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Rethinking Pleasure: Reevaluating Why Prioritizing ‘Her First’ Might Not Always Make Her Cum

make her cum

“I always make her cum first.”


It might seem that the noble thing to do to make her cum first. Putting her pleasure ahead of yours is a reasonable beginner’s level of sexual mindset. But for genuinely passionate lovemaking — not just good sex — giving and receiving equal amounts of pleasure is the masterful lover’s domain. Here’s why…

When your ego ties up with how great you make her feel, it creates two problems. When your focus is on thinking and strategizing, rather than being present with her, you rob her of your attention — the thing she craves most. Great sex is more about being than doing. When you try to create an effect, rather than interacting with her in co-creative pleasure, you accidentally generate performance anxiety for her. She’s secretly worrying that she won’t be able to achieve satisfaction because of the pressure you’re inadvertently putting on her by focusing on her pleasure.

What makes her experience heightened full-body sensations more easily is witnessing your pleasure. She wants to know she turns you on. When you tell her how sexy you find her… When she can hear the pleasure you’re getting from being with her… It intensifies her pleasure.


Imagine the difference between a woman who intends to get you off and a woman basking in her pleasure while pleasuring you. If she’s going through the motions of a particular style of stimulation…. If she’s watching you for signals… It’s like she’s doing a task.

Picture the woman who is nearly out of her mind because of the orgasmic joy of being with you. She’s greedily using your tool for her pleasure. Your body is making her feel so good that she’s moaning and going wild.

Which turns you on more? Her doing you or her taking her pleasure with you?

Here’s another analogy… Think about a pair of tuning forks. When you hit one tuning fork against a hard object and hold it next to the other tuning fork, the second fork begins to vibrate from the sound waves. The second fork’s vibration is called sympathetic vibration. This is how sexual energy works. You create more sexual energy in your woman by vibrating with your sexual energy. Your limbic systems begin to create a resonance together. This is when you feel attuned to each other. The more you feel you’re on the same wavelength, the more she relaxes. Her body will mirror your ecstasy.


Here is our Tuning Fork Technique for outrageous orgasmic pleasure.

When you “make her cum first,” you are inadvertently stealing her orgasmic potential pleasure at the expense of yours! Funny how that works, huh?

Here’s another facet of maximizing her orgasmic potential. Relaxation is the foundation for arousal. When you relax and let go of your goal orientation, it helps you both notice the pleasure. Ultimately she will have more intense orgasms when you first calm her nervous system before taking her up the arousal ladder. Instead of intently turning her from the get-go, hold her in your arms, and let her relax. Allow her to get any emotions off her chest. Then use full-body touch to settle her before ever touching her erogenous zones. This is when you begin to tune into her.

Here is our Keep Her Coming program for keeping her sexual energy high.


When you surrender to the interaction between the two of you… When you meet her emotionally and focus on the sensations generated together, it lowers your performance anxiety. You’ll have more stamina and the ability to last longer when you slow down, relax, and react in real-time to the sexual pleasure dynamics. Instead of an agenda, you feel your way together… stopping, starting, hugging, laughing, stroking, kissing, and loving.

I’ll leave with you with a funny saying. I’m originally from Pennsylvania. The Amish say, “The hurrier you go, the behinder you get.” Slowing down and relaxing has a net positive effect of creating more arousal than going directly for the turn-on. Take a deep breath into your heart. Look your lady love into her eyes. And beckon her to nestle in your manly arms.

Suz In Blue Bikini

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