Haven’t had sex for 2 years.
“I commend you, man. You are the guy who knows it is your job to lead your woman toward pleasure and connection.
Most guys just decide their wife is a cold bitch and cheat on her, divorce her or give up and squander their sex life. You are a winner. You hit your issues straight on, take responsibility and leadership and work the program. Of course she is equally to blame here — but neither of you knew what you were doing, just like everyone else. So you forgive her, forgive yourself and step up like the man you are to fix it and get back on that upward pleasure spiral.”
Here’s a note from Liam. He and his wife haven’t been intimate for two years… but he still loves and wants her. He is fighting to get her to realize that they have all the makings of a perfect marriage if she can just believe in him again. Their anniversary is coming up and he needs advice about what to do:
My wife and I haven’t had sex for 2 years. With two small kids and her busy career… Plus some financial difficulties I created and have now cleaned up… She says she’s not sure she wants to be with me anymore.
As you recommend, I am going to fight to keep her. I love her. I understand what she needed from me that I wasn’t giving her. And now I am on my long road back to re-creating the passion we had when we first met.
I really appreciate all the tools and techniques you give us guys to show up as the masculine sexual leader. So here’s a question:
Our anniversary is coming up and she has a business function that night.
What can I do to warm her up remotely, make her feel my love for her and demonstrate my commitment to our marriage?
Thanks for your sage wisdom. Everything you’ve explain always makes so much sense or just plain works.
Liam (named changed for confidentiality)
You are doing a great job understanding what happened and making yourself accountable for fixing it and moving forward. I commend you.
Here are some ideas for warming up your chilly mama so she’ll cuddle back up to you. These recommendations are based on my 5 Pillars of Passion — those things that women need to feel romantically inclined toward their men.
This comes from my book, “30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic,” which you can grab here for free at this special link.
Get 30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic:
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These romantic techniques are designed to ultimately lead to physical intimacy.
My recommendations are built on these 5 Pillars of Passion:
- Sensate Connection
- Playful Adventure
- Erotic Communications
- Declarations of Love
You can go into the 30 Romance Tricks book to get more specifics, but here’s a strategy you can personalize:
Big Picture: You’re going to use all five pillars of passion with this game plan. You will incorporate your masculine leadership, good father energy and sensual but not overtly sexual interest to get her to remember why she chose you as her husband.
Let’s start with Playful Adventure, one of the 5 Pillars of Passion. You’re going to plan an outing with the kids where you make sure to get FAMILY photos on your phone that you will be dripping out to her over a few weeks after the event. Try to do this asap so you have it done before your anniversary if possible… Also get selfies with just the two of you. And see if you can get her to pose by a tree or a lake and allow you to take some pretty pictures of her. Watch the light and frame the pictures well. Shoot as many as she will let you. Get her to strike a few poses. Tell her you want a new screensaver for your phone.
Photos make memories and meaning. They are visual representations of your love and worth.
The outing will be a beautiful nature walk with a picnic that you prepare. Getting a woman in nature is the #1 romantic way to warm her up. It relaxes her and distresses her.
Include champagne, a blanket and music. Feed her something delicious from the basket. As her if it’s ok if you cover her eyes and have her try a little bite of something you brought especially for her. (Individual pieces of chocolate are a good option. Ask her to describe the flavor.) This is a polarity move —she has to surrender and open her mouth to you. It’s amazing how this wakes up the physical desire system. Very subtle…
In the car on the way, plug in music that has a playlist of classic family sing along songs. Encourage your family to sing along. This creates irresistible cohesion. Singing is a way of moving her emotions.
Between now and then, get your hair cut, trim your nails, nose hairs and eyebrows if required. Start doing squats and push ups every day. Buff up as much as possible and during the outing, make sure you flex your muscles very subtly in front of her. Wear a short sleeved polo — a collared shirt, not a tee shirty. Show off your biceps when you lift up one of your kids in front of her… make sure she sees your strength and love.
Kiss your children and kiss her on the cheeks and forehead (not the mouth yet) and hug everyone a lot during the time leading up to the event. Put your hand on the small of her back as you open the car door for her. Don’t let her stride ahead and get he own door. Get your ass ahead of her and open it and guide her in like a precious package. This is called, “claiming.” It’s irresistible to women.
As you are walking through nature, hold her hand.
Your goal here is to see how much you love and adore and protect your family. Recall fun times you have all had together through the years.
MAN/WOMAN WARM UP
Now, on a separate track you are going to be doing more man/woman warm up things. This is part of Sensate Connection — one of the 5 Pillars of Passion. Here’s what you do.
Go into a nice department store and get a saleswoman to help you choose a very feminine nightgown Nothing too sexy, but sexy nonetheless. You are not buying her lingerie, but it should feel sweetly sensual. Get satin made from real silk, not polyester if you can find and afford it. This is your wedding present after all. Cotton is too dowdy. You want to hit the right note here. Nothing desperate for sex, but a reminder that she’s a sensual woman…
Have the present gift wrapped. Get a card —the most romantic one you can find. Write something like this in it:
Happy Anniversary. I adore you and the family we’ve created and the woman you’ve become. Though I know we have been busy building our lives and getting on our feet as a family, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, continuing to unfold our love and affection.
You are so beautiful to me. I am so proud to be your husband. My love for you is undying and I am going to spend this next year of our lives expressing how much I treasure you even more. Happy Anniversary to my darling angel.
Go to a florist and order a bouquet of pink and red roses mixed with lacy white flowers and greenery and have it sent to her office the day before your anniversary. Stopping in at the florist and telling them exactly what you want will ensure a more quality bouquet. Left to their own, they will not do a great job. Tell them this is REALLY an important bouquet and she’s a VIP at her office and you need it to really demonstrate your love. Get their help to make it spectacular.
Write the notecard yourself that simply says, “You are treasured, deeply loved and adored. Happy Anniversary, darling, Liam.”
This is an expression of your love in her workplace which will remind her of her value at home.
She will see it’s your writing and that will be extra brownie points.
Well, you’ve gotten those pictures from the family outing. This whole section is full of Mindfulness — one of the 5 Pillars of Passion.
Now you want to drip those pictures out over the next few weeks, reminding her of the fun trip you all had, what a nice guy you are and that you are a good daddy too.
Start with the family shot, but over the next few days, send her your favorite pictures of her you took and each time you do, express very specifically one thing you love about her.
Rotate between appreciating one specific aspect of her beauty, her intelligence, her kindness, interleaved with how she makes you feel good when she does certain things. You are training her here to begin appreciating her impact on you. She’s forgotten that she loves you and she needs to remember what it is she married you for.
Don’t write the texts in a way that requires her to respond. Just send the love out. Let it linger.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE
Liam, you already have Revive Her Drive.
And now you have 30 Romance Tricks. Just remember the pattern: Romance, Sensual, Seduction, Advanced Sexual Techniques.
You are still in the romance stage. Do as many things in 30 Romance Tricks as you can while listening to the audios in Revive Her Drive so you understand where you are going as you move into the Sensual stage of getting her back in your arms.
I commend you, man. You are the guy who knows it is your job to lead your woman toward pleasure and connection.
Most guys just decide their wife is a cold bitch and cheat on her or divorce her. You are the winner. You hit your issues straight on, take responsibility and leadership and work the program. Of course she is equally to blame here — but neither of you knew what you were doing, just like everyone else. So you forgive her, forgive yourself and step up like the man you are to fix it and get back on that upward pleasure spiral.
You are just special because you are wiling to step up an learn.
I wish more men were like you. Your wife has NO IDEA how lucky she is right now. But she will.
And remember, Tim and I were right where you are now. And we are 25 years in and more in love than ever!
It is totally possible to turn your ship around and make your marriage sexy, hot and fun again.
And you are absolutely on the right track.
Let me know what you end up doing from the advice I gave you. Keep checking in and keeping me updated.
You Are DA MAN! Don’t you forget it.
If you want my book, 30 Romance Tricks That Work Like Magic, go ahead and grab it with my compliments. Yes, we do sell it, but this special link gets it to you for free.
It will help you with the early stages of reawakening your wife or girlfriend’s libido…
And if you need to learn how to actually get her to want you for sex again, I suggest you watch this video where I explain the four steps to getting her initiating sex with you:
Revive Her Drive <=== The Four Elements of Revival