How To Re-Spark Your Partner’s Sex Drive
When the honeymoon is over… and your lust for each other fades… you CAN rekindle the passion with this simple technique.
What no one has taken the time to explain to you is the biochemistry responsible for the phenomenon commonly known as “the honeymoon’s over.”
The rush of hormones that come with a new relationship undoubtedly fade away. But your attraction can morph into a deeper intimacy that still takes your breath away. A lover’s lusty side is not dead and gone after the new relationship energy wears off; it just needs to be enticed to come out of hiding.
Thousands of couples have successfully rekindled the flame of their mutual desire with my sure-fire approach: making Small Offers.
Before I get into the specifics of why “small offers” are a brilliant way to wake up your zest for sex again (for BOTH of you) it’s best to understand why these love chemicals are so powerful and how you can get those honeymoon feelings back.
You rekindle the spark by returning to the joy of romance, of trying new sexual techniques together and by spending time in the sensual pleasure zone. Instead of “trying to get sex,” you woo your partner like when you were first dating. This is what fires up the lust again and it starts with this magical technique of Small Offers.
Small Offers is one of the six essentials to connected sex that I cover in my new book, Sexual Soulmates. Download it now for free because I’m going to stop giving it away shortly.
Sexual Soulmates: 6 Essentials of Connected Sex ⇐ Get It Free For A Limited Time
Now I want to give airtime to the issue of why your beloved lost their mojo in the first place. This question weighs heavily on many a partner’s mind when their realize that their lover’s body no longer responds to their touch.
Too many men buy into the common misperception that a woman’s lack of interest means her libido has gone belly-up. Or, if she’s recently had a baby, they take as gospel what seems like a reasonable explanation: her mommy brain has permanently hijacked her sex drive.
Too many women whose man has pulled away physically miss the true signals as to why… So much of our culture has us believe guys are always supposed to be horny.
Either way, if you’re partner has rejected you one too many times you’ve probably gotten gun shy about asking for physical intimacy… you’ve started walking on eggshells… and frustrations about lack of sex are likely spilling over into a generally less enthusiastic overall relationship… to the point where you’re considering cheating or getting divorced.
Lack of intimacy tears relationships apart.
But it doesn’t have to be so.
Sometimes the reason why your partner is pulling away is a major issue to which you need to find a work-around or solve. Things like depression and illness; workaholic or chronic stress or performance anxiety based on difficulties getting hard or achieving orgasm; past sexual abuse that wells up when the new relationship energy ebbs; body shame from weight gain; even an insecure attachment style that caught up with your partner from the way they were raised as a child are common reasons partners pull away sexually.
Often it’s simply because they got bored with sex or they’ve lost their attraction to you or they are just plain MAD at you for other reasons.
WHAT RUSSELL DID TO RE-SPARK EMILY
If your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, or wife has become less and less interested in making love with you, instead of resigning yourself to the occasional helping of mercy sex, try what Russell did to re-ignite the flames with his wife, Emily.
A dual career couple, Russell and Emily had a child soon after they got married. As is so common when a young couple crosses the threshold into parenthood, their sex life went to hell in a bassinet.
Russell wrote to me asking, “She’s not interested in making love anymore. I have to beg her for sex! What can I do?”
I talked with him about polarity and helped him understand that we women love it when a man demonstrates masculine leadership. But I added one super important caveat: he couldn’t just change overnight and instantly start taking charge in the bedroom. The last thing he needed was to have her recoil from him and say, “What the hell’s wrong with you? And what have you done with my groveling husband?”
No. He had to step into his masculine leadership one manly step at a time. Russell was clear that he would do whatever it took to get her, not just interested in sex again, but outright hot for sex again.
That’s where small offers come into play. A reticent partner needs to be moved s-l-o-w-l-y in the direction of pleasure again. I said pleasure rather than sexual pleasure intentionally because small offers have to be incremental. A man needs to start by reminding her how much she loves him, then reminding her body how much she likes his touch, then start appealing to her sensual nature. It’s super important to wait until she’s back in touch with her love and back in touch with her body before making small offers of a sexual nature.
The first step for Russell was taking the initiative to plan an outing for Emily. (Note: a key element of masculine leadership is taking initiative and, in so doing, taking some of the managerial load off the woman.) That Saturday afternoon, Russell had arranged for the babysitter (ordinarily Emily’s job). When the sitter arrived, he asked his wife to put on her favorite sundress. He put on a really nice, tight fitting shirt (Russell always kept himself in great shape), and told her he was taking her to their favorite lakeside park for a picnic. “Your only job this afternoon is to relax,” he said.
Once they arrived, he spread out the blanket, opened a bottle of wine, and broke out a baguette along with Emily’s favorite cheese, perfectly softened just the way she liked it. He didn’t ask if he could feed her; he just stepped into role with a demeanor that said “I’m going to worship you now,” as if it were the most natural thing in the world. (Note: another element of masculine leadership involves giving yourself permission to be in charge rather than asking her if it’s okay to take charge.)
While feeding her, Russell told Emily how sexy she was, how much he missed being with her, and how much he loved her. He did not try to make out with her or cop a feel. He understood that this was the starting point.
If a man makes a big offer like, “Hey, honey. Let’s have sex tonight!” he is setting himself up for rejection, which is the opposite of stepping into masculine leadership. But guys know it doesn’t work to wait around for us to initiate because everyone knows where that will lead and it isn’t into the bedroom. So a man has to step into masculine leadership in a way that allows us to say yes. (And yes, that’s another crucial element of masculine leadership: she has to have the option to say “no” otherwise he’s not leading, he’s demanding, and that is the opposite of sexy.)
The best approach is to ask for what will get her to say “Yes.” In other words: an enticing offer she can comfortably accept.
SMALL OFFER EXAMPLES
Here are some examples of small offers:
“Welcome home, sweetheart! Can I get you a glass of wine?”
“Would you like a foot massage while you watch TV?
A “yes” is a sign that it’s time to step it up a bit.
The next offer might be: “Would you like to get in the hot tub after dinner?” Don’t suggest a sensual massage right away. If the offer is too much for her in the moment, best to back off. And whatever happens, a man should never take her “No” personally; that will only undermine his budding masculine leadership. A lower offer will give her a variety of options until she says “yes” again.
Then you might say, “Let’s go to bed early and I’ll give you a back massage.”
The goal is to make these offers so small and irresistible that she can give a string of yeses and become more and more open sexually.
I know, I know… it sounds like a lot of effort that requires tremendous patience. But that’s how we women roll. Admit it, guys: you would be bored with a woman who didn’t challenge you to be your best. I can tell you from experience: the effort will be rewarded with great sex and a whole lot more of the juiciness that makes for truly fulfilling relationships.
To get started on Small Offers, you can learn how they are one of the four interlocking keys to seduction by getting our free download, “More Sex More Often.” This explains how to run your partner a menu of small offers that move them toward more pleasure with you; get them saying YES!, instead of no; and allow you to remind their bodies they love sex.
If you’re ready RIGHT NOW to learn how to run these menu’s and use all four keys to seduction (I’m talking seduce your partner kind of seduction, not the pick-up-a-girl-at-a-bar kind of seduction) then here is a link to get The Seduction Trilogy.
The Seduction Trilogy ← Four Keys To Seduction Including “How To Run a Menu of Small Offers That Lead to HOT Sex”
SEDUCE HER TONIGHT
Works on everyone across the gender spectrum…
You will discover how to read your partner’s mood and easily create small offers that get their juices flowing again. The three sexy audiobooks (and downloadable books with the four keys system is amazing to listen to… And you get a whole bunch of “done-for-you” menus of small offers to use on your partner.
However, IF your partner is very, very shut down… if they are avoiding even touching you anymore… Then I suggest you get my Revive Her Drive program.. The four elements of reviving your partner’s sex drive REALLY WORK (unless they need a psychiatrist or they are extremely ill).
Revive Her Drive is written for men to get their women to want them again for sex. But I can tell you, a LOT of women listen to the audio modules and finally understand why their man has forfeited his desire or why they don’t want their husband for sex anymore.
Revive Her Drive shows you where things went wrong and how to fix your intimacy. And it WORKS.
Though there is the masculine/feminine dynamic always at play between couples, more and more I’ve come to an awareness that we are all just humans with our own frailties and life experiences that impact our sexual desire. The trick to fixing a faltering sex life is understanding the step-by-step process I outline in Revive Her Drive that can help any couple come back together sexually.
Revive Her Drive ⇐ Works On Husbands Too and Women Learn A TON About How to Keep The Spark Alive e)
Guys and girls struggle with similar libido issues. If desire has gone missing, there is a system to revive it. If your sex life together was good but your wife or girlfriend are just not into you anymore, get Revive Her Drive and work the four elements of revival in order.
If your husband or boyfriend is the one with the diminished libido, read this to learn the reasons why MEN stop wanting sex.
If your sex life is ok but you want it to be great, use The Seduction Trilogy’s four keys to seduction to move your partner to more pleasure more often.
If you’re not sure where to start, send me an email describing your situation and I’ll point you in the right direction.
Most importantly, don’t give up and try not to take the rejection personally.
Here are those links again: