How does your communication style affect your relationship, {FIRST_NAME Lover}?
The phrase, “I’m a man of few words,” is apt. Generally, men shy away from talking, especially emotionally, because they notice that their female partners can talk in circles around them.
Men have not been raised to be as in touch with their feelings. Often, when a woman calls it quits, they are blindsided by her departure. They didn’t realize things had gotten that bad. Communication is the core of relationship success. So crossing the chasm from evasion to candor requires a worthwhile effort that gets easier and juicier over time.
What works best is to tell your partner your true feelings. Speak in the first person. I feel… Here is an article that explains how to use “I Statements.” Then allow them time to think through what you said. Let them return to you in a reasonable timeframe instead of expecting an immediate response. This space takes the pressure off of those who are not as articulate about their feelings.
Most men want to feel respected for their knowledge and actions, while women appreciate being encouraged and reassured. These truisms are affected by both nature and nurture — our lead hormones, testosterone for men versus estrogen for women, mold us as much as our societal morés.
Communicating with spacious honesty in mind goes a long way toward bolstering intimacy and confidence that the relationship is solid.
One of the most effective communication structures is the work of Dr. Dawna Markova, who wrote a book called Open Mind. In it, she explains how each of us has an innate, natural way of communicating that may be different from the dialog style of our partner. We individually lead with a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic orientation in conveying our thoughts and needs.
Our dear Dr. Patti Taylor created free audio with her lover, Daka Raj applying this Open Mind system to seduction and bedroom talk. You can download it here:
Love Lines ⇐ Free Sex Talk Audio with Patti and Raj.
RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION
Think about this. Are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic communicator? How about your partner? Some people prefer you draw a picture or show them what you are talking about.
Others are good auditory processors and like verbal details: Tell me a story. In contrast, kinesthetic learners must integrate their bodies into the communication process. For example, if you send your husband to the store for five items and he’s a kinesthetic learner, he may need to tap his fingers together to memorize the five grocery items.
Being empathetic to how your partner needs to take in and process information and respond goes a long way toward making the conversation feel “safe.”
However, the single most significant gift you can give your relationship is the benefit of honesty. Being completely honest, instead of sugarcoating, withholding, white lies, and omissions takes courage.
Truth-telling is harder for you than for the partner hearing the truths because honesty often illuminates our failings, pettiness, greed, laziness, and other less-flattering aspects of our personality.
However, when you are honest, there is an increased feeling of intimacy. Honesty improves your sense of security because you won’t get blindsided by lies. And I’ve found that people can handle the truth better than they can handle lies.
But truth-telling takes practice because lying is endemic to our culture. Honesty is juicy. Honesty is hot. Honesty is connected. Honesty is trustworthy. And aren’t all these the attributes you crave in a relationship?
