The groundbreaking book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts, bases its findings on the online search queries of the millions of people who access online pornography. What makes the book’s conclusions both newsworthy and uniquely insightful is a combination of the sheer volume of the metrics used to collect the information and the fact that the results do not stem from individuals’ “self-reported” data. Think of this as a modern-day Kinsey report but better because. . .
If you ask people about their sex lives. . . they lie!
Whereas if you look at the data about the actual content they view you get a much more viable picture of reality.
The findings are based on a high volume of actions people take instead of statistically projecting outcomes based on what a sample says they do. That’s a vital and gigantic difference that gives incredible credence to the findings.
Of the many fascinating discoveries in A Billion Wicked Thoughts is the difference between what kind of sexual content men consume versus women. And the authors, Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam (silly names!) connect the dots from online behavior all the way back to the places in the brain the content stimulates and what the neuro-biological effects are on our relationship dynamics.
Why do you care? If you understand how to feed her primal sexual needs, you can increase her self-esteem, and feelings of worthiness and create a safe environment for her to really feel into her true desires without inhibitions.
Here’s a perfect example of the difference between men and women. The first part won’t surprise you. The data underscores what we already assume from experience.
Men like to look at a LOT of images of body parts. Specifically, they like to see breasts, hips, butts, and feet as well as feminine facial features. No surprise. What’s interesting is that men enjoy seeing high volumes of individual images of these parts, even without the rest of the body attached. Show them 100 pictures of boobs and they are excited, whereas women are not engaged by disembodied booties, no matter how luscious and plush. These signals of fertility are hard-wired into the desired center of men’s brains.
What Turns Women On?
Women, on the other hand, don’t care as much about the parts and prefer the emotional interaction between men and women.
Think “romance novel.”
Romance novels are a $Billion plus dollar a year business, as is porn.
“To put these numbers in perspective, about 100 million men in the United States and Canada accessed online porn in 2008 — just slightly more than the number of romance readers.”
Romance is female porn.
Women want to be desired. They want to feel sexually irresistible and adored. Those are the two fundamental psychological cues required by women to feel attraction. A quote by Swiss author, Madame de Staël sums up the pull between the male and female beautifully. . .
“The desire of the man is for the woman; the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
So, knucklehead, this means: Let her know you desire her!
Being desired is very arousing to a woman.
Apparently, the desire to be desired “appears to be a primal component of female sexuality, as basic as a man’s urge to chase and seduce.” The authors go on to explain that the need to feel irresistible is the reason women enter wet tee-shirt contests, go wild on spring break, and text (sext) their lovers sexy pictures of themselves.
The second primal trigger is the desire to be adored. The classic story arc of a romance novel requires the hero to love the heroine for her unique and special qualities. He would be a rogue sea captain busy doctor or a cowboy on the range if she wasn’t able to capture his heart with her remarkable set of attributes. It’s for these attributes that she wants to be loved. When you focus your appreciation on what is unique and special about her, she can truly BELIEVE that you adore her.
“There’s a fascinating parallel between what may be the greatest sexual self-delusion in men, and the greatest sexual self-delusion in women. Men are quite prone to believing they are inducing feelings of erotic ecstasy in their partner through their own sexual prowess. Women, on the other hand, are more easily manipulated by expressions of love.” — A Billion Wicked Thoughts
Finally, the authors made a list of all the emotional and psychological cues required to women may need to check off their list before they can truly give themselves over to their lust. How a man looks, including his height, his social standing, his personality match with hers, his level of commitment to her, how authentic he is emotionally to her (including his vulnerabilities), how confident he is, whether he wants a similar family orientation to his woman and what kind of family situation he comes from, his attitude toward children, his kindness and even his smell are all of vital importance to a woman’s decision to be sexual.
There are many cues you can share with a woman about this “laundry list” of her perfect man that will help her feel more comfortable in making love to you, because the more of these cues you satisfy, the more likely she is to want you.
Above all, success with a woman must be deeply entrenched in how you make her feel adored and irresistible. Remember those two primal sex triggers.
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