Here are three sweet ways to connect more deeply.
It may help you to know that human bonding involves a specific part of the brain —the limbic system. It is distinct from the forebrain, or neocortex, which is responsible for complex thinking and executive decision-making. The limbic brain is also distinct from the base brain, which regulates all the automatic systems in your body from below conscious thought, for example, your breathing, heartbeat, temperature regulation, etc.
The base brain is the oldest part of the brain, evolutionarily speaking, and is sometimes called the reptile brain because it is responsible for lightning-fast reflexes that ensure your survival. This part of the brain requires no input from higher brain functions to protect you. For example, imagine someone throws a fastball straight at your head. You don’t have to think it through; your base brain simply kicks in and you duck. There’s no need to consult the neocortex, nor ask the limbic brain to weigh in on the decision.
Similar to the base brain, your limbic system is not subject to the neocortex; it functions independent of rational thinking. Your limbic brain is the seat of emotion and plays a key role in forming and maintaining relationship bonds. Thus its importance to maintaining a strong connection with your sexual soulmate.
The practices that follow will increase your limbic connection with your lover by harnessing the power of your natural physiological processes. Follow these practices and your relationship becomes a vital resource you can draw from to support your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
Look Into Each Other’s Eyes
As it turns out, the window to your soul is also a direct line to your limbic brain. I’m not suggesting you sit on meditation pillows and practice eye-gazing, although if you do, it’s a direct way to jack into each other’s limbic brain. That’s a bit much for most people, especially if one of you is eye-shy. I suggest you begin by looking at each other across the dinner table. Get present and truly LOOK at your partner. See them. Be seen.
Next, start playing with eye contact during lovemaking. Look into each other’s eyes as you’re kissing or pleasuring each other. Another perfect time to lock eyes is at the peak moment. The wondrous, soulful connection that occurs when you appreciate your partner in pleasure is indescribable.
Synchronize Your Hearts
Knowing how to slow down and synchronize your heart rates not only expands the limbic bond between you, it also goes a long way toward reducing stress levels on an everyday basis. Just spend time with your hands on each other’s hearts and see how that calms and connects you. Some men love to cup one hand on his lady’s mons and the other on her heart.
In the same way, you can synchronize your heart rates, you can also coordinate your breathing. A tantric practice known as circular breathing is especially helpful for strengthening the bond between sexual soulmates. That’s where the masculine breathes in the feminine, and she follows his lead.
Generally, a man’s lungs are larger, so he has to breathe more shallowly as she breathes more deeply in sync with his rhythm. He breathes in her outbreath. Then she breathes his breath in as he exhales. You’re face-to-face and connecting in breath. She can sit in his lap facing him or sit cross-legged in front of him.
Starting off an intimate date with breathing and looking in each others’ eyes grounds you and bonds you. In addition to the stress-reduction effects, breathing together has a powerful effect on your arousal. The more deeply you breathe all the way into your genitals, the more fire you’ll feel.
Modulate Your Nervous Systems
Breathing together, holding, touching, clearing the air, admiring and appreciating one another—all of these can serve to calm as well as fire up your nervous system. It all depends on what each of you needs in the moment. A woman will feel more and deeper desire when a man takes the time to calm her nervous system before initiating sexual touch. That is true for men as well, especially if they come home stressed. Some people need to be aroused straight away. Others need to be calmed before we can be aroused. And sometimes we switch, which is why reporting in from your animal and letting your lover know what you need in each moment is key.
There are so many things you can learn to make your intimacy deeper and more satisfying!