“She just wants me to go straight for penetration without any type of foreplay before sex, and I always say ‘Baby, let’s get some juices flowing first.’ She wants me to pound her from the start.”
SHE WANTS ME TO POUND HER
Hello Susan,
I love foreplay before sex and giving oral to my girlfriend. She had always had a hard time with her body and looks even way before we met. She is 61, and I’m 53. I always have let her know that I’m in love with her for who she is on the inside, and no matter what her body is like, I’m still going to love her the same.
She has told me that she has always had issues with her weight, from childhood till now, and always thinks that she is too heavy for me even if we are just laying on the bed holding each other with her on top off to one side and her head on my chest. We both like the feeling of being wrapped up in each other. She might have me by 10lbs. Also, she has never had a full body massage until I gave her one last year. She is not a large woman at all; she just has a few extra pounds. What can I do to get her to let go and let us flow at the moment and not be so self-conscious about her body?
I love it when we are skin-to-skin, and so does she, but I don’t like that I can’t even see her face because it has to be so dark. When I go to kiss her, I like to see what I’m kissing. It’s weird when I kiss her eyeball instead of her soft lips. One more thing is that she just wants me to go straight for penetration without any type of foreplay before sex, and I always say ‘baby, let’s warm you up first and get some juices flowing.’ She just wants me to pound her from the start. I need some help here, please.
Thank you for what you are doing to help people like myself. It’s hard for me to be confident when she can’t be. I hope that you understand what I’m saying.
Thank you, Susan.
— Troy
MY ADVICE
Hi Troy,
Tell her every day that you love how she looks and feels, and you don’t want to be with any other woman. That she is the one for you… Give her concrete examples of what you find attractive about her.
You love the sweetness of her face, the way her hair smells, the color of her vulva, the feel of her breasts in your hands, the curve of her hips… Just keep telling her every day. And in about 20,000 days, she might begin to believe you. And you both will be richer because of all that verbal appreciation.
My book, Dirty Talk, gives you concrete examples of ways to do this.
FOREPLAY BEFORE SEX
Women being more estrogen-dominant are generally more worried about things and more judgmental of their looks. The media exacerbate this. We are very profoundly programmed to feel negative about our bodies. You can break her of this by telling her when a negative thought enters her mind. Remember how much you adore her and change the channel to KLUV.
Try suggesting candlelight and lingerie that “hides” the parts of her she’s shy about.
Keep asking her to let go of judgment and flow at the moment with you. It’s a learned skill. Practice makes perfect.
Get a hand mirror and ask her to look at how beautiful her lady parts are. To bathe in the miracle of her body… The more she looks, the more she will discover how her vulva changes from day-to-day. She will build an appreciation for herself.
And finally and most importantly, I’m glad you are not just pounding her from the start. She will benefit from manual genital massage and oral pleasuring before penetration. So you have to stand up to her and refuse to take the short cut.
Tell her it’s high time she learned to receive pleasure. And you will insist that she relax and let you touch and taste her genitals and learn how amazing it is to be made love to. Sometimes with the most resistant women, it takes a strong, masculine hand to get them to open up.
If she gets furious, sit her down and tell her it’s unfair that she lets her sexual shame ruin both your sex lives. That there is a mature and responsible aspect of being in a relationship that includes allowing herself to be loved and respected.
See how all that goes and report back.
Watch my Dirty Talk video series that goes along with the Dirty Talk Book.
