I recently spoke at the Biohacking Summit in Amsterdam. I went through the six essentials to connected sex, the 20 kinds of male and female orgasm, and how to do orgasmic cross training. In addition I explained the difference between male and female arousal patterns. The audience LOVED it all and I had standing room only. That made me feel so good.
At the end, the emcee kicked off the Q&A portion of my talk by asking if my work included Tantric Sex. I explained that all my work embodies the tents of Tantric Sex. I just don’t use those words. I make it simple and approachable.
So what IS Tantric Sex? Here is my perspective and explanation of Tantric sex.
It’s a confusing area of sexuality because the word means many things to many people. But it’s also a great style of sex, so I wanted you to know more about it.
The kind of sex techniques I teach are in the area of Tantric sex. I just don’t bring in the spiritual aspects of Tantra as much as I focus on the “conscious” aspects of being present and communicative during sex.
My favorite tenet of Tantric sex is heart connection.
Tantric sex is a genre of sexuality that incorporates more reverential, slow, connected sexual experiences. Often called Neo-Tantra or Red Tantra, to delineate it from the Yogic Tantra practices, the hallmarks are a conscious approach to communication, more breath and eye contact, and active heart connection between lovers.
Tantric sex often incorporates ritual into the experience. There is a focus on “divine spirituality” in tantric lovemaking. Because orgasm is blissful, it can be a meditation practice that allows lovers to touch the source, Gaia, or god in their union.
Many people consider tantric orgasms to be extended full-body orgasms rather than friction orgasms generated from direct stimulation of the clitoris or penis. A slow, heart-connected approach to honor your beloved, build arousal, and turn on over a certain amount of time while incorporating eye gazing, breath work, and sensual touch creates these heightened experiences associated with Tantric lovemaking.
What are the origins of tantric sex?
Spiritual sexuality originated in India and Tibet in the third and fourth centuries and continued to evolve with the Kashmir Shaivists in the ninth and tenth centuries.
Today’s modern Tantric sex was propelled by Osho or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, a cult sex guru who came to fame in the 1980s. The Netflix documentary Wild, Wild Country is a fascinating exploration of the devotees of Osho. Modern-day Tantra teachers have incorporated many of the concepts of Osho into their version of Western sexual enlightenment.
Neo-Tantra continues to evolve through workshops and teachings often focused on Yoni and Lingam worship. The Yoni is the Sanskrit word for a woman’s genitals, whereas Lingam is the male equivalent. There are many books on Amazon about Tantric Sex. The best authors are Barbara Carrellas and Diana Richardson if you want to probe more deeply into this nourishing area of sexual pleasure.
What are the three benefits of tantric sex?
The core tenet of Tantric sex is to connect hearts in divine sexual union. Moving from performative, friction-oriented sex to feeling deep love and heart-opening appreciation for your beloved is the most significant benefit of this practice.
Because Tantra is a practice, you get better at opening your heart as you do it repeatedly. Tantra can transform having sex into a spiritual, reverent experience of ecstatic bliss.
The notion of Tantric sex being conscious simply means there is no hiding behind shame. Both partners enter a loving experience to speak their desires and needs in the loving security of trust.
Creating a safe container for sex is a core tenet of Tantric sex. When partners consider their lover as vital as themselves, they honor the partner in a way not always depicted in modern-day sexuality. This honor is an essential part of Tantric lovemaking.
Multi-Sensory Orgasmic Experience
Tantric sex integrates the senses. From eye connection to opening one’s heart — from Tantric breathwork designed to increase arousal — the senses are vital to Tantric lovemaking.
When people are asked to define Tantric orgasm, often they associate it with not coming. This is inaccurate. Tantric orgasm has gotten conflated with semen retention, an ancient Taoist practice. Tantric orgasms teach you to feel orgasmic pleasure throughout your body rather than sensation isolated in your genitals. Expanding orgasm to a full-body experience by leveraging slow sex, heart connection, eye contact, and rituals such as creating a sensual environment with candles or low lighting and sensual music are the core tenets of Tantric sex.
Tantric sex moves the act of intercourse from the main event to part of the overall experience. More attention is put on genital worship, manual massage, and awakening the G-Spot for women and P-Spot for men.
The G-Spot is a secondary erectile system in a woman’s vulva called the urethral sponge. This area can hold emotion, which is released through G-Spot activation or palpation. Female ejaculation is often achieved through manual stimulation of the clitoris and urethral systems. All women can ejaculate, and all orgasms are simply learned skills for both sexes and across all gender expressions. Tantric sex widens the pleasure palette by incorporating these additional types of orgasms.
The Lingam massage is for men to enjoy hands-on penis pleasure. Too often, men don’t get genital pleasure due to them. Slowing down and honoring a man’s penis and testicles and exploring his prostate for P-Spot orgasms is another aspect of the reverential nature of Tantric sex.
Here is the quintessential Tantric sex position, YabYum or Lotus Sex Position. I featured this in my free illustrated guide,
7 Stimulating Sex Positions ⇐ Download it here
LOTUS SEX POSITION
He sits upright with his legs crossed or, if he’s flexible, with his feet together and knees butterflied open. He can support his back or knees with pillows, whatever makes him comfortable. She climbs into his lap and wraps her legs around him so her feet are together at the base of his spine. She’s sitting on his lap, facing him, her legs over his.
Adjust your position according to your body dynamics. This is the open-legged Yab Yum position. Find your comfort zone so you can just relax and be together. If you can’t get comfortable in an upright position, modify the position by lying down and facing each other.
Now, synchronize your breath and feel what happens to your energy. Typically, a man’s lungs are bigger than a woman’s. So, ladies, you’ll want to breathe more deeply. And men, you’ll want to breathe more shallow breaths than usual so the two of you can match your breath.
You can either breathe in at the same time and then out at the same time or cycle your breath, so one inhales as the other exhales and vice-versa. You’re face to face, very close, as you breathe this way. You can even get so close that you’re almost touching or touching lips as you breathe together.
When you get the rhythm going, you’ll feel sexual energy start to fill your body. As you continue to breathe, imagine breathing down to your genital area. This will build up sexual energy.
The Yab Yum is so pleasurable because multiple forms of stimulation are available face to face. He can stimulate her breasts while she can stimulate his nipples. Either of you can initiate a deep French kiss.
She controls the thrusts in this position because she sits on his penis. That gives her a good simulation for her clitoris, G-area, and perineal sponge. This can also be an anal sex position. For some women, anal penetration feels better than vaginal intercourse.
Another aspect of Yab Yum that makes it unique is the ease of making eye contact with your lover. In this sense, it’s a very connected position, perfect for slow, Tantric lovemaking.
When two people decide to play with their sexual energy consciously, it’s best to begin by simply looking into each other’s eyes with a very soft gaze. It can be a little edgy for some people, looking into a lover’s eyes. It’s such a powerful act of intimacy. You’re naked and vulnerable in an utterly unguarded, no-place-to-hide way.
It’s a perfect opportunity to practice letting go of your thoughts as much as possible. Let go of any assumptions you’ve made about the person before you. Become curious about who your love truly is. Look past the personality and beyond all the stories you tell about them, or they know about themselves. Look into their eyes and just allow their essence to reveal itself.
Then, bring your attention back to yourself. Notice how you feel physically. Notice how your emotions are running. Notice if you have any mental chatter going on. Tune in to how these various aspects of your experience affect you. If the eyes are the window to the soul, what do you see when you look at your lover?
It’s been said that the heart is the doorway to the infinite. I want you to start feeling into your soul as you gaze into your lover’s eyes. What’s in your heart when you look at your beloved?
Here is my video describing how to do this Kama Sutra Sex Position:
Check Out My Video ⇐ Lotus Sex Position
You can take this practice to the next level by shifting focus and going back and forth from focusing on yourself to concentrating on your partner as you breathe in and out together. Connecting your breath and breathing together is a beautiful way to deepen your connection. When you’re ready, you can add the element of touch. Reach out and take your lover’s hands. Or place your hand on their heart and bring their hand to rest on yours.
You can enhance your Yab Yum session by purposely engaging all five senses. Use aromatic oils. Play soft, sensual music. Feed each other a piece of fruit or chocolate. Bring flowers into the room. Use body oils to bring your sense of touch alive and activate your skin’s sensual grid. I recommend the
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Another way to play with sexual energy is to use intention to spread it through your body. Energy follows intention, so be very attentive when you’re making love. When you’re inside a woman, men send your sexual energy down through your manhood and into her body. With intentional focus, she’ll feel your masculine energy as you enter her sacred place. Focus more on feeling her than pushing in and out of her or having her grind on your penis. It’s all about sending sexual energy into her yoni.
Women, allow yourself to open up and feel your partner’s masculine energy. See if you can let his yang flow inside your body like a river. Then, let it flow back into his body.
Most importantly, have fun with this. Sexual energy is exciting to play with and can take you to even higher levels of pleasure.
7 Stimulating Sex Positions ⇐ Illustrated Guide for Couples (GIFT)
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