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Touching for Feedback (Passion Playdates #8)

I’m excited to give you this touch game for lovers technique today! Please try it and let me know how it went.


Passion Playdates are when you and your partner set aside a specific time for passion play. You plan for (and look forward to) sensual “private” activities where you come together as beginners to learn new things together. 

Think of Passion Play Dates as fun “couples sexercises” that grow and enrich your intimacy — physical and emotional.

This is hot monogamy at its best, and it’s also great for singles who date!

touch game for lovers


The human touch is one of the most healing, life-affirming, and emotionally-grounding forces.

When you touch your partner the way they like, you send millions of signals that promote love, warmth, closeness, sexiness, and heart connection. 

Today’s Passion Playdate is all about “Touching With Feedback.” 

As with all playdates, let your goal be the pleasure and not the performance

Did you hear me? 

Let me repeat that. Pleasure, not performance. This means you need to be PRESENT, not up in your head strategizing (typical masculine) or thinking about other things (typically feminine).

Whether you are assuming the masculine or feminine role in this playdate, pay close attention to the verbal and physical feedback your partner provides.

As we go along, I will use “giver” and “receiver.” 

When I say “giver,” I mean the person giving the pleasure of touch. And the “receiver” is the one experiencing the contact. 

Here’s how you and your partner co-create this Passion Playdate. 


First, the giver practices stroking their partner’s skin. Move around as you do this to different parts of their body. Start with simple up-and-down strokes. Then try side-to-side, then circular strokes.

Take your time.

After a few seconds, ask the receiver if they prefer your touch to be harder (more pressure or softer (less pressure.) Then ask if they would like it to be faster or slower. 

Use the technique I taught you called, Two-Option Leading. Remember that one? Give two specific choices. Don’t say, “How does this feel?”

Listen and take action on the feedback that you get from your partner. 

If he asked for a lighter touch, and you adjust, ask if that feels better. “Good or lighter still?”

Notice how you respond when they answer yes or no. Do you tense up? If so, what would it be like for you to experience their feedback as precise instructions for how you could be a better partner for them? 

Remember what Susan always says, there is no failure, only feedback to make you a better lover. You can’t know what feels good to your partner at any moment. This playdate teaches you to get better at touch and trains you to love more feedback.


Your role is to practice receiving touch. Decide where you’d like to start. Arm? Face? Chest? A neutral area of your body is the best starting spot.

Begin with simple strokes and patterns. Feel it. See if you can enjoy the feeling. Then think about what your partner could do in the next stroke to make it feel even better. 

Next, ask your giver to stroke you harder or softer… then either faster or slower. 

Notice how it feels for you to ask for the kind of touch you want. Do you tense up when you ask? Does your partner tense up when you request? 

Practicing Touching With Feedback will become easier over time to the point where you LOVE getting these micro-adjustments. That’s when your sensuality together soars to new heights!


Notice how it feels when you receive your partner’s requests. Do you take it as a sign you are doing something wrong? How does your body react? 

Or do you remain flowing and receptive to their feedback, open to more?

Learn to be more receptive to whatever feedback your partner gives, and take it as a sign that you are working together to improve your sensual experience. 


You can switch roles. Decide who will be the receiver and who will play the giver’s part. This way, both will experience giving and receiving pleasure and feedback. 

When you’ve finished with light touches and strokes, you can move on to other forms of physical connection like hugs, spooning, kissing, tickling, and later move into sensual and sexual stroking if you’d like. 

Discuss with your partner what feelings were evoked from doing this playdate. 

What positive experiences can you share?

These simple but powerful couple exercises will turn you into better lovers as it trains you to be better at giving and receiving pleasure and feedback.

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