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Comfort Zone Graphic

I love the saying, “Life is hard by the yard… a cinch by the inch.”

For all of you metrics fans, how about:

“Life can defeat us by the meter… so it is sweeter by the centimeter.”

OK, I tried! Haha. 

The gem of the day is this Comfort Zone graphic I found on Instagram. If you’re not following me there, please do so. It’s where I post more personal information, sassier pics, and funny memes.

Follow Me On Instagram ⇐ Susan Bratton + Sexy Pics + Sex Memes = FUN

The comfort zone of your sexuality is dangerous because it gets boring. And especially for the female of our species, she needs a lot of variety and novelty, particularly in a monogamous relationship.

This is one of the reasons that men are always seeking new pleasurable skills. They know they have to keep it fresh between the sheets. The feminine’s massive pleasure potential is like an arms race. When she achieves the first level of climactic skill, she’s ready for the next. 

She gets better and better in bed when she has a partner who can leap her over the fear zone directly to the learning zone.


I often call the masculine-feminine dynamic “polarity”  — the magnetism of opposites. The masculine leads, initiates, encourages and makes it safe.

When he introduces ideas in the bedroom and shows her what she’s capable of, magic happens. She blossoms and expands her sexual pleasure potential. And she loves him for doing this for her. 

Can the roles be flipped? Yes. We all have the entire masculine-feminine spectrum within us. Can the woman suggest an erotic playdate and lead her man through it? Yes. Can same-sex partners take turns holding the masculine or feminine frame? Yes. Can gender-fluid partners transform moment-by-moment? Yes, all this switching comes from practice.

Roleplay in the bedroom is a great way to flip gender roles or strengthen polarity.

When you try something new, a new toy, a new location, a fantasy enactment, a new technique together, you can leap the fear zone and go straight into learning and growth. They happen concurrently; you’re growing as you’re learning.

Bringing novelty into your intimate life is what keeps you zesty.

There’s a formula for “DESIRE” I learned many years ago from one of my mentors.


Essentially, if you want to keep your desire high, try something new in a safe environment.

If you just do new things all the time without feeling safe, it’s too edgy.

If you always do the same old things, safety gets boring.

Boredom is the death knell of your passion and desire.


Now let me ask you, what are you “working on” in your intimate life? What are you learning now? Are you learning something to improve your wellness? A new pleasuring technique? Are you scheduling erotic playdates? Are you asking your partners, even brand new partners, what they’d like to learn or try when you’re together?

Today I want you to think about three things you’d like to experience in the bedroom.


  1. _____________________________________________________________

2.  _____________________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________________

Email me back or comment below and tell me what the three things are. 

If you’re not moving forward, you’re stagnating. Sure, there are times when you want to rest and relax right where you are. But if you’re honest with yourself, there is something that you want to move toward, isn’t there?

Right now, I’ve been doing a 15-week intimate pleasure challenge. If you can’t think of any things you’d like to do, maybe this will spur some ideas…

What are you interested in learning? Share it with me.

Reply to this email and let me know the three things you’d like to experience in the bedroom right after you scroll down and read this week’s fantastic advice.

There might well be some new technique below that pops right onto your “3 Things” list.

I look forward to hearing from you and reading every email and comment.

Love you so much for being part of my world and for standing for your sexual maturation. Your intimate life keeps getting better as you age. It’s one of the best things about maturing!

One Comment

  1. How do I get Started after a long lay of sex.

    When is the good / right time?

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