Let’s dive into a topic buzzing in my inbox…
How performance anxiety ruins sex for guys.
Understanding performance anxiety helps us become more empathetic partners and gives us a new perspective on our relationships and bodies.
I received a thought-provoking email from a fan. His heartfelt words shed light on how performance anxiety has affected his relationship.
Scroll down for his email and my response below.
Click Here For PreLong ⇐ Contains St. John’s Wort + L-Citrulline. (88 Bottles Remaining)
Get Hard Book ⇐ Includes 3 Techniques To Help Maintain A Relaxed And Focused Mindset During Intimate Moments
IMPRESS AND SATISFY
“Hi, Susan,
You write about many different scenarios where you’ve helped struggling couples. I’m in a situation of my making that I cannot seem to get out of.
In the late summer of 2022, during a very stressful time in my work/career, I failed to “function” several times, leading to performance anxiety. I’ve tried many techniques to overcome that, but the hole gets deeper.
At the same time, my wife had seen a new PCP, and on her health checkup review, the doc told her she was overweight and had to lose 20 lbs. That formed a self-loathing of her body, seeing herself as fat and chubby.
Couple that with the loss of erection, and now you have a recipe for disaster. She sees my failure to perform as a direct verification of her poor self-image. I, again, have tried many techniques to get back on track, but my fear of hurting her and her fear of getting hurt (feeling unattractive) have caused a downward spiral that seems impossible to break.
When I try to bring in close intimacy and touch, she feels it is just a veiled attempt to get something I want while hurting her even more. She would prefer to be sexless than be made to feel unattractive because of me.
What can I do to reverse this? I tell her I think she’s attractive, but she says I only say “words” and that my actions prove otherwise. Just struggling to get the train back on the tracks.”
—Mark (not her real name)
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Hi Mark,
OK, you two are caught in a weird dynamic. It’s time to break the pattern.
A few things are going on that need to be unwound.
1) Educate your wife that getting more stressed out about performing will never solve the problem. And her taking it personally is laying an even heavier load on you. And that until she understands that your anxiety is not associated with how much you find her attractive, she’s adding to the stress. You have to make this very clear to her. You have to explain it in several ways over a few days. Be in conversation with her and talk this through. Ask her to repeat back to you what she hears you saying so you can tell when she gets it.
2) Start taking her on daily walks. Hold her hand. Talk to her. Get her moving. She needs to lose 20 lbs, and I’m sure a little exercise won’t hurt you, either. So take command as the man, set the walk times, and get her up and out the door.
You’ll rekindle your emotional connection once you are out in nature, getting your blood moving. This will make you both less anxious.
3) Our book Get Hard Instantly… has 4 in-the-moment techniques for getting out of your head and into your body in ways that quell your anxiety. I suggest you also start taking PreLong. It’s a supplement by Dr. Judson Brandeis for men with performance anxiety and premature ejaculation. The key ingredient is St. John’s Wort, one of the most common botanicals used in Europe for anxiety and mood. Studies and users have claimed it can help make you feel better. It takes a month or so to kick in. Give it time, stay consistent for two months, and see how you feel.
4) Slow your roll. Hold her, kiss her, hug her, bring her flowers. Three times a day, tell her something you find attractive about her physically, and three times a day, tell her something you appreciate about her (how smart she is or how talented she is). Use specific details, not generic language.
She will feel much closer to you between the hugs and snuggles, the daily walks, and the verbal encouragement.
Once you two start remembering how much you love each other, you’ll start getting turned on by each other again, and the performance anxiety will wane. You have to get back to your heart, and so does she.
You guys are spun out. Reel yourselves back in.
Click Here For PreLong ⇐ Contains St. John’s Wort + L-Citrulline. (88 Bottles Remaining)
Get Hard Book ⇐ Includes 3 Techniques To Help Maintain A Relaxed And Focused Mindset During Intimate Moments
All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.
