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5 Sex Languages (Book Review)

Doug Weiss is a Christian-oriented psychologist and author of 30 relationship books.

In his latest, “5 Sex Languages,” he explains that a couple’s, “sex language,” is likely different for each partner.

How she communicates about sex is different than how her partner does and vice versa.

Let me explain more so you can see what your sex language might be… (scroll down)


As Doug says in, “5 Sex Languages,” “As you read through this book you will gain knowledge and insight that will help you stop arguing about sexual frequency, agree with what’s acceptable in your bedroom, and identify roadblocks that could be keeping you from an awesome sex life.”

The first language is FUN… but read all five before you start guessing which Sex Languages are more often your starting point…


  1. FUN

What’s cool is… In the book, Doug gives examples of the way you can tell what your partner’s most common Sex Languages are.

Can you guess which one of the 5 Sex Languages the following sentences are?

“I love your creativity in the bedroom.”
“I stay hungry for you. You know that, right?”
“I want to let your explorer out to play tonight, if you’re up for it.”
“Can we take our time tonight as I please you?”
“I love all of you.”

If you guessed that they are representative of the order above, you are RIGHT! The examples are in order: Fun, Desire, Pleasure, Patience, and Acceptance/Celebration.

Dr. Weiss also says there are four phases of sexual communication:

  • Sexual Environment
  • Invitation
  • Sex Act
  • After Phase

So understanding how your partner likes to discuss setting up your loverspace — the sexual environment — would be similar to how they might communicate their preferences during the actual lovemaking session.

Here is an example of someone whose Sex Language is Patience through each of the four phases of sex:

“I look forward to these few hours to show you how much I truly love you.” (Sexual Environment communication)
“I’ll put the kids to bed tonight so we have more time together for lovemaking.”(Invitation)
“Don’t rush. I want to enjoy you longer.” (Sex Act)
“You’re like a great meal. It takes time to savor you sexually. That was amazing!”

What I really want you to understand here is that there are all these different ways to express yourself to your partner when it comes to sex.

There are these different areas of perspective — like being slow and patient, or appreciating the amazing sex you have together — and there are different times during the cycle of lovemaking where you can communicate in different ways.

Just by understanding that there are 5 Sex Languages can expand your ability to communicate with your lover

And the more communication you two have about your sex life, the richer and more satisfying it becomes.

In my next email about Douglas Weiss’s book, 5 Sex Languages I’m going to cover, “How To Ask For Sex.” It seems like this is a place where couples really struggle.

Susan-Bratton-5-Sex-Languages-NewAnd if you like this idea of getting better at sexual communication, or you’d like to know what your primary sex language is and how to expand your conversational repertoire,  grab a copy of Doug’s book on Amazon .  It will expand your vocabulary around sex talk and will increase your overall intimacy and pleasure.

2 Responses

  1. I thought I had met a lady who accepted my sexual “differences” but found out after the marriage that true to form with females, a woman will pretty much say anything to capture their guy and afterward just change their minds. Too bad…

    1. Robin,
      Don’t blame women for what you feel is a bait and switch. Something hormonal comes over women when they need to find a stable mate. And they are out of their minds until they get them. It just happens. It’s weird. It’s biological and as yet science hasn’t explained it. But it’s so common as to be an aphorism.
      Let go of your anger. Forgive and forget. And try to trust women going forward or your bitterness will rot out all possibility of you actually connecting intimately with a lovely woman.
      If you get involved again, you will need to continue to romance and woo her forever. Men tend to drop the romance and then the sex fades. It’s not your fault. It’s also how guys are wired.
      This is the stuff that trips almost every couple up.
      It’s all good. You get together. The new relationship energy fades. She gets bored with your same old sex routine. You start begging for sex. You forget to woo her. She stops sleeping with you. If children are involved, they get all her love. You are frozen out.
      You both get angry. Intimacy dries up. You get divorced after years of bitterness.
      All because you are not taught how to keep the spark alive.
      My program, Revive Her Drive, is written to help men understand how to become the masculine sexual leader that keeps the spark alive.
      I suggest you get it, consume it and don’t make the same mistake again.

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