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“Sex hurts when we’re in his favorite position” [Mailbag]

Let’s talk about something often brushed under the rug but is super important. 

Communication for Sex and Intimacy. 

Now, why should you care? 

Because, Sweetie, the key to unlocking pleasure and connection from each other doesn’t just lie in the physical act, but in the words, gestures, and emotional connection you share with your partner.

It’s not just about “doing the deed”; it’s about creating a space where you and your partner feel seen, heard, and loved. That’s the authentic recipe for fireworks!

And if you think this is all “airy-fairy,” let me tell you—learning to express your desires openly can lead to a more satisfying, intimate, and healthier relationship. 

Speaking of intimacy and communication, I’ve got a touching email from Kaya (not her real name) that dives into this topic.

Trust me, it’s a must-read, especially if you’ve ever felt unsure about communicating your sexual needs and preferences. 

Check out Kaya’s email and my response below. 

Click Here To Download The Sexual Soulmate Pact ⇐ The Two-Word Phrase That Ignites Passionate Lovemaking.

Click Here To Download 7 Stimulating Sex Positions ⇐ Pleasure Multiple Erotic Spots At The Same Time.

Dear Susan,

Thanks again for your life-changing and essential work!

I don’t know whom to turn to with the question I feel vulnerable about.

My boyfriend likes to penetrate me while I lie on my back with my legs up. I don’t know why, but this is rather painful for me. When we were in another position, he thrust forcefully with rapid moves. I just feel my body contract, which doesn’t feel good. I just don’t know why. He gives me a good, loving massage and oral pleasuring beforehand, so this isn’t the problem.

Are there more women like me that feel it’s painful being penetrated while on their back and feel that their vagina contracts this way? Could it be that there is too much tension in me? Could it be that there is trauma within me?

Or am I normal, and do I prefer being penetrated very slowly and carefully with soft thrusts? Or like being in a Yab-Yum position while he’s inside me, kissing and caressing each other slowly, moving my body around his penis. The problem is that this is not a turn-on for my partner. Sometimes I think he looks at too much porn.

What to do? 

I’m crying about this. I want to feel my sexual goddess, not this contracted, painful feeling. I’m just so unsure about the cause of this. What do I need to do?

Thank you so much beforehand, dear Susan, and please keep informing us!!

With a deep, loving bow to you,

Kaya (not her real name) 


Hi Kaya,

I’m glad you have a boyfriend with good intentions, and you’re listening to your body.

This is a perfect time to explore what feels good and begin communicating it to your partner.

Every woman wants different things each time she makes love. This is very normal for the female body.

Here is my Sexual Soulmate Pact, a communication agreement that helps you listen to your body and communicate her needs to your partner.

I suggest you enter into a learning phase with him where you are very verbal and ask for exactly what you want. Make as many adjustments as you need. Take breaks during intercourse. If you don’t like something, speak up and adjust.

I suggest you try a few new positions from my 7 Stimulating Sex Positions illustrated guide. Become more facile with different positions but at speeds that feel good.

You might gain much experience with pleasure practicing Cowgirl, where you can be more in control.

Anything that turns you off, just say, no, I don’t want that. 

Empower yourself to get what you need. Men do want to please us. They just need good direction. 

Also, ask your boyfriend to abstain from porn during this phase—100% zero porn. And to not do anything to you he’s seen on porn. And to stay present to you and be in the moment.

Try this for a month or two, and let me know how it goes.

Click Here To Download The Sexual Soulmate Pact ⇐ The Two-Word Phrase That Ignites Passionate Lovemaking

Click Here To Download 7 Stimulating Sex Positions ⇐ Pleasure Multiple Erotic Spots At The Same Time

Very Sexy Susan

All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.

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