Click here for the index of all 15 weeks of “Come With Me,” the Orgasm Challenge. Read on to learn how to orgasm simultaneously.
🏳️🌈 The information in this article supports expression across the gender spectrum. There are only two sexes, biologically. XX and XY. Read the section that supports your physical equipment: penis or vulva.
Vaginal Orgasm, PIV Orgasm, Cervical Orgasm, Orgasm From Intercourse, Penetration Orgasm, Coital Orgasm.
These are the many descriptors that all mean the same thing… A female orgasm during intercourse or coitus, in which a man’s penis (or dildo) in her vagina triggers her orgasm.
All women can orgasm from intercourse, even without direct clitoral stimulation.
Intercourse orgasms are simply a learned skill. Some women have them naturally, while others merely need to know it’s possible and learn how to have one, and then many vaginal orgasms as her skill and confidence grows.
No, your clitoris is NOT too far from your vagina to have orgasms from intercourse.
You do not need direct clitoral stimulation to the tip of your clitoris to have orgasms from a penis inside you.
No, you are not the one who can’t. You can.
All women can come from a penis in your vagina. This is how she built us.
What women need that they are not getting when they can’t come during intercourse may include:
✅ Heart connection with your partner
✅ Feelings of desire for your partner
✅ Self-love and feeling you deserve pleasure
✅ Full engorgement of the vulva before penetration <= MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!
✅ A safe and relaxing environment
✅ Verbal encouragement and acceptance
✅ The proper thrusting by their partner
✅ Healthy pelvic musculature for grip and orgasmic contraction
✅ Blood flow to your pelvis to lubricate your vagina and engorge your erectile tissue
✅ Comfort giving feedback to your partner
✅ Belief you can do it and a willingness to experiment
Engorgement Is The Key To Coming
As a woman, the single most important aspect of coming during intercourse is allowing yourself enough time before penetration to get to full engorgement. Being engorged is having blood flow plump up all three of your erectile tissue networks in your vulva: clitoral, urethral, and perineal. If you are her partner, your job is to use your hands, mouth, and vibrators to get the blood flowing to give her a clitoral erection and swell all the tissue in her vulva.
A circle of erectile tissue surrounds the vagina. Just as a man would prefer not to have intercourse with a flaccid penis, a woman cannot achieve her orgasm potential without having a vulva erection. Look at the pictures on this page called, The Banana Diagrams to orient yourself to the cuff of tissue surrounding the vaginal canal.
Both sexes have a banana’s worth of erectile tissue in their genitals. Half of a man’s tissue is external to his body. The spongy penile chambers fill very quickly. A woman’s erectile tissue is located throughout her vulva and takes longer to fill with blood.
How To Give Her A “Clitoral Erection”
Women need at least 20 minutes of direct pleasuring to her erectile areas in her vulva before she gets engorged enough to feel the pleasure sensations that will take her to climax without even touching the tip of her clitoris during intercourse.
Before the direct pleasuring of the erectile tissue in her vulva, she needs first to relax, feel comfortable, and have pre-foreplay activities. Body massage, words of love and adoration, stroking her hair, rubbing her feet, kissing her, loving her breasts, and not just grabbing her nipples or crotch are what help her relax and get aroused.
The pussy massage, Yoni massage, vulva massage ⸺ all phrases that mean the same thing ⸺ is crucial in engorgement. Once her labia, clitoral shaft, clitoral arms, the urethral sponge, and perineal sponge are all plump with blood, it sends massive pleasure signals to her brain.
The best way to learn a myriad of vulva/Yoni/pussy massage techniques is to watch our Steamy Sex Ed™ Video Collection. Over 100 sensual and orgasmic massage techniques demonstrated by relatable couples will show you many techniques you haven’t even thought of. You can put the video on and follow along with the demonstrations until you have muscle memory.
You may also want to try the
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Once a woman receives a good Yoni massage, then the mere act of the penis pulling and pushing the erectile tissue that wraps around her vaginal canal is enough to trigger orgasms. The better a man knows how to use his penis to thrust correctly during intercourse, the more easily she can orgasm. If she’s with a partner using a dildo, it still comes down to thrust techniques that are woman-focused instead of male-focused.
Men tend to use a vagina as a masturbatory tool. They are informed by porn and think the penis is a piston designed to pump in and out. The kind of thrusting that feels best to a woman is different than the thrusting to which men default. Intercourse is also a learned skill. Making babies comes naturally. Making women come from vaginal intercourse needs to be studied and practiced. Many thrusting techniques feel much better to a woman than just going straight in and out. Most women who struggle to orgasm from intercourse wrestle with it that they are not getting the right thrusting to achieve orgasm, even if they are engorged.
The Steamy Sex Ed™ Video Collection demonstrates intercourse thrusting techniques that help a woman crest to orgasm. And this technique I wrote for free called, Thrust In Time not only gives a woman the strokes she needs to orgasm, but it also helps her male partner with stamina so he can last as long as she needs him to. Thrust in Time is an orgasmic intercourse technique that pretty much guarantees she will come from penetration, even without direct clitoral stimulation on the tip of the clitoris.
Of course, adding a vibrator or fingering her clitoral glans will only increase her orgasmic pleasure during intercourse. But the goal of this article is to let you know that direct stimulation of the clitoris can be done with a penis thrusting inside a fully engorged vulva. The trick is the engorgement and the type of thrusting. Those two combined are what will get her over the edge into orgasm.
Headboard Daddy Sex Position Orgasm Trick
Another way to move toward orgasming from penetration is to utilize the cowgirl sex position, which is a woman on top, facing the man. In this position, she’s in control of the strokes and depth and speed of penetration. At first, she will feel like she’s flailing a little. But with practice and a measure of abandon, she can use his penis as a tool for her pleasure ⸺ giving herself the stimulation she needs to orgasm.
With practice, the vagina gets activated and feels more pleasure with the woman on top thrusting. The first few times she tries, she may feel numb inside. But as her lover rewards her for “trying things” to see what feels good, more and more, she gives in to her pleasure. The best place to start is with this Headboard Daddy position:
In this free illustrated guide called 7 Stimulating Sex Positions, I give you my twist on cowgirl, which I call, Headboard Daddy. This twist incorporates breast and nipple stimulation and deep kissing, which will pretty much guarantee she orgasms from intercourse. Because once you stimulate all three of her most erogenous zones, she will come. It’s just like the kissing and the pussy massage that are part of pre-foreplay and foreplay ⸺ she gets the triple simultaneous stimulation she needs to come.
With the right foreplay, massage and pleasuring, every woman can come and should come from intercourse… Especially if she’s in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship. Because how long will she want to have intercourse if she isn’t orgasming? Orgasms from intercourse are a learned skill that every woman can have. I want this for you. Moreover, the Heartgasm for the man will hasten her orgasm from intercourse. Read on to add in this layer of pleasure so you can come the whole time he’s inside you.
The Heartgasm For Men
The very first item on the list above for women to cross the ‘gasm chasm and come from penetration is “heart-connection.” Women generally need a loving, emotional connection with their partner to come well. And though men generally are very giving as lovers, they have a few common issues that hold them back from truly great sex.
One issue is that most men think they are better in bed than they are. They will rate themselves higher on a scale of 1-10 than women do. It’s because they are testosterone-dominant, which creates a bit of overconfidence.
Secondly, men tend to be more “transactional” in their lovemaking. They view sex through a lens of visual images, sounds, and their experience with how intense their ejaculation was and how hard they made their partner orgasm. I’ve known men who spent their time counting the orgasms they gave their partner rather than being present with her. On the other hand, women are more focused on how the sexual experience made them feel and if they were connected emotionally. That is not to say that many men cannot truly enjoy lovemaking unless they feel love for the woman they are with. Many men are heart-connected and sensitive. It is this skill that those who are not can benefit from learning to Heartgasm.
These perspectives are generalities, and everyone is on a spectrum. But these differences are directional across a broad swath of cultures and populations. And there is nothing wrong with the focus men have. However, my fans are people who want to learn more and be better lovers. This is why I try to explain where you are and where you can go to keep your sex life on the upward pleasure spiral. A Heartgasm is a next-level orgasm that men can enjoy that will also spur her toward her orgasms during intercourse. Therefore, his Heartgasms accelerate her orgasms because, above all, she needs heart connection and feelings of being loved to trust that it’s safe to surrender to her pleasure with him.
A man whose penis is disconnected from his heart is a cold man who cannot be a complete lover. He is not evolved. He is an “every hole is a goal” guy. He’s afraid of feeling. He’s afraid of getting hurt. So he puts up a wall and withholds his emotions. Women quickly tire of him, and he cannot attract a woman with a loving heart. That’s why learning how to have a Heartgasm is a massively healing experience for him.
How To Have A Heartgasm
Instead of thinking about your penis as an appendage, visualize a nerve running from the tip of your penis, up into your abdomen, and plugging into your heart. You have this nerve. It’s called “the vagus nerve.” It connects your organs and heart to your nervous system. The vagus nerve connects to your pelvic nerves too. And the vagus nerve manages your parasympathetic nervous system. This is your calming system. And arousal begins in relaxation. Actively recruiting your vagal nerve by imagining your penis and heart wired together will calm you down, center you, and allow your arousal to grow without feeling overdriven or over-stimulated. If you have stamina issues, connecting to your heart will keep you in the present moment and slow down your ejaculatory response.
As you look at your lover, remember how much you adore them. Let the love in your heart bloom and spread a warm glow over you. Pump up your heart muscle with this love you are evoking, then send that love shooting from your heart, down that nerve, and out your penis. Practice this until your lover can feel when you are doing it to them.
Next, imagine your penis is an extension of your heart. Feel it throbbing like your heart is beating. Kabump-kabump-kabump. Your penis is alive, it’s imbued with a heartbeat, and it’s filling your lover with your affection and adoration.
Take yourself up to your arousal ladder as you glide in and out of your partner. When you feel you are near ejaculation, use the ME Breath to slow yourself down. The ME Breath allows you to orgasm without ejaculating. The ME Breath combines a PC muscle squeeze with a breath to slow your urge to ejaculate and a pelvic rocking movement to calm your ejaculatory urge. Instead of focusing on ejaculating, bring the turn-on up into your heart. The Heartgasm is a feeling of love+orgasmic pleasure that does not require ejaculation to orgasm. It’s a type of energy orgasm or full-body orgasm. It’s an ejaculation-free pleasure sensation that fills your heart and your lover’s heart with pleasure and connection.
Your partner should be able to witness the pleasure of your Heartgasm. Make sounds. Tell them you’re feeling so much love in your heart that it’s orgasmic. Look into their eyes. Kiss them. Kiss their eyelids, their cheeks, their lips, the tip of their nose. Bring all the love you can muster to this moment of Heartgasm.
The Heartgasm takes practice. (What fun practice!) The heart is like a muscle/door. The more effort you put into feeling love while having sex, the wider the door of your heart opens. The more love you express through your penis into your lover, the more they will feel your love for them. This will improve their orgasmic response. So being a lover who can have a Heartgasm is a very advanced kind of lover because you will be triggering your partner’s orgasms when you make love to them. And isn’t making love better than having sex? And isn’t coming one final time together in a grand crescendo of pleasure one of the most satisfying aspects of making love? The simultaneous orgasm is a perfect way to end a blissful lovemaking session with a vaginal orgasm-after-orgasm. He was having Heartgasm after Heartgasm that triggered her Heartgasms.
The final moment of a fantastic lovemaking experience can include you both having one final, mind-blowing orgasm together. This is called a Simultaneous Orgasm. If you haven’t yet ejaculated, this could be a good time just to let it all go. Often, when a man surrenders to his orgasm and is very vocal and demonstrative about how good it feels, his partner can join him. We are creatures who are very attuned to each other. Your ecstasy generates your partner’s ecstasy. The more warning you give your lover that you’re about to have your final orgasm, the more they can match your surrender to your pleasure. When you are both finished, the orgasms have been amazing, and you’re in a bliss state together, remember to embrace and thank your love for the intimacy they shared with you.
Simultaneous orgasms are easy once she begins to orgasm throughout lovemaking and he practices having Heartgasms. The two work hand in glove to create one of the most rewarding aspects of sex: the simultaneous orgasm.
Bookmark this index link to my “20 Kinds of Orgasms” Challenge and try them all.