic climaxes that ramp over time to feel better and better AND he knows how to pace her arousal so that she can keep climaxing. Knowing this comes from a combination of techniques, like Expanded Orgasm and Female Liquid Orgasm stroking along with the ability to read his lady in the moment and keep offering her options and sensations that amplify her arousal.
When he knows how to come her over and over with his fingers, tongue, member and through his erotic conversation (dirty talk), he can hold the masculine in the power play dynamic so that his woman can simply let go and enjoy the ride he takes her on.
This masculine leadership and feminine receivership is one of the most erotic role play sexual experiences you can co-create. The woman must allow her man to lead, however. She has to bring her turn on and her appetite and give her guy the space to bring her all that pleasure.
Be a man who knows how to lead a woman. You can achieve this through learning and practice. If you are not getting the amount of sex you want, you are not a man a woman wants to have sex with. You can easily and pleasurably become a man that women desire. It starts with putting your attention on her and being in the moment and experiencing and managing to hold the emotions that come from being present.
The third way to increase the spice in your sex life is by knowing how to give and receive Expanded Orgasm pleasure. Here’s why.
Expanded Orgasm is a really HOT addition to a couple’s sex life. Here are a few examples. Expanded Orgasm is a series of strokes you do by hand on a woman’s clitoris and labia. It’s like a turbo-charged sensual massage. She has a series of linked orgasms that grow in pleasurable sensation. This orgasm session can last up to an hour and is often called, “The 30 Minute Orgasm.” It’s a couples’ practice — something you two can do together for the rest of your lives. There are many benefits of having an Expanded Orgasm practice and actually learning the simple stroking patterns that allow her to feel INCREDIBLE clitoral orgasmic sensation unlike anything you can do with your tongue, your penis, a vibrator or ANYTHING.
There are many groups who teach this practice as variations on the basic theme created in the lat 1960’s by More University – a group of people who developed this stroking technique because one of the founder’s wives struggled to orgasm. Over the years, many of those original More U folks went on to found their own training offerings. Personal Life Media offers Expand Her Orgasm Tonight by Dr. Patricia Taylor. Dr. Patti is one of the world’s leading experts on female orgasm and her “flavor” of the Morehouse stroking techniques has been optimized for learning at home through a series of 21 erotic play dates for couples.
Often called, DOing, or a DO Date, the D stands for Deliberate and the O for orgasm. You “DO” a woman. A woman gets “done.”
There are a number of organizations in the San Francisco area that teach variations of this practice at live workshops including Welcomed Consensus, The Pleasure Course and One Taste. One Taste has outposts in LA, NY, Santa Monica and often hosts events. They offer a 15 minute Orgasmic Meditation training and have a wonderful community network. If you are single and want to learn to give a woman a DO date, you can attend one of their events.
For couples who want to increase their depth of erotic connection, have more sensual play more often and increase their level of pleasurable sensations they can generate together, Expanded Orgasm is the single best practice I’ve found for partners.
If your sex life is stale because you are mostly focused on intercourse, there is a world of additional pleasure that will open your woman’s spigot full blast with turn on. You can bring your lover incredible pleasure and increase her overall sexual desire and feel like a more powerful, accomplished lover, try Expanded Orgasm.