“What I didn’t realize was how repressed we both were sexually.”
This is about how a man can ravish a woman… and Ladies, I’m copying you on this because if this kind of “take charge” strategy appeals to you, you can either do it yourself to your lover or explain to him how you want him to do this to you. Most women ask me how to get their guy to take charge in the bedroom and what holds them back is a combination of not knowing what to do and not wanting to upset you. That’s a lot like what Don (in the story below) went through. So you have to help make it ok for your lover to take control. And you have to allow him to try. It’s a delicate balance, but it gets more fun with practice. So read the story then watch the video where I lay out a step-by-step game plan for ravishing a woman and take from it what works for you.
Now on to the letter I recently received from one of my fans, Don.
He writes: When I first heard you talking about polarity and masculine sexual leadership and how women love “a man with a plan” who takes charge in the bedroom, I thought, “Yeah, right.”
But last week my wife and I were making love the way we usually do, in missionary position, and I just sort of spontaneously got up on my knees, flipped her over and pulled her hips toward me so she was on all fours. I love doing it doggie-style, but for some reason we don’t do it very often and I never push it because I’m afraid she might protest.
Somewhere along the line I must’ve decided to let her be in charge. Like that was the chivalrous thing to do. Funny thing is, when I flipped her over that day, she did start to protest, but she stopped the moment I slapped her butt. I grabbed her hip bones and pulled her toward me. Then I really surprised myself when I said, “On your knees.” I have no idea where the authority in my voice came from, but she seemed to totally dig it. Not only did she stop protesting, she actually presented me with that gorgeous ass of hers.
If I’d done that even a year ago, there would’ve been hell to pay for weeks. But the very next day, I was behind her by about five steps as we walked toward the car. She held the keys over her shoulder and said, “Honey, will you drive?” I had to speed up to grab the keys, at which time she stopped, causing me to bump my pelvis into her rear end. Boom! You know what she said? “I know how you like taking things from behind.” What a paradigm shift in our relationship!
Don went on to say: “Two years ago, my wife and I were making love less than once a month, and we never talked about it. Then I discovered you and bought your Revive Her Drive program. Now we’re making love once a week and we talk about it quite a lot.
That’s amazing progress for a guy who’d all but given up on having a satisfying sex life with my wife. I’ve learned a lot about how to open her with the skills you teach in your program. We both feel our bond getting stronger and deeper every time we make love.
Still, every time I take a new risk, I get nervous that I might be going too far. I’ve become a true believer in your Four Elements of Revival inside Revive Her Drive. I now understand where you’re coming from about using my masculinity to increase the polarity.
“I’ve gained the courage to take charge in more ways, but my vision and sense of fantasy are rather limited. I was first attracted to her because she was smart, and I sensed her sexuality could match mine.”
“What I didn’t realize was how repressed we both were sexually. I’m nervous that I may not be masculine enough or have the leadership skills I need to help her release all that sexual energy she has bottled up. I’ve been thinking about where I’m stuck and observing our interactions for the last few weeks.”
“Two things seem to be at the core of my struggle. First, I have no idea how she would want to be ravished and, equally troubling, I can’t seem to connect inside myself with what I truly want.”
“The second revelation is that while making love I tend to merge with her in a way that diminishes rather that increases the polarity. A few nights ago, I realized that I actually do this for approval. So I took a risk and did an experiment by grabbing her and moving her in a commanding way. Wow… did that change ever the energy!”
“I know there’s more to do to open her up and, at the same time, more to do to open myself up. And I’m keenly aware that this isn’t just about sex. I don’t even know what my dreams and ambitions are anymore. I’m not sure what I want! Appreciate any insight you might offer. Don.”
Wow, Don. Such a good question.
Let’s start at the top level. The very last thing that you wrote was, “I don’t know what my dreams and ambitions are. I’m not really sure what I want.” This makes perfect sense because it all goes together: your sexuality is your vitality. Your sexual appetite is directly related to your creativity and your desires in the broader context of life outside the bedroom. When you don’t know what you want in bed, you usually don’t know what you want in life.
The good news is: these two issues are so interwoven that when you resolve the one, you will naturally resolve the other. What I most want you to know is that everything you need to discover what you want in and beyond the bedroom is within you. There’s no one way you need to be. You’re unique, and only you can discover and live from the truth of who you are. It’s a by-design… your design… situation. That means you get to make it up.
Now, listen carefully. What I’m about to say could be the key that opens the door to a whole new life. You have to learn to listen to yourself, to pay attention to what’s going on deep inside, as you make love to your woman. That’s how you find out what you uniquely want, what fuels your desire in the moment. As soon as you start listening to your insides, you’ll get better and better at it and start to trust yourself.
When guys get their hands on my Revive Her Drive program, they often start out thinking, “I’ve got to fix her.” The smart guys come back to me awhile later, saying: “Wow, I thought it was her, but it’s me I need to fix. I need to work on my polarity.”
It’s awesome that you came to that on your own. It’s really the first step that sets up all the other steps to rekindle the passion with your woman as I explain in Revive Her Drive:
- Romance her to turn her sensual body on again.
- Learn advanced seduction skills that aren’t manipulative or needy
- Learn advanced mastery skills that allow you to give her all kinds of orgasms
Here is a video I recorded for you that shows you how to take control in the bedroom and instill more polarity.
HOW TO RAVISH HER ⇐ A STEP-BY-STEP GAME PLAN (VIDEO)
thank you for the insights – keep it up friends. I greatly benefit from your ARTICLES.
Thank you, John.