A small percentage of humans are wired to want more warmth, intimacy, and closeness when stressed. But for most of us, stress is the #1 relationship killer.
If you worry, feel anxiety, fear, terror, irritation, annoyance, frustration, anger, rage, emotional numbness, shutdown, depression, or despair, according to Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are, then you are stressed.
Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. YEAH!
Here are the best de-stressing mechanisms for most, including one super awesome SHORTCUT you’ll love.
Listen to what Dr. Nagoski says is wrong with the way we are stressed today and why it’s so hard on our bodies and, thus, our relationship’s potential:
(I’ve paraphrased and condensed Emily’s work here.)
1. Our stress is chronic. We don’t take deliberate steps to complete our stress cycles. There’s no clear beginning, middle, and end to our anxieties. So, the stress hangs out inside us, making us sick and tired and unable to experience being present in our relationships.
2. We have an emotion-dismissing culture. “Suck it up.” “Get over yourself.” “Stiff upper lip.” And all that rot!
3. Our ultra-social human brains are good at self-inhibition, stopping the stress mid-cycle because NOW is not an appropriate time to process your feelings. So they get stuffed and stuck, and we are locked into our fear, rage, and despair.
That’s why we MUST build time, space, and strategies for discharging our stress response cycles, says Emily.
HOW? Read on.
DE-STRESS FOR MORE SEXUAL PLEASURE
Remember, the #1 thing you can do to have more intimacy in your life is to lower your chronic stress. You can print this email and integrate some or all of the following into your everyday life.
And notice that watching TV is not on this list, so don’t give me any guff about not having any time for these:
1. Get moving. Run, dance, walk, rebound, whatever you want!
“Physical activity is the single most efficient strategy for completing the stress response cycle and recalibrating your nervous system into a calm state. When people say, “Exercise is for stress,” that is for real,” says Emily.
2. Affection. Get the emotional bonding you need to calm yourself down. Seek and receive soothing touches, especially in the form of my world-famous Soulmate Embrace.
3. Any form of meditation.
4. Yoga. Tai Chi. QiGong ⇐ My favorite for men’s energy cultivation.
5. Sleep.
6. Body scans.
7. A good old cry.
8. Primal screaming.
9. Journaling positive ideas.
10. Art.
11. Grooming and other self-care like massage, hot tubs, and infrared saunas.
12. Getting out in any kind of nature.
So, what do you choose? What modalities will you use to move through your stress and arrive in a happy, sound body ready and willing to enjoy your God-given pleasure?
Email me and tell me what changes you’re making, post a comment on our site, and share it with us.
