Which one seems sexiest to you?
Learning new sexual techniques and having novel sexual experiences help you become a better lover.
Variety in your bedroom play also results in a more satisfying sex life. Some couples are afraid to make requests out of fear of rejection. People often struggle not in the willingness to try new things but in thinking up what might be fun.
Try this reframe.
MAKE YOUR BUCKET LIST TODAY
Sometimes you just want to make love. Other times you are open to having a co-creative learning experience. Strike a balance between getting into the well-worn groove of what works for you and stretching to create new pathways to pleasure.
When you separate “sex” from “new learning experiences that increment our skills and satisfaction,” it removes the pressure. You can just “try it.”
There are three fundamental rules to having a great sex life:
- Running a menu of sexy offers is always better than just offering “sex.” We, humans, prefer multiple choice.
- Having an ongoing Sex Life Bucket List means never running out of fun ideas.
- Scheduling learning dates to try new experiences means you’re more likely to commit to and follow through on growth activities. (Plus, the planned date gives you something to look forward to.)
And if you’re single, having a research partner, a friend with benefits, or a lover is perfectly acceptable. You can keep waiting for the perfect life partner and still improve your sexual skills. There are a lot of people willing to have this kind of relationship. They are out there.
Start here.
First, figure out what fun, sexy things you’d most like to try together. Then you automatically have the menu ready. All you need to do is put dates on the calendar. Then when the date comes around, you have ideas and can choose from a list.
This planning is what it takes to improve your sexuality, grow your skills, deepen your connection and maintain excitement in your relationship.
Make a list, set a date, and choose from your menu.
That’s it.
When you know the techniques you want to learn or the experiences you want to have, you accelerate your sexual maturation and expand your expertise and confidence.
Here are five categories of techniques and skills that are learnable and increase your overall sexual satisfaction:
- Orgasmic expansion
- Sex positions
- Sex toys
- Verbal skills
- Oral and intercourse techniques
The Sex Life Bucket List assessment goes deeper into these categories and their options. It’s a downloadable PDF that you can print out and decide which of the 48 ideas appeals to you. You put an A next to those you want to try. Put a B next to those you’re open to trying if your partner wants to. And put a C next to those not for you right now.
Rank and order your A’s and share with your partner. Then combine your favorites to create a target list of sexual experiences you want to get on your calendar.
Let me delve into the five-date ideas in a bit more detail.
Orgasmic Expansion
There are more than twenty ways the human body can achieve orgasm. Orgasmic triggers fall into three categories. The first category is areas you touch on the body to trigger orgasmic pleasure. Prostate and G-Spot stimulation are examples of locations to connect. The second orgasmic triggers utilize specific techniques such as becoming a multi-orgasmic man or a woman experiencing female ejaculation. The third category uses toys and objects that elicit orgasmic bliss, such as the sight of sexy lingerie or the feel of a new pleasure toy.
Just learning one of those orgasm techniques, doing a lingerie fashion show, or having your first P-spot orgasm can be an enormously satisfying sex date. When you have a “win” together, it brings you closer. And when things go wrong, you have fun memories! Many more orgasmic techniques are listed in the Sex Life Bucket List assessment, from which you can choose.
Sex Positions
Sex in new positions and locations brings new relationship energy into your dynamic. Some of my favorite positions incorporate stimulating multiple erogenous zones simultaneously. For example, when your lover is on top, your hands are free to guide their rhythm, stroke their body, and kiss them passionately. If you have sex off the bed, you can easily incorporate sex toys into the experience. There’s a link in the assessment to my 7 Stimulating Sex Positions illustrated guide.
Sex Toys
There’s an explosion of sex tech just waiting for you to enjoy. There are toys for the male and female anatomy, couples toys, remote toys, programmable toys, quiet toys, and toys that come with games. I recommend you try orgasmic cross training — which means you have numerous toys that stimulate your bodies in different ways. This allows you to activate your genitals such that a wide variety of stimulation gets you off. This expanded orgasmic response helps you have more orgasmic pleasure even when toys aren’t involved.
A woman can enjoy air stimulators, lickers, thrusters, vibrators, and g-spot toys, giving different sensory experiences. A man can enjoy prostate massagers, penis rings, sleeves, and male vibrators, which all expand his orgasmic ability.
In my sex research, couples rank themselves low in skill at using toys together. Yet this is one of the easiest and most fun ways to spark zest!
A vibrating penis ring is my favorite recommendation for couples to integrate into their play. She can maximize her pleasure when she uses a combination of thrusting and grinding in a woman-on-top position. My two favorites are the Hot Octopuss
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Verbal Skills
Most people are relatively quiet during sex. There is plenty of room for improvement in the aural and verbal attributes of hot sex. From adoration and worship to encouragement — from sexy talk to fantasy sharing — sensual talk is the low-hanging fruit of pleasure amplification.
Making noise and sharing conversation during lovemaking are learned skills. The more you do it, the better at it you get. Try sharing a fantasy while you’re doing something you regularly do. Adding the verbal aspect to something comfortable helps you increase the pleasure while feeling grounded.
Here’s another little trick. Pretend your partner is hard of hearing. Moan loudly enough that they can hear you with impaired hearing. Once you get used to being that loud and see how turned on it gets you both, you’ll never be as quiet again.
Giving auditory feedback about your pleasure increases your and your lover’s turn-on. Make it so that your lover knows precisely how good what they are doing is feeling every second. This biofeedback is vital for continually improving your pleasure.
Oral and Intercourse Techniques
I have an eight-segment video series of heart-connected sex techniques that are made for couples and singles to learn new pleasuring skills. It’s called The Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection. There are over 200 unique moves in that series alone.
In addition, I’ve personally written numerous oral and intercourse techniques over the last two decades, from the Feline Grind to the Glissando to Squatting Tiger Bouncing Lion to the Heart-Tonge Penis technique.
You literally cannot think up all the fantastic ways to pleasure your lover — so following sexperts who teach techniques and then try them with your partner is a lifelong pleasure pursuit.
Whatever tickles your fancy. Whatever turns you on. Just get that on your Sex Life Bucket List and start playing!
— Susan Bratton, “Intimacy Expert To Millions,” is the spokesperson for
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