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What Healthy Sexuality Looks Like

What Healthy Sexuality Looks Like

Listen, read: 5 minute 37 second audio and transcript.

This article is for all genders. If you’re a guy, read this to understand why women need your encouragement and seduction with integrity.

The Seduction Trilogy ⇐ Seduction With Integrity Technique For Couples and Singles

On a recent interview by Misty Williams, creator of the

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 she asked me to explain what the opposite of sexual shame looks like.

Misty asks, “We open this conversation about shame. Our culture programs us to have opinions, positions and beliefs about sex and sexuality. I was raised in a tradition that carried a lot of shame around sex. If you were married, everything was good, and before you’re married, everything’s bad. That’s part of what had me struggling to acknowledge that I was sexual, until I got into my twenties and started my own healing journey. So, I want to help women understand what a healthy self-expressed sexuality looks like. If we weren’t so hung up carrying so much shame, what would it look like?”

Here’s my answer. But I encourage you to click to my article where you can listen to me describe what sex is like when you have no shame and thoroughly enjoy your sexuality. This 5 minute and 37 second audio segment is worth your time.

Listen To Me Tell You What Shameless Sex Is Like (Quick Listen) ⇓



It would look like you loved to have sex, loved when a guy went down on you, you’d have great orgasms from oral, you’d love making out, having your boobies played with, you might even like a little smack on your butt, you’d like your G-Spot played with.

You’d know how to have female ejaculatory orgasms because all women can. And the ejaculate is not pee, it’s prostatic fluid. You feel really sexy, turned on and you wouldn’t care what you look like. It’s just sex.

You love your body and are appreciative of it. Your orgasms keep getting better. You have fun flirty experiences and you feel grounded.

You feel like a goddess and proud of yourself. You love learning about sex and thinking up some new silly little fantasy that turns you on.

You notice people when you walk into a room and you think to yourself, “That’s a good looking person there.” You own your desire.

You like to make dirty jokes with your partner. You laugh a lot in bed. If you fart, you don’t care. Sex is fun, imperfect, wet, a little silly, and you look forward to it and you get grumpy when you’re too busy to have it.

Next Misty asks, “If women who are struggling with shame around sex are listening to you, they’re thinking “It would be awesome if I could have that relationship with my own sexuality and with sex itself.” Where do they start shedding that shame and guilt around sex?”

I reply, It’s easy. The first issue is becoming aware that shame doesn’t serve you anymore.

Similar to the time you realize that you only want to eat organic vegetable because you don’t want to have GMOs and Roundup in your body creating the dysbiosis that will kill you. You might not believe in GMOs. And that’s fine too. I want you to believe what you want to believe.

But if you’ve got to the point where the old programming was something someone downloaded into you and you feel, “That’s not me. I want to be a hot, sexy juicy mama and feel good about my body. I want to have great orgasms and a great sex life in the privacy of my own home and I will take my sex life back,” then every time shame comes up, you detach from it and say, “That’s not me, that’s my old programming. Now, where was I? Right, I’m a hot sexy juicy mama.”

Shame and grief are very similar. When you lose someone you love, in that time of loss and heartbreak, you are sad and have those sad feelings. But they come in waves. And over time the waves get gentler until the only time you really feel grief is when someone else dies, and then you grieve all over again about everyone you’ve ever lost.

Experiencing shame is very similar, where you say, “My parents did the best they could. My abusers have had a worse life than I did. They were the abuser, not the victim.” It’s luck of the draw, it happened to me, and I’ll say, “I had some bad luck in my life. I did some things I wished I hadn’t. Nobody’s perfect. Forgive and forget.”

Let it go because it doesn’t serve you. You have to get your mind out of the negative rut and into where you want to be. You want to move toward your desire, away from things that no longer serve you, and that is a practice.

Letting go of sexual shame works the same way it is a practice not to put that sugar in your mouth and find something healthy to eat.

It is a practice to think about being kind to people rather than complaining and bitching all the time.

It is all a practice; life is a practice. And when you make mistakes and backslide, you forgive yourself and let go.

Forgive and Forget.

Move towards who you are becoming.

Listen To Me Tell You What Shameless Sex Is Like (5 minute 37 second Listen) ⇓


The Seduction Trilogy ⇐ Seduction With Integrity Technique For Couples and Singles


  1. Hello fine girl, please let us start, planning together for marriage okay, or call me on his phone number +233577221929

  2. I love this article and can honestly say I’ve overcome a fair bit of sexual shame. I’m 52, freshly menopausal, and making peace with my new body.
    One of the pieces of shame I have carried around for years is my difficulty having an orgasm. I’ve been partnerless for 20 years and recently thought it would be nice to have a boyfriend one more time (bucket list) and maybe have a good sexual relationship, unlike many of my experiences in my 20’s.
    I never had orgasms with those boys/young men. I seriously doubt I’d have orgasms with partners now either. This fact, as well as seeing my body dramatically age over the last year has made me feel ashamed and broken and has held me back from looking for a boyfriend.
    Very recently, I started feeling a bit better about it all and have begun to think to myself that my orgasm-less version of partner sex is perfectly acceptable and I would only want a partner that is okay with my sexual response (or lack of it). As well, my sagging bosoms, varicose veins, and squishy belly are fine. Any potential partner would need to be okay with my old bits too. I am what I am and my sexuality is what it is. No more shame.

  3. Finally the perfect women of desire.
    Thanks I enjoyed listening.

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