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Clitoral Stimulation And Erection

how to find the g spot

Try this free Engorgement activity and experience clitoral stimulation, taken from Dr. Patti’s best-selling seminal book, Expanded Orgasm.


Set a goal of studying engorgement. Notice what unengorged genitals look like.

Your articles are BRILLIANT! I signed up for your newsletter immediately. Your free expanded orgasm book also blew my mind. I now understand the true purpose of foreplay and arousal — engorgement. Now I know better and foreplay has a whole new purpose for me and my partner. I can’t wait to begin exploring what else I can do. Thanks for this fantastic resource!”

— Sarah G.

Men: Repeat the exercise of “playing doctor,” having your partner identifying a wide variety of your genital strokes. This time, however, practice verbal acknowledgements while you investigate. Tell her exactly what part you are touching. Tell her every stroke you are making. Notice as you do this how her level of engorgement changes.

Sexual Tips For Clitoral Stimulation

Her inner lips will begin to swell. Often one side will begin to change size first. Notice this and comment. For example,

“Now I am touching your outer right lip, near the top. I’m moving down slowly, toward your introitus. Now I am at the introitus. You’re starting to lubricate. I see little glistening drops of moisture just starting to form. You look most inviting. Now I am going up your left inner lip. Your left inner lip has become larger than your right lip was starting out. It is puffy and soft and looks very inviting!”

She may begin having genital contractions, which look like subtle or not-so-subtle clenching motions in her labia. Some women naturally contract more than others. Not all women are aware of any, some, or all of the contractions they are having. Starting out, if she is having contractions, they may be too subtle for her to fell, but easy for you to see visually. Note that contractions are not necessary for the experience of pleasure. Notice and enjoy them if and when they show up, but don’t worry if you don’t see them.

The coloring of her clitoris, lips and introitus will also change from a light pink to a dustier rose. Eventually, as she becomes very swollen, they will often be dark red, or even purplish in color. Notice her color changes, her contractions, and anything else you can. Comment as you notice. A steady steam of comments is the most effective.

    • “Your clitoris is glistening like a pretty pink pearl. It is coming out to play.”
    • “Your lips are getting softer and fuller. They feel nice and cushiony.”
    • “Your outer lips are about fifty percent more engorged than when we started just ten minutes ago.”
    • “The color of your inner lips has gone from a dark pink to a deep red.”
    • “I see you are starting to contract very gently. There’s one now.”
    • “There’s another contraction. This one was stronger, too.”
    • “Your clitoris has tripled in size when I started touching you. I find that very attractive.”

Men, when you put this kind of attention on a woman’s genitals, you are complimenting her and approving of her at a very deep level. You are supporting her in feeling sexually desirable and deserving of all the pleasure that she can possibly consume.

Expanded Orgasm - Soar To Ecstacy

Women, notice how it feels to be receiving so much feedback and attention. Communicate with your partner the pleasure you feel in receiving these gifts.

    • “A pink pearl.. what a lovely image.”
    • “Engorged? Already? That’s great to know. Thank you.”
    • “Yes, I can feel my outer lips swelling to reach for the wonderful sensations you are providing me. Please continue.”
    • “I am so enjoying all your descriptions of what is going on. You are focusing my attention on my pleasure in the nicest way.”
    • “Thanks for noticing those contractions. I didn’t feel the contractions, but I love to know when they are starting.”

By talking in this way, ladies, you are rewarding your man for his actions. He will want to give you increasingly more pleasurable attention when your sandbox date starts out this enthusiastically.

Download our free eBook below to learn more clitoral stimulation techniques.

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49 Responses

  1. May I request to know more about you Susan at my email if agreed to be good friend. I am 60 years old Young man.

  2. My inner lips have always been a darker brown color on the outer edges and I’ve always been self conscious that men don’t find it attractive. In porn and the media vaginas are portrayed as all pink and even photo retouched to make them look better. I think this has given men a false idea of what a normal or sexy vagina should look like. I let my husband look at my lady parts but do not feel very confident in the way it looks and it’s hard for me to feel sexy because of it. He made a comment one time recently about the color and I’ve fealt wierd more so ever since. Where can I go to find a variety of pictures of vaginas to show him so I’m not so self conscious about this?

  3. Very sexy, sexy, sexy words you write. Very stimulates me to my erections. You use language like ladies fingers, palms, mouth, tittys, feels on hetero erectus genitalia. Your choices of descriptive words are seductive and enticing. I have very much pleasure from my erections and personal masturbations. How do I convince a beautiful lady to play with my erections, mutual masturbations, intercourses? Heterosexual inter courses and masturbations are very pleasurable to me, only a rare event in my life. I love intercourses and masturbations to ejaculate mine and accept it. A lady having her vagina ejaculated is what she means be vaginal orgasm. It must be awesome to be a woman and have so many different ways to orgasm.

  4. Hi Susan

    Thanks a lot for your teaching, its changing my life in bed. Thank you so much.



  5. Susan thanks a lot for you and team great teachings.You have changed my sexual life but only struggling to stay long pumping in her coz i really come so fast then my tool goes weak which embarrasses me a lot.I like your teaching and information on sex styles n everything kudos guys!

    1. Hi Charles,
      Use the ME Breath from our Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men program.

      “As I told one woman recently:

      The ME Breath is a move a man makes while making love to you. It gives him the ability to gas and brake his arousal so he has unlimited stamina to take his time and be present with you and really make love to YOU. It also lets him run is energy up into his body so he can experience full body, energy orgasms (dry orgasms where he doesn’t ejaculate so he can continue to be inside you). When he has these energy orgasms, it will trigger your orgasms. It’s a natural cycle.

      The ME Breath has three simultaneous parts to it. It consists of a squeeze of his PC muscle (like a Kegel exercise), a certain breath he takes that is natural but allows him to have stamina and a thrust that relaxes his pelvis so he can maintain his erection without coming too fast. You can breathe with him as he’s doing it and you will feel very close to him. The thrust has a little pivot to it that feels incredible inside your vagina.

      It’s a very simple movement a man makes during sex to stop worrying about coming too fast and so he can be totally present with you instead of distracting himself by thinking of things that turn him off so he doesn’t come before you want him to.”

      Does this makes sense to you?

  6. Nice site. What I think needs now to be discussed is how Women can find a way to rid themselves of thoughts of responsiblity to the kids, their work, what ever to get into their “All NaturaL” Animalistic state. Any women here able to use Yoga or anything else, to release and get 100% into that mood? Personally I think that’s the main thing, and inhibitions learned as a young girl are holding most women back from relaxing and getting into that animalistic state to be able to have more Orgasims!

    I agree men should be more verbal. I’m verbal and my shy, reserved, conserviative gal moves between being very feminine, serving gal to me in bed to being a real lioness at times – I enjoy it all.

    My gal is becoming more “all natural” like probably “Eve” was back in early Biblical Times, and consequentially having more Orgasims each time.
    Up to regularlly 6-8 per session and now addicted to me – and hey there’s 30 years age difference to me.

    Another weird thing. I’m a sensitive male, and she’s all the Viagra I need, she has such a power over me (a certain part), when she wants me. I never have to worry about being able to get it up. I adore her!

    1. I find watching how a women licks another womens clitoris is so orchestrated the timing and the waiting for anticipation drives you wild with excitement and the wonder of what the female anatomy works so many ways of engorging and release and just letting the the little clit come out top play. I love women

    2. I like the way this man spoke about the power of love and the verbal courtship that involves just so many personal dialougues that only 2 people have it seems like a program of a soulmate. in my case I loved my neighbor and it took a year for us to develop a sexual relationship but when we did we knew it was a special thing that you don’t find all of the time.Just last june 3-2015 she fellout of bed accidently and died she was a precious person. But alas I have to go after 22 yeers .I hope there is someone I can love and have a happy ending with my Sandra would want that for me.

      1. Dear Steven,
        I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you had the love of Sandra in your life. She showed you how to love. And she would want you to love more. Please get yourself out there and find another lovely lady to share your life with. Watch this Online Dating Workshop where Scot McKay and I talk about how older men can very effectively use online dating to find love.
        Sandra does not want you to be alone.

    3. Stress is the #1 issue women struggle with to lose themselves to their sexuality. What can you do to remove her stress and relax her more? Ask her.

      1. I fear as though I’ve given up hope. I’ve ordered the steamy DVDs months ago and he doesn’t want to watch them. I paid for a relationship course to which he did 2 sessions with me and then now doesn’t want to complete them. I’ve tried everything! And sex is less and when I talk about the subject he blames it on my stress. I don’t know what to do besides find a secondary lover on the side as my sexual needs are more than once a month. I feel like I have to give up

        1. Hi Fairy Princess,
          Put on your most compassionate heart and in a low-pressure environment, sit your partner down and begin asking what is going on with him.
          Lack of sexual interest comes from a health issue — emotional and physical. Was there past trauma? Is your partner depressed? Was their shame or guilt from a past lover, family, culture or religion? Is there a physical health issue?
          Find out very gently what is going on inside your partner’s mind.
          Start there.
          You may also offer to plug in the male sensual massage technique video and follow along while you are doing to your man what the video shows.
          See if he responds to your sensual touch. It’s a great place to start.


  8. As an older man, I have found that the best position for me to appreciate my wife’s genitals is to lay on my back with my head on a narrow pillow and have her straddle my head holding the headboard of our bed. in this position I can easily lick and suck her genitals and clit. It also allows her to move around and position me to be in a position to lick her where she wants it most at that time. After a while when she is really turned on her inner clit becomes enlarged and do to its weight and gravity will drop down so I can lick and suck it which gives her an orgasm very quickly. Also from this position I can reach up and play with her breasts and make the nipples hard which excites her even more. from this position it is real easy for her to slide down to a modified cowgirl position for me to penetrate her. We just have her more her hands from the headboard to the bed behind her and straighten her legs until she is positioned on my penis. this puts her in a position similar to a bronco rider and with my hands on her butt we can both slide her back and forth on my penis so I am hitting her g-spot on the roof of her vagina.

  9. Yes, Susan, my lady’s vaginal area behaves exactly as you have told. In about 5 minutes of foreplay, her clitoris hardens and juts outward, to shapely pinkinsh colour, and her outer and inner lips become bigger to be about 2 or even 2-1/2 times the normal size. Their colour changes to very inviting reddish. The glistening fluid now starts to drip and it tastes very, very wonderful and intoxicating. But how is it that she does not like its taste?
    She cums, and cums and at least enjoys it 3 times, the 3rd time it is very intense, earth-shaking to her, and she makes strange shivering, shrill sounds. She said it is due to a Tsunami of pleasure she gets at this stage.
    Further, I don’t think a lady will bot guide her man. Once she is in bed with him, there is no shame or fear. They always guide, demand and tell what to do and how. Men, for heaven sake, don’t curb them from expressions during the act. If you do that, she will feel inhibited thereafter. So you must encourage them to open up and guide,whether by hand, or verball or whatever signals she like to communicate with.
    This way, it is a journey you both take towards heavens..

  10. Dear Sus, you are so clever, your advises are incredible, you now very well how to push buttons in the mind of man, i think these are all part of dirty talks which essential for mind blowing sex.

  11. Thank you for given men like me this wonderful teaching on clit erections and arousal that follows it. whenever I noticed that my wife’s clit has risen or swollen my own arousal becomes very high and when my wife notices it her arousal comes up very highly too and wants me to enter her, and when I did both of us will have wonderful or gas together and u can imagine how two of us will feel together in each others arm. l love ur teaching. It is nothing but absolutely true. In most cases my always signal me to start from clitoris the day she will like to squirting. Thanks and good bye.

  12. My Lady is Thai & Chinese when we get together I WILL USE THESE TECHNIQUES ON HER. When we get together she has no idea, what I’m going to do to her WILL endear her to me — FOREVER!! I will keep you updated!!

  13. I really appreciate you encouraging men and teaching them how to talk to us women. I can’t speak for other women, but only for myself. I do feel uncomfortable and self conscious and not sexy when my man is looking at my lady bits and doesn’t say anything. I can tell he is turned on and isn’t grossed out but just knowing that isn’t enough to break through the self consciousness. I long for him to tell me what he is seeing, how hot it makes him, how sexy and delicious my lady bits are. If he said those things it would erase all my uneasiness and wipe away any self consciousness and bring out my inner frisky sex kitten. My point Men, Susan is so right, hearing those words really do matter and make a difference!

    A good illustration: i used to dislike my breasts until my man told me how much he loved them, how perfect they were and how turned on they made him. That was 15 years ago and ever since then nothing has robbed me of the confidence and love I have for my breasts, but it took him telling me the positive way in which my breasts affected him for me to own my beautiful breasts and be confident showing them off. Now, even if he doesn’t say anything and just looks at them eagerly I can hear his praising words, where as had he never said anything i would still be unsure. My point for use women hearing how hot are parts are is crucial to bringing out our sex kitten!

  14. I have to say when i signed up on this webiste for the info. i have to say i thought it would be a waste of time. I could not have been more wrong Susan you and the ladies over at PLM are amazing much needed info. where were you guys when i was in my 20’s lol. On a serious note i can’t thank you enough for all the info on how to please the ladies. As a single Mature Man dating a few women let’s just say the activity has picked up in my bedroom x10. Fellas try and not use the info for evil. That pic at the start of the email good lord where do you find these beautiful women, she’s amazing.

    Newark NJ

  15. Dear Susan, The way you have explained in the above valuable information,
    I was dreaming that i am actually doing it with my GF and i am experiencing pleasure out of that. Thanks for the guidance will definitely adopt in practice.

  16. My question is: How do you find the clitoris before engorgement?
    An engorged clitoris is 3 times larger than unengorged clitoris.

  17. Nice article ! What I found myself with a few of my sessions over the past week, I notice is being discussed. It is not necessary that you speak these words…but during foreplay, women should allow men to liberally feel the pussy with their hands first and then with their lips, tongue much later. Men on their part use their fingers to gently (for first two minutes) and then with a little hard (for next two minutes) over the pussy lips and lightly inside and then quite liberally (for next two minutes)put fingers to rub the clit in circular motion and then when she likes than insert the fingers with palm facing you gently and locate the rough-skinned g-spot and give gentle but firm rubs. That’s it. Everything is place for a fabulous session then-after. In fact chances are she already cum once and when be very pleased to go for the very next with more passion, and energy to now satisfy you totally. This animal-like feeling she gets now to satisfy you back is what you should aim for, before you seriously get thinking about satisfying yourself. If the above is achieved, you get nice 10-15 minutes of full-filling session for both the sexes and you look-forward to having it more often this way…and the next times create variations of all positions that is women-on-top always. Again the animal-spirits of her helps you to as well be satisfied…

  18. I’ve used this technique and have tried to be as gentle as possible but I get no reaction whatsoever from my wife. She says she doesn’t feel anything at all. What can I do so that she will be more responsive?

    1. Chris, are you using lubrication and stroking her rhythmically while varying the strokes and pressure? Start out lighter and add more pressure as you go. Start out smaller and weave in faster variations. Ask her to signal what feels good by pressing your leg with her hand. If she’s not pressing your leg, keep moving around her clit, over, under, circles, windshield wipers… all the while telling her what you see or feel so she gets positive feedback. And before you start, make sure the room is nice and she can RELAX. Also, read Dr. Patti’s free ebook, Touching For Rapture. You could be “touching for effect,” instead of rapture, which may be why she’s not feeling it. Practice for 2 minutes every day, first thing in the morning before you both get up if she’s willing.
      Post back here and let us know how this helped.

      1. Being an expert in arousal, I’m sure you’re aware that regardless of what you do to someone, if their mind isn’t engaged. you may not go very far in arousing particularly a woman. Mental, and emotional stimulation is key in many cases. What you say, and how you play before erotic touching can go quite a ways in “priming her engine”. I do appreciate all that you have shared with us as readers.

      2. my wife is very shy in talking while making love
        i am trying her to realise the special effects sensitive point eg she does not want to go beyonf cliotris stimulation and cliotris orgasm and i find it very strange that the same girl/my wife after only after clitris orgask would request for hard and fast strokes as long as i can total stay on target are with love making is 45 minutes to one hour and that is wonderful–your comment-SUSAN

  19. I hope some day you take the time to look at your own genitals and realize how beautiful they are. And that your man would love to see your whole body and delight in it.

  20. After several years of marrage in the last 3months I started talking to her about the things I saw happening I she got aroused, which aroused her even more.I even started to take and show her pictures I took with my phone.she got so arousedwhere her clit stood out the lenght of my finger nail,her lips turned purple,I got her to touch her clit while I took a picture and the first time she had an orgasm andsquirted on the phone and the sheets were soaked. She has several climacs easly, but first orgasm.

        1. I am fascinated by the clitoris and its ability to become both sensual and erotic and ejactulateory or am I mistaken and then the many sensory round about feelers in the vulva area that are are a new experiencnce in it6self I am getting so excited I don’t know how to spell wow

  21. Thanks for your information initially i used to feel uncomfortable when my partner is looking unto my genitals but nowadays am okay.

  22. something to think about thanks! tho i have to confess i feel very self-conscious when my partner is staring at my lady bits.

    1. My wife feels the same but I love the way she looks and the thought that she’s mine and I so want to please her but she’s forever tense or stressed

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