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Invitation: The Feminine Gift

Though it seems counter intuitive, women’s sexual empowerment is strengthened by softening and opening. The more you open yourself to your sexuality. . . The more you are willing to receive pleasure. . . the more femininity you express. . . gives his masculine sexual leadership the ability to shine and be appreciated.

There are many ways to open your gift of the feminine with your lover:

– The way you speak to him.

– The clothing you wear.

– Your respect for and acceptance of your own body.

– Your willingness to have him guide you through new sexual experiences.

– And especially your attitude of trusting him and allowing him to pleasure you — and finding pleasure in what he’s doing to turn you on.

Of course, for this to work, your man must have Sexual Vision (one of The Four Keys to Seduction). He must provide the navigation and structure to your lovemaking, while noticing your biofeedback which we call, Erotic Vigilance. (another of The Four Keys).  Because how can you let go if he’s not in charge?

What we women of the 21st Century must remember is that he can’t be in charge if we don’t allow him.  It takes practice for a guy to be in charge in the bedroom such that you can completely relax and know he is going to offer you a series of arousing experiences. You can’t snap your fingers and lie down and assume he’ll “figure it out.” He needs your guidance, but that can be given without being a directive or a command.

Instead of saying, “Rub my clit this way.” You might say, “Feel free to try a wide variety of strokes and I’ll let you know which are my favorites if you want.” You can practice feeling the pleasure in every touch, lick, kiss and stroke he delivers by being present to his ministrations.

Instead of lying there wishing he was doing a certain thing, become aware of what he is doing in every moment and rise to meet him in that moment and bring your turn on to it. Not everything he does will get you off, or move your arousal higher, but bringing your positive turn on to all of his actions will increase arousal considerably for everything he does to you.

Think about all of your actions being an “invitation” to more pleasure together. Give him the space to come up with ideas.

If there’s a lull, instead of taking charge, just patiently wait until he offers you new ideas, or invite him to run you a menu of Small Offers (another of The Four Keys to Seduction). Keep the erotic energy high by stroking him, kissing him, moving against him until he gathers his thoughts and offers more stimulation to keep you moving toward orgasm.

Relax. Let your genitals open, your mouth open, your arms and legs open. Think about receiving his love, affection and sensual attention.

Speak sweetly and respectfully to him. Whisper erotic things in his ear. Tell him how handsome he is and what you admire about him. Let him know when he’s pleasuring you in a way that feels good. Give him heaps of positive feedback. Let him know how he’s doing. He can’t tell.

If you both enjoy it, wear some sexy lingerie or a silky nightgown he can remove. He will enjoy unwrapping you like a package.  And when he takes off your clothes, keep disparaging comments OUT of the bedroom. He adores your body. Men like women’s bodies. Don’t ruin the moment by saying anything negative about your body. Appreciate yourself, your aliveness, your ability to make love. Be thankful for the gift of your body.

During lovemaking, invite your man to enjoy your body. Invite him to look at you naked. To drink you in. His eyes are starved to gaze at your womanly flesh. Open your legs and let him admire your Yoni. (genitals) Men are biologically wired to want to see your body parts. It’s how he gauged your fertility on the Savannah for millions of years. And now seeing your breasts, thighs, buttocks and genitals brings him enormous joy and arousal.

When you slow down and simply respond to what he’s offering, rather than directing him, you will begin to merge into one rapturous love connection together.

Another thing men appreciate that allows them to step into the masculine sexual leadership role and take charge is when it’s clear to him that you want him. Inviting him to make love to you lets him know you want him. Men get tired of  “always being the one to initiate.” Though I’m not suggesting that you initiate, I am recommending you offer him an invitation for lovemaking. Let him know you are open to receiving his initiations. Encourage him to initiate lovemaking.

And during lovemaking, encourage him to ejaculate when you are ready to receive his release. Many men have guilt or shame around ejaculating. A man needs to know you want him in that way. Invite him to come inside you. Tell him you love it (if you do, of course!). Welcome him in and encourage him. It’s a beautiful experience of acceptance for a man to be invited to ejaculate inside you. This is an expression of your desire for him.

And finally… LOVE. A woman’s greatest gift is her love. Open your heart, pour out your love for him. Show him, tell him, let him feel how much you adore, respect and desire him. Your heart muscle will keep getting better and better at extolling love and feeling love. Work it, girl.

17 Responses

  1. The facts are a lot of men are selfish lovers they do what they like and want a lot treat women like personal masturbation machines – and leave us going along with it or not in the end it’s far from authentic. Armoring can get worse if the woman has actually tried to communicate in a non dominating way what she likes and is ignored. Her orgasms are for his pleasure! Right?

  2. I actually had a guy pull just be receptive line on me when he pushed me to far – like on a third date naked in broad day light in a hot-tub. I tried telling him what I like in a sweet erotic whisper and he ignored that and went on with what he wanted. In the end we just didn’t have sexual chemistry. I love lingerie he wasn’t into it off it came to be boiled in a hot-tub.

    feminine needs to first to feel safe, comfortable, and intimate before she’s ready for genital stimulation.

    “The consequences may be even worse if the guy doesn’t catch on. As the woman continues to do what’s expected, her resentment builds. She loses respect for the man. There’s no real intimacy. It ends up killing her authentic sexual appetite. Not only does she miss the opportunity to discover what kind of stimulation would really be satisfying, but she develops a storehouse of anger and nothing kills sexual connection faster than anger.

    “If she’s gotten aroused, but again and again doesn’t orgasm, genital armoring may happen. Dr. Wilheim Reich, the founder of somatic therapy, developed the concept of body armoring. When it specifically impacting the genitals, we can it genital armoring.”

    There is a lot more on the topic of why women fake it

  3. But if the touches/strokes he’s giving me don’t feel good, I can’t fake feeling pleasure. I can’t pretend its good – so how am I supposed to help him when I’m supposed to lie there and be like “oh just keep trying whatever you want dear” and feel uncomfortable while he’s trying to find a pleasurable stroke. I don’t just want to lie there waiting for him to maybe figure it out. I feel awkward, which makes him feel awkward, and its just not good.

    1. K,

      I’ve found that suggesting something as an “I wonder what it would feel like if you . . . .” with an adoring smile or such. Or after you aren’t in ‘the moment’ say, “Hey, I read something really interesting the other day that sounds kinda fun. Would you consider trying it with me sometime?” that way it’s his choice and he can decide when and where. Or buy a couple books and leave them around or let him see you reading it! A book with information for male and females would offer you both ideas. I hope it gets better for you, I bet it will since it sounds like your heart is in it. 🙂 D

  4. Hello Susan,

    Many thanks for those valuable information. I’m sure it will help many couples to find the right bonding for exquisite love-making! I’ll forward this to my wife straightaway! 🙂

    It’s always a pleasure to read your well-written articles and I look forward to reading more soon! 😉

    Best regards

  5. I have craved these insights for decades. As a strong woman who has healed from extensive sexual violence, I’ve long wanted to get in touch with my femininity in a healthy manner.

    I’ve known intellectually it’s about finding a balance between the strong woman and the instinctive submissive inside me. I’ve known intellectually it’s about letting him lead…wanting him to lead…but without him requiring force or even persuasion.

    But, intellectually, I’ve been clueless what that balance looks/feels/presents like during lovemaking.

    So, this article gives me a breakthrough.

    Thank you.

  6. This explains what I’ve tryed to get my wife to hear from my heart and soul not just the words. I’ve tryed to write her poems and love letters of how exquisite how perfect every curve how the silky softness of her skin is like being on clouds in the sky and my soul goes to another plain where im not even in my own body anymore. Where it feels that I could just absorb her into my own flesh and become an extension of self, how all the stars in all the galaxies of the universe can’t compare or all the grains of sand isn’t enough to explain my heart fully.
    We have two kids been married for 15 years in a few months. Are there just some women that wont ever allow themselves tobe that open and exposed up until about 3 years ago I thought I knew my wife inside and out and both were beautiful but there is a dark side I’ve never seen and a side I’ve never known I know for sure I’ve given her pleasure {orgasms} but recently I’ve been informed that she’s not had many orgasms her whole life and it seems there’s been alot she’s hidden from me all these years and its been like she’s been taught by life or her mother or friends or society that a woman doesn’t deprive her husband of sex its got less and less over the years but someway she has it in her mind that sex is what I want that’s what she’s given me but what she’s given me has nothing to do with two people laying down and preforming an act and I haven’t been able
    to reach her spirit or for her to truly feel mine at the depth I feel for her. I’ve read I’ve studied I’ve talked I’ve prayed and pleaded she says she loves me she says she wants tobe with me she says she understands I’ve done and tryed the small offers I’ve just enjoyed being with touching massaging and expecting nothing,just touching and admiring her masterpiece of the womans form has been pleasurable in itself but she just doesn’t seem to have the same will or desire to touch or admire me in the same way is this just hopeless am I deluding myself is this just a measure of the way she feels about me or in herself. I know all humans wanted tobe loved and to give love I know what it felt like in the beginning but now I wonder if it just wasn’t her trying to please or win me over rather than actually feeling from her soul. There’s always a back story most always baggage we bring into new relationships and she is worth fighting for but when is fighting bordering on denial where do we draw the line in the sand how much love does it take to continue to feel none in return. She just doesn’t seem to want to get or accept that for a man it is just like air or food we can be strong and work to make it better but how long is long enough for every part of your life tobe miserable how long can you go without air without food without a healthy hunger for passion and love. The promise I made when I said I do is very important its not only my word to her but
    to GOD and my kids. When do you say she can’t or won’t I know she cares about me and loves me there just isn’t that fire that will that extra you have for the romantic kind of love you only have and give to one person maybe somebody can give me some clarity

    1. Hi R.

      I can see that you wrote this about a month ago but I was compelled to share some soul wisdom with you!
      Something powerful I have learnt over the the last sevenral years is that our soul can be shut down or blocked because we have bought values from authorities or particular religions & family members that don’t resignation with our soul! As a result of this our passion dies because we are living out a value system that we have bought to please other people!! So many women buy into a female gender role of servitude while their own importance is suppressed & as much as your wife no doubt loves you if she doesn’t reconnect to her own soul by remembering what makes her feel excited & actioning this it will be impossible to give to you what she “may” have denied herself! (As so many of us women do). Women have been taught by religion and tradition society that their sexuality is a sin & even though this is the 21st century servitude female rolls still dominate our belief systems! I hope you are able to support your wife in reconnecting with her own inner passions so that your relationship can also be renewed! Many blessings to you both!

    2. I was the same way with my husband for many, many years. That was until he had an affair. It changed my whole perception of myself. I’m not saying you would even consider this option. You need to lay it on the line for her. Christians can be tempted too and it’s not something either of you want to experience. I am no longer embarrassed by my body. In fact, our physical relation has greatly improved. I’d even say we fight now b/c I want to have sex much more than he does and now I’m the one who stays up late frustrated. It’s shown me how he felt all those years. He’s dealing with a lot of guilt and shame which makes initiating sex difficult and I’ve lost so much self confidence that I have troubles too. It’s a long, difficult road back to a new, better path. TALK TO HER WITH URGENCY

  7. Very True about encouraging him to ejaculate inside you and being an open vessel for his masculine energy so that he will initiate and lead feminine energy as much as he can. Well said, thank you!

  8. I LOVE the idea of encouraging him to initiate. It’s tricky to get the balance of the masculine and feminine energies that create and sustain polarity at times. I’m just learning the delicacy of the invitation, the feminine opening that activates his masculine energy yet still gets something done. Like many elements of the feminine, the delicacy is its strength.
    I think this is such an important distinction for women who want our men to live from their masculine in the bedroom especially, yet also want to have some choice and power.

  9. Awesome,I’ve enjoyed the insight as well a thee reminders of just how we as females need to be towards our lover in the bedroom for making love is a beautiful connection of two bodies becoming one..after all you get just as good as you give. Thank-you Soooh much!!!!!!

  10. Very well said. These are the exact things that a loving man desires and appreciates from his woman. It does allow him to express his natural masculinity.

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