A fan recently wrote, “I used your technique, and my woman had more intense orgasms than she’s ever had! Thank you so much.”
Since I’ve written hundreds of passionate lovemaking techniques, I was curious which one worked best for him and his lover. He replied,
“You told me to slow down… then slow down some more.”
While I wouldn’t call that a bonafide technique — it’s more like good advice — indeed, our male partners are generally often further up the arousal ladder than we women are as we begin making love.
Slowing down is almost always a good idea, especially at the beginning of a sexy date. The more time you spend on foreplay, the more blood can flow to your genitals. And blood flow expands our erectile tissue, allowing more signals of pleasure to go to our brain. Do you want to increase your lover’s satisfaction massively? Then take the time to let the blood flow fully. The male and female bodies have the same erectile tissue in our genital systems (men are outies, and women are innies). But men have the advantage of faster hemodynamics. Women take longer to get an internal clitoral erection. Slowing down helps us catch up to our men’s turn-on.
I joke about sex for most people as being like, “squeeze her boob and stick it in.” I rail against the lack of foreplay and engorgement from hurried penetration. It robs women of their pleasure, and then she and her partners don’t think she can come from intercourse. Of course, she can! All women can orgasm from intercourse. We simply need to learn how and conditions must be “right.” Penetrating too fast prevents her from having all the pleasure he does because she takes longer to get an internal clitoral erection.
But sometimes you CAN’T WAIT to get it in!
LEVELING THE ESCALATION LADDER
So here is a way to get the best of both worlds… a delicious clitoris, loaded with blood flow and sensation and a satisfying man hammer filling her up.
The idea you’re going for here is FLOW. Think of sex as an array of erotic moments rather than a lead-up to penetration. I’m describing the opposite of how I envision all the muggles who don’t use Susan Bratton’s sex advice: They stick it in and pump away until he comes. And she doesn’t even think she can come from intercourse, so she just accepts mediocre intercourse…
She can love intercourse as much as and even more than her male partner! She just has to get fully engorged to cross that ‘gasm chasm.
The “Orgasm Gap” is the difference between how easy it is for a man to climax from intercourse and how common it is for women to struggle to achieve orgasm from intercourse. I call the gap the orgasm or “‘gasm chasm.”
This gap comes from a simple lack of understanding of how important engorgement is for a woman to feel the same pleasure as her penis-owning man. Massage and vibration before penetration with verbal encouragement during intercourse make a HUGE difference in getting her to climax while being penetrated.
A woman’s erectile tissue is like a donut wrapped around her vagina, whereas a man’s is like a banana down his penis. It’s the same amount of tissue that needs to get erect. She just needs to get a hard-on in her donut before being penetrated.
Roll up your sleeves and get to work, lovers!
Then you can do this:
A DOPE FLOW SEX DATE
Once she’s got a full vulva erection, here is a hop, skip, and jump through all sorts of fun, short sexy moments that slowly build excitement so she can keep up with his ardor. This is a 3.0 advanced move because it takes PRACTICE to feel comfortable doing many things during a sex date. It’s most common to do one or two things, and that’s it. So I’m saying that you’ll become more orgasmic during intercourse by doing a little as you go, rather than just building up to it and making it go on and on at the end. You can go as long as you want at the end, but you’re going to use his penis, in the beginning, to awaken her vagina, not jump right into deep penetration.
First, snuggle together and hold each other. Use my Soulmate Embrace melting hug technique to relax and connect. Arousal begins in relaxation. The slower you go, the harder she comes.
Then start kissing. Kiss slowly and sensually.
She rubs her body on his, and he plays with her breasts and nipples. Kissing and nipple stimulation generates blood flow to her clitoral structure. This is a way to get her turned on very, very well. Tell her how beautiful they are to you if she’s timid about touching her breasts. Women need a lot of encouragement and adoration. If she says she can’t feel anything, let her know you love the feel of her breasts and that you are helping her begin to feel. The feeling is also a learned skill.
The couple continues kissing while she strokes his manhood, and he wakes up her vagina and clitoris with nipple stimulation. For stroking and breast pleasuring, use organic nut oil, like avocado, sweet almond, or jojoba.
She may opt to go down on him after wiping off any excess oil — giving him a few licks and sucking once her mouth is warmed up from kissing. The more she sucks on his penis, her vagina will lubricate, and contractions will begin.
She can squirt on more oil and slide down on his penis with her love canal at that point. She can do a few strokes and then dismount. Then, she can return to his penis with her mouth… The whole idea here is that you can go back and forth and back and forth from one thing to another. You don’t have to do a lead-up to intercourse and then come and be done. When you do that, it is often too soon for her. She rushes because she wants to feel him inside her. He obliges because intercourse feels so good to him too. When you stop the rushing, do a few strokes, and then back off, it helps engorge her vulva to have many orgasms during penetration.
He can flip her on her back, wipe off any excess oil, and go down on her for a few minutes. They can do 69, where they give oral to each other simultaneously. Simultaneous oral is also a learned skill. At first, it can seem overwhelming. But when you take away the pressure to orgasm and enjoy the sensations, it becomes more orgasmic! You can toggle between giving and receiving and take your pleasure from both.
He can enter her from behind, doggie-style next. If he makes sure to tease her and go in very slowly, using my Heart Tongue technique, orgasmic contractions will become more pronounced. The Heart Tongue is the idea that you connect your heart to your penis. She can feel your love inside her when you combine them. And think about your penis as a tongue — more of a licking appendage than a pile driver… The vagina has many little spots that love to be probed. Move from the piston to a more feeling sense with your penis. Do doggie for a short time, and then go back to kissing, nipple play, and penis stroking.
You are building desire and giving her a chance to get as internally erect as he is externally erect.
Try another sex position. Perhaps off the edge of the bed or woman on top. Then do more oral. Try a vibrator on her clitoris while you’re fingering her G-Spot.
When you flit from one intercourse position to another, punctuating it with turns are giving and receiving oral, adding in a clitoral vibrator or G-Spot wand, giving a hand job to him, and fingering her, she’s going to have a lot more orgasms when she’s being penetrated.
Skipping around like this takes sex from a penis-in-vagina sexual centerpiece strategy to more fun, playful romp where you connect in different ways.
Great sex is intimate. It’s playful. It’s relaxing. It builds. And when you learn new ways of making love together, you keep the recent relationship energy firing! Try this dope sex date scenario, and let me know what you did and how it went.
— Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert to Millions
