I’m so excited to give you this technique today! I want you to try it and email me back how it went. You are going to love it. (Print it out if you can, and don’t miss the other amazing articles we have for you this week.)
Passion Playdate: TOUCHING WITH FEEDBACK
Passion Playdates are when you and your partner set aside a specific time for passion play. You plan for (and look forward to) sensual “private” activities where you come together beginners to learn new things together.
Think of Passion Playdates as fun “couples sexercises” that grow and enrich your intimacy — physical and emotional.
This is hot monogamy at its best and it’s also great for singles who date!
Human touch is one of the most healing, life-affirming, and emotionally-grounding forces known to humankind.
When you touch your partner the way they like, you send millions of signals that promote love, warmth, closeness, sexiness, and heart-connection.
That’s why today’s Passion Playdate is all about “Touching With Feedback.”
Now, as with all playdates, let your goal be to experience pleasure, and not performance.
Did you hear me?
Let me repeat that. Pleasure, not performance. This means you need to be PRESENT, not up in your head strategizing (typical masculine) or thinking about other things (typically feminine).
Whether you are assuming the masculine or feminine role in this playdate, pay close attention to both the verbal and physical feedback your partner is providing.
As we go along, I’m going to use the terms “giver” and “receiver.”
When I say “giver,” I mean the person who’s giving the pleasure of touch. And the “receiver” is the one experiencing the touch.
Here’s how you and your partner co-create this Passion Playdate.
FOR THE GIVER
First, the giver practices stroking their partner’s skin. Move around as you do this to different parts of their bodies. Start with simple up-and-down strokes. Then try side-to-side, then circular strokes.
Take your time.
After a few seconds, ask the receiver if they prefer your touch to be harder (more pressure or softer (less pressure.) Then ask if they would prefer it to be faster or slower.
Use the technique I taught you called, Two-Option Leading. Remember that one? Give two specific choices. Don’t say, “how does this feel.”
Listen and take action on the feedback that you get from your partner.
If he asked for a lighter touch, and you adjust, ask if that feels better. “Good or lighter still?”
Notice how you respond when they answer yes or no. Do you tense up? If so, what would it be like for you to experience their feedback as precise instructions for how you could be a better partner for them?
Remember what Susan always says, there is no failure, only feedback to make you a better lover. You can’t know what feels good to your partner at any moment. This playdate not only teaches you how to get better at touching, it also trains you to love more feedback.
FOR THE RECEIVER
Your role is to practice receiving touch. Decide where you’d like to start. Arm? Face? Chest? A neutral area of your body is the best starting spot.
Begin with simple strokes and patterns. Feel it. See if you can enjoy the feeling. Then think about what your partner could do in the next stroke to make it feel even better.
Next, ask your giver to stroke you harder or softer… then either faster or slower.
Notice how it feels for you to ask for the kind of touch you want. Do you tense up when you ask? Does your partner tense up when you ask?
Practicing Touching With Feedback will become easier over time to the point where you LOVE getting these micro-adjustments. That’s when your sensuality together soars to new heights!
BACK TO THE GIVER
Notice how it feels when you receive your partner’s requests. Do you take it as a sign you are doing something wrong? How does your body react?
Or do you remain flowing and receptive of their feedback, open to more?
Learn to be more receptive to whatever feedback your partner gives, and take it as a sign that both of you are working together to improve your sensual experience.
WORKING WITH IT
You can both switch roles. Decide who will be the receiver of the touch, and who will play the role of the giver. This way both of you will have the experience of giving and receiving pleasure, as well as giving and receiving feedback.
When you’ve finished with light touches and strokes, you can move on to other forms of physical connection like hugs, spooning, kissing, tickling, and later move into more intimate touches if you like.
Discuss with your partner what type of feelings were evoked from doing this playdate.
What positive experiences can you share with each other? Turn these experiences into positive frames you can remember and relive in the future. We talked about Positive Frames as a Passion Playdate a few weeks ago.
These simple but powerful couples exercises will turn both you and your partner into better lovers, as it trains you to be better at giving and receiving pleasure, as well as feedback.
