Listen and read: 5-minute 37-second audio and transcript. This is what healthy sexuality looks like.
This article is for all genders. If you’re a guy, read this to understand why women need your encouragement and seduction with integrity.
The Seduction Trilogy ⇐ Seduction With Integrity Technique For Couples and Singles (Healthy Sexuality)
In a recent interview by Misty Williams, creator of
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she asked me to explain what the opposite of sexual shame looks like.
Misty asks, “We open this conversation about shame. Our culture gives us opinions, positions, and beliefs about sex and sexuality. I was raised in a tradition that carried a lot of shame around sex. If you were married, everything was good, and before you’re married, everything’s bad. That’s part of what had me struggling to acknowledge that I was sexual until I got into my twenties and started my healing journey. So, I want to help women understand what healthy self-expressed sexuality looks like. What would it look like if we weren’t hung up carrying so much shame?”
Here’s my answer. But I encourage you to click on my article where you can listen to me describe what sex is like when you have no shame and thoroughly enjoy your sexuality. This 5-minute, 37-second audio segment is worth your time.
Listen To Me Tell You What Shameless Sex Is Like (Quick Listen) ⇓
WHAT HEALTHY SEXUALITY LOOKS LIKE
It would look like you loved to have sex, loved when a guy went down on you, you’d have incredible orgasms from oral, you’d love making out, having your boobies played with, you might even like a little smack on your butt, you’d like your G-Spot played with.
You’d know how to have female ejaculatory orgasms because all women can. And the ejaculate is not pee; it’s prostatic fluid. You feel sexy and turned on, and you wouldn’t care what you look like. It’s just sex.
You love your body and are appreciative of it. Your orgasms keep getting better. You have fun, flirty experiences and feel grounded.
You feel like a goddess and proud of yourself, love learning about sex, and think up a new silly fantasy that turns you on.
Notice people are walking into a room and thinking, “That’s a good-looking person there.” You own your desire.
You make dirty jokes with your partner and laugh a lot in bed. If you fart, you don’t care. Sex is fun, imperfect, wet, and a little silly, and you look forward to it, and you get grumpy when you’re too busy to have it.
Next, Misty asks, “If women struggling with shame around sex are listening to you, they’re thinking, “It would be awesome if I could have that relationship with my sexuality and with sex itself.” Where do they start shedding that shame and guilt around sex?”
I reply. It’s easy. The first issue is becoming aware that shame doesn’t serve you anymore.
Similar to the time you realize that you only want to eat organic vegetables because you don’t want to have GMOs and Roundup in your body, creating the dysbiosis that will kill you. You might not believe in GMOs. And that’s fine too. I want you to consider what you want to think.
But if you’ve got to the point where the old programming was something someone downloaded into you, and you feel, “That’s not me. I want to be a hot, sexy juicy mama and feel good about my body. I want to have great orgasms and great sex life in the privacy of my own home, and I will take my sex life back.” Whenever shame comes up, you detach from it and say, “That’s not me; that’s my old programming. Now, where was I? Right, I’m a hot sexy juicy mama.”
Shame and grief are very similar. When you lose someone you love, you are sad and have those painful feelings in that time of loss and heartbreak. But they come in waves. And over time, the waves get gentler until you only feel grief when someone else dies, and then you grieve all over again about everyone you’ve ever lost.
Experiencing shame is very similar, where you say, “My parents did the best they could. My abusers have had a worse life than I did. They were the abuser, not the victim.” It’s the luck of the draw, it happened to me, and I’ll say, “I had some bad luck in my life. I did some things I wished I hadn’t. Nobody’s perfect. Forgive and forget.”
Let it go because it doesn’t serve you. You have to get your mind out of the negative rut and into where you want to be. You want to move toward your desire, away from things that no longer serve you, which is a practice.
Letting go of sexual shame works the same way; it is a practice not to put that sugar in your mouth and find something healthy to eat.
It is a practice to think about being kind to people rather than complaining and bitching.
It’s all a practice; life is a practice. And when you make mistakes and backslide, you forgive yourself and let go.
Forgive and Forget.
Move towards who you are becoming.
Listen To Me Tell You What Shameless Sex Is Like (5 minutes 37 seconds. Listen) ⇓
The Seduction Trilogy ⇐ Seduction With Integrity Technique For Couples and Singles