Why masturbation makes you a better lover…
Hope you’re doing great this week. It’s Spring here in California and the flowers are buzzing with bees!
I’m so excited! I have a brand new “fireside chat” video about the benefits of self-pleasuring for you.
First, know this. It’s completely natural for men and women to masturbate. It’s also very good for you and actually makes your sex life better.
We’re genetically wired to masturbate, which is why almost everyone does it.
What I talk about in this video is how to masturbate in a way that can make you a better lover.
HANDS BEST FRIEND
Your hands are your best friend for masturbation.
Your next-best friend is some kind of lubricant. A good lube enhances the sensation, and makes pleasuring yourself feel even better.
I recommend coconut oil or any nut oil, such as almond or even grapeseed oil.
You don’t have to go buy something special, you can actually use whatever oil you put in salad dressing. I particularly like organic oils.
There are all sorts of commercial sex lubricants made of everything from petroleum products to silicone, and while most of them are water-based, they can also contain ingredients that can upset the delicate balance in a woman’s vagina. Don’t use lube with chemicals in it. Just use a natural oil.
I recommend using something that’s all natural, preferably something you would actually eat, on your penis or in your vagina.
Organic avocado oil is particularly nice for a woman’s genitals.
I’ve been recommending this organic avocado oil as a lube for sex as well as for masturbation for many years. My fans LOVE this oil.
BEYOND PENIS AND VAGINA
By the way, when I say penis and vagina, what I mean is your entire genital area.
You want to use both hands and lubricate the whole area.
Guys can stroke their entire penis and you can play with your balls too. You can even play with your anus. By inserting one of your fingers or a butt plug in your anus, you can stimulate your prostate when you masturbate.
All of these areas are not only fair game, they feel really great. Don’t ignore your backdoor! It’s the seat of your most explosive orgasms.
BEYOND THE CLITORIS
Women also want to explore sensation in the entire genital area, not just the vagina, which is actually just the canal.
Besides touching and caressing your clitoris also stimulate your mons venus — above your clitoris — your clitoral hood, the outer and inner lips of your vagina, and all around the opening to your vagina.
You will find many sensitive spots and soft folds inside the vagina. And do explore your perineum, your anus, and up inside your anus.
Squeeze or caress your breasts and nipples too. Give yourself permission to touch yourself anywhere on your body that feels good, gets you aroused and, if you want, gives you an orgasm.
Toys are another good friend to those who masturbate.
Most women I know have a vibrator or a “magic wand” that allows them to select various speeds for more or less intense stimulation.
Some vibrators have an attachment or different head that provides clitoral stimulation.
It’s important to know that the little nub of the clitoris just under the hood is only the tip of the iceberg.
Women have an entire clitoral structure made up of erectile tissue that is very similar to the tissue that makes a man’s penis get hard.
When when you’re masturbating work all around the vulva, wherever it feels good. Stroking, kneading, working on your clitoris directly, moving away, then circling back, teasing this most sensitive part of female anatomy. Get your fingers inside and stroke the bulbs and legs of your clit.
The more that you play with the area around your vulva, the more the entire clitoral structure will get engorged.
Engorged means swollen. You know how a guy gets an erection… he starts out flaccid–his penis is soft and fairly small. Then, as he gets turned on, his penis fills with blood, and then he gets hard. His penis sticks up, erect.
A woman’s vulva goes through a very similar process. The more she is stimulated, the more she gets engorged, and the better the sensation feels.
With hands, fingers, a vibrator, dildo or other toys, stimulate the whole clitoral area, up inside the vaginal canal, and around the lips on the outside.
Let’s not forget about toys for the guys.
A favorite of many men is what’s called a masturbatory sleeve.
This solo-sex toy essentially mimics the sensation of going in and out of a vagina and is a pleasurable alternative to stroking the big guy with your hands.
Some men like to use a butt plug to stimulate the sensitive area of the anus, which can have health benefits if he learns how to use the toy to give himself a prostate massage.
REVERSE ATROPHY WITH MASTURBATION
Since we’re on the topic of benefits, what’s really great about frequent masturbation is that it keeps genital atrophy at bay.
That’s right–your genitals can atrophy in much the same way as your muscles.
If you’ve ever been sick for awhile and unable to workout, or had an injury that resulted in less activity and exercise, you know what it’s like to lose muscle tissue.
Your muscles actually shrink and lose strength. That’s what’s called atrophy.
Your genitals can atrophy too. For women, this often means thinning of the vaginal wall and loss of elasticity. As they say, “use it or lose it.”
Masturbation keeps your genitals in shape, healthy and happy.
It’s helpful to have a self-pleasuring practice during times when you aren’t having sex with a partner to lessen the likelihood of atrophy.
Not only that, but when you do start having sex again, you will have better orgasms.
Fantasy is another wonderful element to include when you masturbate.
Fantasizing helps your mind get out of the future and the past, and into the present moment, where the world falls away and you’re imagining something very sexy that makes you feel excited to have an orgasm, to have a climax.
If you develop a repertoire of fantasies it increases your orgasmic ability.
Now let’s talk multiple orgasms.
Both men and women are multi-orgasmic.
Let’s start with women…
A lot of women have used masturbation as a way to train themselves to be multi-orgasmic.
She can take herself to climax again and again during solo sex so it becomes easier during partnered sex to have multiple orgasms.
Plus if you keep doing Kegels by squeezing your pubococcygeus muscles so they get stronger you will aid your body in having stronger contractions, which make the orgasms feel more intense.
A woman can learn to have multiple orgasms, or to ride the wave of her contractions in an extended orgasms, or even teach herself to have liquid or ejaculatory orgasms.
Men can also have multiple orgasms. The notion that a man can only come once and then he’s through doesn’t need to be true.
Men are equally capable of having more than one orgasm, however, most men need to learn how to separate ejaculation from orgasm.
What’s important to know is that a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating. A lot of people equate the two, but that’s because they haven’t experienced full-body, non-ejaculatory orgasms.
Guys, you can have “energy orgasms,” or “dry orgasms” as many times as you’d like and then you can also have one final explosive ejaculatory orgasm at the end.
There is no need to practice semen retention. That is a common myth associated with male-multiple orgasm.
Using a combination of a Kegel, a breath pattern and a pelvic rocking, or thrust technique will train your body to be multi-orgasmic. This is called, The ME Breath Technique. (Link to come together highlights)
If you want to learn all about how to become a multi-orgasmic man, there will be a link to more information with this video to my program with Jim Benson called, Multi-Orgasmic Lover for Men.
Use The ME Breath while you masturbate and you can bounce the energy up into your body instead giving yourself a quick orgasm.
Both men and women can masturbate using a technique called edging to create a more and more powerful climax.
You just bring yourself right up to the moment of climax, then pull back a bit before you go over the edge by reducing the amount of sensation you’re giving yourself.
When you feel like you’ve got control again and have postponed the orgasm, you start taking yourself back up.
I suggest using a scale of one to 10 when edging.
You take yourself up to just before your point of no return, and then slow yourself down, then take yourself back up again.
This gives you the opportunity to learn climax control so you can manage your orgasm.
I call this “Ejaculatory Choice.”
When you’re with a partner and you can last as long as she wants you to, that translates to you being able to last longer if sex is feeling really good.
THE DOWNSIDE TO MASTURBATION
I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about the downside to masturbation.
For men, masturbating can make you a premature ejaculator.
It can become a hurried practice if you don’t gain the skill to make sure you don’t come too fast, which will make it difficult for you to last when you’re having intercourse with a partner.
Some guys can barely get their penis inside a woman before they climax.
This could be due to anxiety, mental or emotional blocks, or it could be just they’ve been jacking off so quickly for so long that they no longer have a choice as to when they come.
Men lose “ejaculatory choice” when they get used to coming super super fast and thus trained their bodies to ejaculate prematurely.
Again, check out the ME Breath information for everlasting stamina. (Link to Stallion’s Secret.)
The only other things that I want to address about masturbation has to do with men who have become addicted to porn.
They’ve been masturbating to porn so much and for so long, that they have difficulty having an orgasm when they’re with a real live woman.
They can only have an orgasm when they’re watching porn or thinking about some scene they saw in a porn flick, instead of thinking about a real woman.
The problem is so pervasive that a lot of websites have popped up to support men who realize they have a problem and want to go on a “no-porn diet” so they can reconnect with their heart and begin to re-acclimate to real-time sex with a lover, or alone through an intentional self-pleasuring practice.
It takes time and dedication to get off of the dopamine addiction that comes from porn abuse, but men can retrain themselves so they can once again have mutually satisfying orgasms with a lover.
SEXIEST MASTURBATION SECRET
Before I wrap this up, I want you to know one of the sexiest secrets of happy couples.
They often enjoy masturbating together… or, for each other.
It is very common and super fun for couples to play with themselves while lying side by side in mutual masturbation.
It’s also very common for one partner to masturbate while the other watches.
It can be a bit embarrassing at first, but trust me, you’ll get over that pretty quickly.
In no time at all, you’ll be very comfortable with the idea and enjoy delighting in watching or being watched by your partner — or helping your partner out.
There is something super special about seeing a partner give themselves pleasure. And it’s a really sweet way to create a win-win when one of you is too tired, but the other really needs to have an orgasm before going to sleep.
The other thing that can be nice is if you masturbate your lover while as part of a sensual massage.
Get out some nice oil like organic avocado oil, or organic coconut oil.
Lie your partner down and do some long strokes down their back, working the neck and shoulders, then sitting between their legs and taking the time to give a good, slow hand job or Yoni massage.
This is where you really want to learn techniques, as many as you can because the more you know, the better lover you are.
There are countless amazing, wonderful techniques for pleasuring your partner manually. I have over 200 techniques, including at least 50 sensual massage techniques, including crazy-good handjob techniques, in my Steamy Sex Ed Video collection. ⇐ Get on the VIP Notification list here for when we have a 60% off sale.
Steamy Sex Ed is a heart-centered, soulful lovemaking video collection that shows you over 200 techniques to become a great lover.
You can turn on the video and follow along, practicing techniques on your partner.
If you’re single, you can watch and be prepared so when you find a lover, you have the most incredible sex ever.
I’ve always said that the more you know about sex, the better sex you have. Because knowledge is power in the bedroom.
I hope that this video on masturbation has helped you open to new horizons of pleasure whether you’re alone or with your lover.
MASTURBATION VIDEO ⇐ Watch Here
I’m sure there will be some questions that I have not answered, so I encourage you to write in the comments below if you have any questions for me. I check back frequently and I will definitely answer them.
I want you to have a great sex life and feel great about pleasuring yourself, knowing that it will ultimately make you a better lover.
If you have any questions about anything in this video or any questions at all about masturbation, post a comment below. I check back frequently and will answer your question.
There’s no question too “dumb!” This is what I am here for, to support you in your sexual growth and maturation.
Thank you for watching the Masturbation Video. If you want to give this a thumbs up, I’d appreciate it! Thank you for helping me help others.