Not A Member Yet?

Your Email is safe | Cancel Anytime Lost Password?

How To Make Love Step-by-Step

How do I let go of goals but still “keep my eyes on the ball?”

This is a step-by-step story on how to make love. Please take this in with an open mind because this is where guys think they know more than they do. So, with a loving heart, you can become a better lover after reading this.

Many women can’t achieve their pleasure potential because their man has a minimal view of lovemaking. (If you are straight, gay, single, married, queer, poly, or trans, it’s ALL good. This lovemaking game plan can be modified for your sexual satisfaction.)

Sex goes beyond the moment of penetration. Everything you’re doing isn’t leading up to intercourse. The whole lovemaking experience can be orgasmic when you know how to take a woman into her sexual mind and give her stacking, expanding orgasmic pleasure.

Women want a man with a plan—a bedroom game plan. Women constantly ask me how I get him to stop thinking penetration is the goal. How do I get him to focus on more sensual experiences? How do I get him to slow down and stop rushing me?

Side note: “Dominance Aura” was one of the top five sex techniques women said they wanted their men to learn in a recent survey I did about sexual skills.

So, how does he show confidence and bedroom dominance? The first step starts with the plan, the confidence to move a woman through a sexually escalating and calming experience. The second step happens before you start having sex, too. Step two is setting a sensual environment. The “mood-setting” establishes polarity (masculine sexual leadership) by creating a safe and sexy setting that allows a woman to surrender to her pleasure with you. 

Paul writes:

“Sexual mindset question: You say to let go of goals in the bedroom but at the same time to lead her to her sexual pleasure. How do I do both?”


Memorize many techniques, so you have a lot to draw from.

Get on my Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection VIP Notification list. I’ll let you know the next time we have a sale on Steamy. With over 200 massages, oral and lovemaking techniques, and positions, you’ll be running the bedroom game at a much higher level of skill. If you already have it good decision!

Use a variety of fingers, tongue, and genital stimulation. Keep escalating her desire. This is about momentum. You’re taking her from neutral to aroused but building S.L.O.W.L.Y.

Do NOT go right for her breasts or genitals. Start from the outside (hands, feet, hair, back) and slowly work your way to her breasts and genitals. Here’s my Bullseye Touch Technique video describing it.

You will be aware of moving her up the arousal ladder without pushing her too fast. Think about toggling – going back and forth from stimulation to relaxation and back, again and again. Allow her to get turned on, let her system rest a tiny bit from it, and finally stimulate her again. This will arouse her faster than just stimulation.

This approach I’m describing is not the right way; it’s a possibility that will give you a good feel for masculine sexual leadership. You have felt it already. When you take charge and move her body around, you take a dominant role when you spank her butt. That increases the polarity, and both of you get a direct hit of masculinity, which works for her.

When guys get their hands on my Revive Her Drive program, they often start thinking, “I’ve got to fix her.” The smart guys came back to me a while later, saying: “Wow, I thought it was her, but it’s me I need to fix. I need to work on my polarity.”

Paul said,

“Thank you for the Revive Her Drive program. I went through all the audiobooks, and I think I have found the problem. It was polarity. Our connection has improved since I started running the bedroom game plan. Yesterday, my wife even told me that she had a dream in which she asked me to go to bed, NOT TO SLEEP :-).”

Now let’s talk about how you ravish her in the bedroom. I’m just going to walk you through a lovemaking scene.

You want to start a day or two ahead of time. Send her sexy texts, tease her in all good ways, and tell her how much you like her.

Go out and buy her some special lingerie and, when the day comes, lay it out on the bed. If she likes to wear sexy shoes, put those out, too. Here’s the kind of lingerie women want and the safest things to get.

Treasure Chest Pirate Girl Unlock Additional Members Only Content
Please login or register for a Free Membership to view this content.

Have a stack of towels near the bed. Hand towels and washcloths for wiping off lube and fluids. Bath towels for placing under her if she wants more absorbency.

Do whatever you need to do to get the bedroom ready for lovemaking. I give detailed instructions on creating the most sensual loverspace in this audio: The Orgasmic Fantastic Sex Date. Go ahead and grab a copy with my compliments and commit it to memory. You also get a transcript of the audio for later reference. 

The Orgasmic Fantastic Sex Date


Next, you need to start warming her up while the two of you are still in the living room. Give her a foot rub or a neck rub. Stroke her hair, tell her how sexy she is and how much you want her. Then say, “After dinner, I want you to go into the bedroom. I bought a surprise for you. Don’t go in until I let you.” This is you leading with your masculine, taking charge. By now, she’s getting excited. She knows you bought her something. She loves that. Girls love a present, especially one that makes us feel sexy.

During dinner, tell her how much you love her. Be playful. Tell her you’ve planned a lovely night for her. When dinner is over, give her directions. Say, “I want you to go into the bedroom. Your surprise is on the bed. Better yet…” Then just pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.

When she sees the lingerie spread out on the bed, she says: “I want you to put this on. I want to see you in it.” Take off her clothes and help her put on the new lingerie. Step back and admire her.

But don’t get busy right away. Say, “Come let daddy love you. Let me hug you and hold you for a while.” Set against the headboard with many pillows behind you like a throne and draw her into your arms. Say, “Let’s relax for a bit; we’ve got plenty of time.” Holding her like this calms her nervous system.

Start to synchronize your breathing. You’ll both start breathing slower and deeper. When you feel her begin to let go, pull her around toward you so you can look into her eyes and ask her if there’s anything she wants to talk about. If she needs to get anything off her chest, just listen. There is a better time to try to solve her problems. Just being there, you will soothe her. Keep telling her how sexy she looks in her new lingerie. Give her specifics, like,

Say whatever is natural for you. Look within yourself and notice what’s coming up for you. Then, start giving her a body massage. You may want to remove some pieces of the lingerie. You’re in charge, remember. Move her body where you want her, saying, “Okay, baby, I want you to lie here. I’m going to give you a massage.” 

Get her very loose and fluid. Then, roll her around and start kissing her a little bit. Shift your weight on top of her, but not all at once. She’s lying back on the bed. You get closer to her and drape your leg across her body. Kiss her face, her forehead, her neck. Then rise over her and play-act, pinning her down so she knows she can get out from underneath you if she wants to. Kiss her chest and her shoulders.

Then move toward her mouth, brush your lips, and go back to her neck. Brush her lips again and come back. Brush again and head for her ears. Then maybe kiss her again, giving her a little lick, then return to that erogenous zone – her ears. Your job is to move around and give her a lot of variety. Just let her relax into the sensations of making out. Then go for the deeper kisses, how she likes it – french kisses, deep probing make-out kisses, and start running your hands all over her body.

You’re doing is awakening her sensual grid. You’re firing up her skin so she can feel her sensual nature. You’re essentially making her body come alive by running the palms of your hands all over her whole body. Try to cover as much of her skin as you can. You’re reminding her body of its outer edges.

how to make love


Next, set up pillows so she’s completely relaxed and goes down on her. Here’s my cunnilingus pillow plan. Remember that you’re working your way from the outside in. You’re not going straight for her clitoris. Tell her how beautiful her pussy looks. Again, listen to your internal voice and tell her something specific you like about her private parts. By saying these things out loud, she’ll get increasingly turned on. I know it’s hard for some guys to voice their thoughts. Make an effort. It’s as essential to her to HEAR your affirmations of desire as it is for you that she dresses in lingerie. (No, not all men care about the visuals, nor do all women care about the verbal feedback, but generally, most do.) Tell her when you notice her yoni turning darker, getting plumper. Tell her that you want to lick her pussy and hear her moan with pleasure. Tell her you love seeing her orgasm face, and it makes you feel like a stud.

Dear man. Listen up. Don’t be goal-oriented. Your job is not to give her an orgasm. Instead, it is just to give her pleasure. If she comes, that’s great. If she doesn’t, don’t worry. Let go of any attachment to an outcome. It just creates performance anxiety for both of you. And confident men are good with whatever happens. So, just let things happen instead of trying to force it.

If you’re unsure how to give her cunnilingus or don’t have many moves to make her come, get on my Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection VIP Notification list. There are over 90 oral pleasuring techniques and 40 or 50 hand techniques. If she doesn’t like oral and doesn’t let you give her oral, get these videos. If she doesn’t enjoy cunnilingus, there’s a 99% chance you’re not good at it. When someone knows how to eat a pussy well, their partner wants it all the time. (Same with blow jobs.)

While you’re down on her, use your fingers and hands. You want to get inside her vagina to stimulate the urethral and perineal sponges of erectile tissue and the sensitive vaginal nerves and clitoral legs (crura). Rub and gently knead the tissue underneath her pubic hair areas too. That’s where her vestibular bulbs are. And at the top, across the mons venus under her pubic hair, there’s a tissue that needs to be softened for her to ejaculate fully. Suppose you can give her a pussy massage while licking her labia, the clitoris (including the hood and shaft), the urethral opening (pee hole), and her vaginal opening and G-Area inside her vaginal canal. In that case, you’ll stimulate the whole clitoral structure.

Clit Clipart


You’re getting as much blood to her genitals as possible. You want to get her fully engorged. Most men don’t realize that a woman has a penis, too. The female structure, similar to your penis, is inside, not outside. Her entire clitoral system is more than the little button guys think of as her clit. There’s also the shaft, the legs, and the vestibular bulbs. You want the entire area to be full of blood, so she has a hard-on in her vulva.

Then, you will start moving her around on the bed. While eating her pussy, move her legs, lift her butt, and jiggle her a little on your face. Pay attention to her responses and adjust. You can even discuss beforehand and set up a feedback loop that I discuss at length in my new free ebook, The Sexual Soulmate Pact. This is one of the six essential skills for connected sex from my new #1 international Amazon best-seller, Sexual Soulmates. Can I get a hell, yeah?

The main thing to remember is that you’re in charge.

You move her.

When you move a woman’s body, you carry her emotions. She is going to have so much fun. You might flip her over and give her a couple of little smacks on her bottom. You know, a spanking is nice. It doesn’t have to be a hard slap; you aim to enliven her sweet cheeks with sensation. It can be little tiny pats. It could be small squeezes. It doesn’t have to be a spanking, but that will get most women going because it’s something new that is a little naughty.

Then tell her, “I want you to go down on me now.” Give her direction. This is not a time to be needy or timid. Remember: you are leading her. Tell her to get on her knees. Tell her that you want her to give you three little licks on the tip of your cock… just a little tease.

You don’t want to have her deep-throat you just yet. If she’s not big on going down on you, make it short and easy for her to comply. “I want you to give me three little licks.” You can learn about teaching these techniques in Sloane’s book, The Blowjob Secret. The book goes into all the benefits of giving heads to women. I won’t go into that now, but you can go here to get the full download. Right now, I want you to gently grip her hair from the roots and slowly have her give you a few little licks. She may surprise you once she gets a taste of your cock.

Pay attention to your grooming to increase your chances of getting a good head from your woman. Shave back your pubic hair. If you have those scraggly hairs that dangle from the bottom of your penis, get the two grooming tools I recommend. Get your pubic situation manscaped, and she’ll be much happier going down on you. She’ll take it as a sign that you’re leading by making the whole experience work for her.

When you wash up beforehand, be sure to rinse thoroughly. Some soaps taste bad, and that’s the last thing you want her to experience when she takes you into their mouth. Women are susceptible to flavors, smells, and textures. How you taste or smell can make or break the mood, so use deodorant if you need it. You want the entire experience to be friction-free for her so she can relax and enjoy.

Once you see her aroused, tell her she will have to beg you for sex. You’re not giving it to her until she wants you inside her so bad she guides your cock between her legs and begs you to enter.

When she does, pick her up, lay her down on the bed, open her legs, and push her down. Make sure she’s down, hold her with one hand, and then have your penis in the other one, and tap your penis on her vulva. Tap it on her clit, rub it around. Go above her clitoral hood and tease the slick tissue with the tip of your cock. Hold the head of your penis and use it as a massage tool to stroke her fourchette and perineum. (NOTE: Don’t let your penis get anywhere near the anus if you plan to put it in her vagina, but you know that.)

Get her to want you to penetrate her. You want her to plead, “Oh baby, come on, you’re driving me crazy, let me have him. I want your cock inside me so bad.”

Be easy on yourself and her. No one expects you to do this perfectly. You’ll know you’re in the zone when she surrenders to your masculine leadership and decides to have a great time with it.

You’re stepping into a new role sexually. She might even give you feedback and say, “That doesn’t feel good.” Stay in the leadership position by saying, “Thanks, baby.” Shift your focus, pressure, or tempo, then ask, “Do you like this?” Your willingness to course-correct will make her trust you, even more to take her into exciting new sexual terrain.

When you are making love to her, try a few positions. Bend over the bed, “Baby, I’m taking you from behind. Put those high heels back on.” The whole time you’re telling her how unbelievably sexy she is to you, how much she turns you on, how no other woman does it for you as she does. Just keep giving her positive feedback and being the guy in charge.

After you’ve come, she might still have a few more orgasms in her, so put your fingers inside her and stroke her G spot. She might want to hold her vibrator on her clit to have a few more orgasms. You might be satisfied, but she’s got a few more orgasms in her. Have the vibrator clean and ready at the bedside table.

When you can’t wring one more orgasm out of her, hold her close and tell her what a fantastic lover she is.

That, my man, is masculine sexual leadership. She doesn’t have to wonder about the plan or what to do. She doesn’t have to tell you what to do. All she has to do is follow along and get fantastic sex and lots of orgasms from a man who adores her.

how to make love


The more you play with this and listen to what’s inside you, the more you’ll trust yourself, and the more she’ll trust you. You’ll start coming up with things you’d like to do, and she will. Tap into yourself, and you’ll find that your zest, vitality, and connection to yourself and your woman will grow and grow. And your life outside the bedroom will change in surprising ways.

And ladies, I hope you can find the words to describe any of the parts of this you’d like in your sex life. Please feel free to post under the video words of encouragement for the guys.

Post Your Comment Here ⇒ My Opinion of How To Ravish A Woman

I hope that gives you a picture of how to ravish your woman. Or how you want to be ravished.

I appreciate you being part of my world. If you have any questions, just reply to this email. 

Pretty Susan

Disclaimer: We frequently partner with companies providing products and services featured on our website in an affiliate relationship. We vet the products in advance to ensure they are trusted resources and recommend you research before purchasing. We welcome your feedback and recommendations. If you buy one of the products we recommend or click on one of the links in this article, we may receive a commission. Thank you for supporting us!

All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.

4 Responses

  1. Mrs.Susan this article is not good is GREAT thank you for teaching me notice that I said teaching me because I am not talking about other men I feel that you are talking to me guiden me to be more manly THANK YOU.

    1. Francisco,
      Thank you for your kind compliment. I hope this scenario I’ve laid out for you helps you take your woman on an erotic, orgasmic adventure!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *