“Being deliberate about improving our relationships can help most of us, especially because left to our own devices, most relationships become less fulfilling over time.” — Eli J. Finkel, author of “The All-or-Nothing Marriage.”
Are you present with your partner? Or are you just “kinda” together?
Every Sunday, my friends Mike and Rose get together for their “Lover’s Summit.”
This is their second marriage. They have blended families with teenage kids, busy careers, dogs, cats, a mortgage… They are engaged and determined to do a great job parenting and being lovers of each other.
Each week they sit down and go through their checklist:
- They check in with each other on their coming week’s schedule.
- They discuss where they want to take their next trip.
- They plan their weekly date night and lunch together.
- They check in on their finances.
- They resolve issues they were too busy to discuss during the hectic week.
- And they get feedback on the one thing they are working to improve in their relationship from each other.
Mike is working on not looking at his phone while he’s with Rose. She wants more of his presence and attention.
Rose is working on improving their relationship by giving Mike more physical affection.
It’s funny that giving her more attention and affection are priorities in their relationship.
My advice to women is to shower affection as much as possible when recognizing their partner for doing something good.
And my recommendation for men is to encourage their women to accomplish something she’s focused on as necessary (a signal of attention).
Affection for men and attention for women are pretty core desires, so much so that Rose and Mike naturally found that this was where they needed to put their effort to increase their marital happiness over time.
That’s why Presence is such an essential factor for the success of your relationship. It is one of the core principles of what I teach to singles and couples.
No technique or skill in the world is as vital to strengthening, prolonging, nourishing, and even reviving relationships as presence.
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