I often bring up Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book, “Come As You Are,” and I explain the four cues a woman’s mind and body use to feel interested in intimacy.
You see, generally, women don’t walk around craving intimacy like men. This is very confusing for both sexes. He wonders why she doesn’t come to him for closeness and takes it personally.
She wishes she could initiate intimacy… but something holds her back.
Much love is left on the table because men and women don’t understand how to make it easy to come together.
That is why I am excited to share this list of reasons that hold women back from closeness. Because when you know what might be the hold-up, you can remove the roadblocks.
Here are the eight ways that women’s intimacy braking systems are engaged.
Knowing these will help you identify what might be holding you back or if it’s your partner’s brakes are squealing, you can support her in working through whichever of these issues is affecting your relationship.
- Body Self-Image
- Concerns About Her Reputation
- Founded or Unfounded Mental Worries
- STI and Contraception Concerns
- Feeling Desired versus Feeling Used by Partner
- Feeling “Accepted” by Partner
- Partner’s Style of Approach and Timing at Initiation
- Negative Mood
Taking responsibility for solving, compromising (in a good way!), or working around issues brings you closer together. Identifying and giving voice to your “braking system” can take your foot off the brakes and move you toward more pleasure.
Sometimes communication is complex when you can’t identify what’s holding you back. Knowing this list will help you focus on “it” so you can resolve the issue.
And because we women are hormonally-driven creatures, the list may differ daily, depending on what Dr. Nagoski calls “context.”
As your context, situation, and surroundings (including what’s going on inside you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically) change, your reasons for feeling your braking system working shift.
Getting to know and honor yourself (or your lady) and finding what roadblocks to pleasure can be navigated around or through will bring you closer together.
Take time to explore, and you’ll be richer for it.
Remember to be affectionate to yourself and your partner when gently opening up to these conversations.
