Did you know?
A man’s arousal cycle is usually only a minute or two, while women require 20 to 30 minutes to get fully aroused and ready for orgasm.
This stops most guys from having the best sex of their lives.
And for some, it prevents them from having any sex at all.
And what’s worse is that there’s insurmountable pressure on guys (and women, too) during sex that just messes up the vibe. Pressure from outside the bedroom (not sex related) and from inside (performance anxiety).
This can lead to premature ejaculation (finishing too soon) or sometimes erectile dysfunction (can’t get hard or stay hard).
You’re forced to leave out so much enjoyment and pleasure. And the ladies often never finish at all. Nobody’s happy in the end.
And that’s what Marc Azoulay and I discussed in our incredible Men’s Therapy Podcast interview. We wanted to talk about how men can finally beat performance anxiety.
I urge you to listen to this episode, especially if you’re a guy. And if you’re a woman, give this to your lover. He will want to hear this.
Click Here For The Show ⇐ Performance Anxiety In The Bedroom with Susan Bratton And Marc Azoulay
Discover The Tuning Fork Technique ⇐ Gives You More Stamina, Triggers A Woman’s Vaginal Orgasms, And Lets You Have Male Multiple Orgasms
IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATIONS
Male performance anxiety is often swept under the rug.
Most men (and women, too) don’t understand how common this is. That they’re not the only ones struggling.
Today’s men find themselves saddled with enormous expectations. The pressure to be the “perfect lover” looms large, and any deviation from this often unrealistic ideal can make men feel inadequate or like they’ve failed.
Where do these impossible expectations come from?
Despite what pop culture might have you believe, most men are less driven by their pleasure and more by their desire to satisfy their partners. It’s a noble sentiment rooted in love and care. But when this comes with the pressure to always “get it right,” the emotional strain can be overwhelming.
Add to the fact that in the world of men, in our culture today, it’s a hierarchy. It’s a pecking order. And if you’re not on top (of literally any category), you’re getting pushed down. So many guys feel bad about themselves for not being the most significant alpha on the planet.
Men also, by design, take feedback as failure. If his lover isn’t blown away by what he’s doing, he sees it as an L. He doesn’t see that women are “fluid” in their desires and we want something different today, then something else tomorrow.
THE PROBLEM OF PORN
Many of these impossible expectations come from a man’s relationship with porn.
Early on, they see porn and internalize it as the BIG GOAL.
With the proliferation of the internet and easy access to adult content, pornography has become a cornerstone of modern culture’s introduction to sex.
But here lies the problem: porn doesn’t depict reality.
Yet, it has dramatically shaped men’s perceptions of what intimacy should look like and what their roles should be. The scripted scenes, the often unrealistic portrayals of both male and female bodies, and the performance-driven narratives paint a picture far from the genuine, emotional connections in real life.
Because of these skewed representations, many men have started believing that the ultimate goal of sex is solely intercourse, culminating in their orgasm. This reductionist view strips intimacy of its multidimensional nature, turning a potentially deep emotional connection into a mere physical act.
We Go So Much Deeper Here ⇐ Performance Anxiety In The Bedroom with Susan Bratton And Marc Azoulay
SHAME AND ABUSE
It’s heartbreaking. Still, many men carry the burdens of past shame, traumas, and abuse. These scars, often hidden deep within, can surface during intimate moments, adding to the overwhelming feelings of performance anxiety. The societal stigma around discussing these issues only exacerbates the problem.
There’s also the problem with their desire.
In my exploration of health and wellness, I’ve often come across the concept of desires being seen as both a driving force and a potential source of angst. For many men, the very intensity of their desire can be overwhelming, making them question if it’s “too much” or they are “too eager.” This self-questioning can further diminish their confidence and heighten anxiety.
TESTOSTERONE
Testosterone is often hailed as the quintessential male hormone, playing a pivotal role in shaping men’s sexuality. From influencing libido to ensuring physiological functions during intimacy, its importance cannot be understated. As a health enthusiast, I’ve seen many men unaware of this hormone’s importance to their well-being.
Our contemporary lifestyles, processed foods, sedentary habits, and unprecedented stress levels can wreak havoc on testosterone production. Certain dietary choices can lead to hormonal imbalances, and an increasingly indoor lifestyle deprives us of Vitamin D, a crucial player in testosterone synthesis. It’s not just a matter of feeling less “manly”; a dip in this hormone can affect mood, energy levels, and intimacy.
We’re living in food deserts and food swamps. Food deserts are where you can’t get access to real healthy food. And food swamps are when you’re surrounded by fake, processed, lousy food that just wrecks your body. Lack of true nutrition with the replacement of whole foods with ultra-processed foods exacerbates anxiety and depression.
We Go So Much Deeper Here ⇐ Performance Anxiety In The Bedroom with Susan Bratton And Marc Azoulay
LOVE MUSCLE
We also talked about your “Love Muscle.” And while you might think it’s somewhere below the belt, it’s genuinely seated in the chest, the heart. It’s a reminder that to experience love and pleasure truly, one needs to feel with their heart, not just their body.
Have you ever noticed how doors can be inviting when open, protective when closed, and sometimes jammed in between? Your heart is like a door. It requires effort to remain open to love, just as to stay closed or shielded. An open heart can lead to profound connections, while a closed one might provide safety but at the cost of genuine intimacy.
The heart, much like any muscle, needs regular workouts. It’s not just about cardio but about continually giving and receiving love. This ongoing cycle of emotional exchange ensures that the love you give will circle back to you.
When the heart and body are in sync, sex transcends the physical act. It’s no longer about mere performance but the joy of two souls connecting deeply.
Many men bear the cross of wanting to excel in bed. But where do these benchmarks come from? Unrealistic standards often rob them of the genuine joys of intimacy.
Techniques like Sensate Focus can be transformative. This technique is recommended by psychologists, therapists, and sex therapists. It’s when you start paying attention to everything happening at the moment and being fully aware of the sensations around you instead of getting lost in your emotions. By grounding oneself in the present and savoring every feeling, men can alleviate performance pressures.
While we often turn to modern medicine for solutions, nature has many remedies. For instance, St. John’s wort and CBD can effectively combat stress and anxiety, setting the stage for more relaxed, enjoyable, intimate experiences.
That’s why I recommend the FORIA line of CBD-based arousal oils and melts. If he’s feeling anxious, his partner is too. The CBD in FORIA can relax your partner while heightening their pleasure – which leads you both to a deeper connection.
The FORIA Awaken Arousal Oil, Intimacy Sex Oil, and Melts combine phytocannabinoids and essential oils to trigger this cascade. One heightens pleasure and makes her more orgasmic, and the other gives both lovers a more sensual, enjoyable lube experience. They are to be used in combination. Add Melts if you want MORE vaginal lubrication or pain relief. Use the CBD Vape Pen to add a calm, non-psychoactive euphoria.
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DESIRE FOR MASTERY AND GROWTH
Men innately seek mastery. While this often translates to professional achievements, the desire also extends to personal growth and self-improvement, including intimacy. Effective communication is the key.
Modern society has often given men a raw deal, boxing them into emotional stereotypes. But men can rediscover and embrace their full dynamic range with empathetic partners.
Sex doesn’t have to be serious. It’s supposed to be fun. Exciting. Steamy.
My “Sex Life Bucket List” reminds you that intimacy should be explorative and fun. From trying out new positions to indulging in fantasies, the list is a passport to a world of pleasure.
Here are more ways to improve your sex life.
CRAFTING YOUR LOVER-SPACE
Think of it as a sanctuary, a haven where you leave behind the world’s chaos and reconnect with your partner. Soft lighting, plush cushions, maybe some calming music — tiny tweaks can transform an ordinary room into a space brimming with intimacy.
Women take 20 to 30 minutes to get truly turned on. Men can be ready in a split second. If guys don’t create their Loverspace, he ends up rushing. He rushes into his orgasm while leaving his lover’s turn-on in the dust.
SMALL OFFERS
I love the idea of Small Offers. And that you should constantly give your lover Small Offers of intimacy, not grandiose requests like “Let’s have sex!” or “Give me a blowjob!”
Sometimes, making tea or a simple foot massage can set the right mood. Maybe your favorite sex playlist, some warm blankets ready, dim red lights to make it enjoyable, getting the fireplace on. Sometimes, it’s a Chardonnay and a foot rub. These “smaller offers” show care, attention, and a desire to please, strengthening the relationship fabric. It also trains guys to slow down, which is essential if they want to last all night and want to give their lover as much orgasmic pleasure as they can get.
Learn how to run a menu of small offers that have your lover saying, Yes! Yes! Yes!
THREE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU
Imagine lying next to your partner and hearing what they adore about you. This game is not just playful but also immensely affirming. It’s a heartwarming exercise that reignites the spark, reminding couples of the love that binds them. You can do this anytime, anywhere, even while you massage your lover.
Conversations in the bedroom don’t always have to be hushed whispers. We discuss a few more ways to communicate in the bedroom that will add spice to your intimacy.
And my best recommendation of the bunch is to learn Tuning Fork Technique, which gives you more sexual stamina, triggers a woman’s vaginal orgasms from intercourse, and gives you the ability to have multiple orgasms yourself.
It upgrades your sexual capabilities like you’ve never imagined. It’s not just another fun sex position. In fact, with this technique, you can amplify all the other sex positions you already love.
Discover The Tuning Fork Technique ⇐ Gives You More Stamina, Triggers A Woman’s Vaginal Orgasms, And Lets You Have Male Multiple Orgasms
And remember to check out my interview with Marc Azoulay on the Men’s Therapy Podcast.
Click Here For The Show ⇐ Performance Anxiety In The Bedroom with Susan Bratton And Marc Azoulay
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All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.
