Though it seems counter intuitive, women’s sexual empowerment is strengthened by softening and opening. The more you open yourself to your sexuality. . . The more you are willing to receive pleasure. . . the more femininity you express. . . gives his masculine sexual leadership the ability to shine and be appreciated.
There are many ways to open your gift of the feminine with your lover:
– The way you speak to him.
– The clothing you wear.
– Your respect for and acceptance of your own body.
– Your willingness to have him guide you through new sexual experiences.
– And especially your attitude of trusting him and allowing him to pleasure you — and finding pleasure in what he’s doing to turn you on.
Of course, for this to work, your man must have Sexual Vision (one of The Four Keys to Seduction). He must provide the navigation and structure to your lovemaking, while noticing your biofeedback which we call, Erotic Vigilance. (another of The Four Keys). Because how can you let go if he’s not in charge?
What we women of the 21st Century must remember is that he can’t be in charge if we don’t allow him. It takes practice for a guy to be in charge in the bedroom such that you can completely relax and know he is going to offer you a series of arousing experiences. You can’t snap your fingers and lie down and assume he’ll “figure it out.” He needs your guidance, but that can be given without being a directive or a command.
Instead of saying, “Rub my clit this way.” You might say, “Feel free to try a wide variety of strokes and I’ll let you know which are my favorites if you want.” You can practice feeling the pleasure in every touch, lick, kiss and stroke he delivers by being present to his ministrations.
Instead of lying there wishing he was doing a certain thing, become aware of what he is doing in every moment and rise to meet him in that moment and bring your turn on to it. Not everything he does will get you off, or move your arousal higher, but bringing your positive turn on to all of his actions will increase arousal considerably for everything he does to you.
Think about all of your actions being an “invitation” to more pleasure together. Give him the space to come up with ideas.
If there’s a lull, instead of taking charge, just patiently wait until he offers you new ideas, or invite him to run you a menu of Small Offers (another of The Four Keys to Seduction). Keep the erotic energy high by stroking him, kissing him, moving against him until he gathers his thoughts and offers more stimulation to keep you moving toward orgasm.
Relax. Let your genitals open, your mouth open, your arms and legs open. Think about receiving his love, affection and sensual attention.
Speak sweetly and respectfully to him. Whisper erotic things in his ear. Tell him how handsome he is and what you admire about him. Let him know when he’s pleasuring you in a way that feels good. Give him heaps of positive feedback. Let him know how he’s doing. He can’t tell.
If you both enjoy it, wear some sexy lingerie or a silky nightgown he can remove. He will enjoy unwrapping you like a package. And when he takes off your clothes, keep disparaging comments OUT of the bedroom. He adores your body. Men like women’s bodies. Don’t ruin the moment by saying anything negative about your body. Appreciate yourself, your aliveness, your ability to make love. Be thankful for the gift of your body.
During lovemaking, invite your man to enjoy your body. Invite him to look at you naked. To drink you in. His eyes are starved to gaze at your womanly flesh. Open your legs and let him admire your Yoni. (genitals) Men are biologically wired to want to see your body parts. It’s how he gauged your fertility on the Savannah for millions of years. And now seeing your breasts, thighs, buttocks and genitals brings him enormous joy and arousal.
When you slow down and simply respond to what he’s offering, rather than directing him, you will begin to merge into one rapturous love connection together.
Another thing men appreciate that allows them to step into the masculine sexual leadership role and take charge is when it’s clear to him that you want him. Inviting him to make love to you lets him know you want him. Men get tired of “always being the one to initiate.” Though I’m not suggesting that you initiate, I am recommending you offer him an invitation for lovemaking. Let him know you are open to receiving his initiations. Encourage him to initiate lovemaking.
And during lovemaking, encourage him to ejaculate when you are ready to receive his release. Many men have guilt or shame around ejaculating. A man needs to know you want him in that way. Invite him to come inside you. Tell him you love it (if you do, of course!). Welcome him in and encourage him. It’s a beautiful experience of acceptance for a man to be invited to ejaculate inside you. This is an expression of your desire for him.
And finally… LOVE. A woman’s greatest gift is her love. Open your heart, pour out your love for him. Show him, tell him, let him feel how much you adore, respect and desire him. Your heart muscle will keep getting better and better at extolling love and feeling love. Work it, girl.