Think about this. Are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic communicator? How about your partner? Some people prefer you draw them a picture or show them what you are talking about. And this carries over to the bedroom. Learn more about sexy talk.
Want to make your partner go crazy for you in the bedroom?
Figure out their communication style. For example, the phrase, “I’m a man of few words,” is apt. Generally, men shy away from sexy talk, especially emotional talk because they notice that their female partners can talk circles around them. However, they may crave dirty talk in the bedroom or the sounds of their lover’s moans.
Men have not been raised to be as in touch with their feelings. Often, when a woman calls it quits, they are blindsided by her departure. They didn’t realize things were that bad. Communication is the core of relationship success. Crossing the chasm from evasion to candor requires a worthwhile effort that gets easier and juicier over time.
What works best is to tell your partner your true feelings. Speak in the first person. I feel… Here is an article that explains how to use “I Statements.” Then allow them time to think through what you said. Let them come back to you within a reasonable timeframe instead of expecting an immediate response. This space takes the pressure off of those who are not as articulate about their feelings.
Men want to feel respected for their knowledge and actions, while women appreciate being encouraged and reassured. These truisms are affected by both nature and nurture — our lead hormones, testosterone for men versus estrogen for women mold us as much as our societal morés.
Communicating with spacious honesty goes a long way toward bolstering intimacy and confidence that the relationship is solid.
One of the most powerful communication structures is the work of Dr. Dawna Markova who wrote a book called, Open Mind. In it she explains how each of us has an innate, natural way of communicating that may be different from our partner’s dialog style. Individually we lead with either a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic orientation in the way we convey our thoughts and needs.
Our own dear Dr. Patti Taylor created free audio with her lover, Daka Raj applying this Open Mind system to seduction and bedroom talk. You can download it here:
Love Lines ⇐ Free Sex Talk Audio with Patti and Raj
Think about this. Are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic communicator? How about your partner? Some people prefer you draw them a picture or show them what you are talking about.
Others are good auditory processors and like verbal details: Tell me a story. While kinesthetic learners need to integrate their bodies into the communication process. For example, if you send your husband to the store for five items and he’s a kinesthetic learner, he may need to tap his fingers together to set into memory the five grocery items.
Being empathetic to the way your partner needs to take in and process information and then respond goes a long way toward making the conversation feel “safe.”
However, the single biggest gift you can give your relationship is honesty. Being completely honest, instead of sugar coating, withholding, white lies, and omissions takes courage.
Truth-telling is harder for you than for the partner hearing the truths because honesty often illuminates our failings, pettiness, greed, laziness, and other less-flattering aspects of our personality.
When you get honest with each other, there is an increased feeling of intimacy. Honesty improves your sense of security because you won’t get blindsided by lies. And I’ve found that people can handle the truth better than they can handle lies.
But truth-telling takes practice because lying is endemic to our culture. Honesty is juicy, hot, connected, and trustworthy. And aren’t all these the attributes you crave in a relationship?