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Understanding Your Sexual Excitation And Inhibition

Free libido gift below. Read on to learn more about vaginal wetness.

The main takeaway from “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” is that sexually we are all made of the same parts, organized in different ways — no two alike. Humans express and enjoy their sexuality in wildly different ways but have all the same parts.

Fascinating facts about women’s lubrication/wetness.


For example, half the time men get erections, they are aroused. Half the time they are not. Erection does not equal “sexually turned on.

Yet there is only a 10% overlap between a woman’s “genital response” (wetness and engorgement) and what her brain says is, “sexually appealing.”

Women’s vaginal lubrication is a poor sign of arousal. You have to ask her if she’s turned on. And if she’s turned on but her genitals are dry, just use lube. If she is wet, do not assume she is turned on.

Another important detail is that we have two concurrent systems that co-regulate each other. Like in a car, one is the gas and one is the brake. The gas is the “sexual excitation system” and the brake is the “sexual inhibition system.” The gas and brake work concurrently and all people have both but in different amounts.


Two processes activate arousal — pressing on the accelerator as you move your foot off the brake. Some people are heavy breakers — most often women. Men step on the gas more easily.

Some people are heavy gassers and light on the brakes, others ride the brakes and have a hard time stepping on the gas but most of us are average. “The variation is distributed on a nice little bell curve; the majority of people are heaped up in the middle and a few people are at the extreme ends,” says Dr. Emily Nagoski.

Women on average have more sensitive breaks but about 2-6% of women have a lead foot and loose brakes and they take more sexual risks. About 1-4% of women have heavy brakes and difficulty stepping on the gas which causes them to have trouble getting aroused or orgasm and a lack of desire.

A sensitive brake, no matter what your gas pedal is like, is the strongest predictor of difficulty with arousal and orgasm.  This sensitive brake can come from internal fears and/or external factors.


There is a Sexual Temperament Questionnaire in her book that you can take to see where you fall on the bell curve of high, medium, and low gas and break. Then once you know, you can understand how to work with your natural excitation/inhibition set points to increase the amount of sexual pleasure you have.

If you have a partner whose desire levels differ considerably from yours, this book holds many keys to rationalizing your desire deltas so you have less frustration with each other. Instead, you can increase your pleasure together without expecting your partner to change your gas and brake sensitivity.

You can change what your brake considers a threat and you can change what your accelerator considers sexually interesting by changing the context in which you have sexual experiences.

Context turns out to be tremendously important in helping women take their feet off their brake and accelerate their gas pedal. Context is creating a sexually safe environment — both her internal state (feelings) and external circumstances (environment) for her to become aroused. The book gives a range of ideas for increasing sexual context, and therefore desire.

This is an excellent book if you want to increase the level and frequency of sexual pleasure in your life.

Though you are in the middle of the bell curve, Come As You Are can help you with your sexuality. It turns out, the most important factor for having a good sex life is feeling your sexual functions. The better you feel about your own sexuality, the better your sex life. You feel better and better with good information. It’s lack of knowledge and ignorance that creates fear. If you are afraid, if you don’t feel good about your own sexuality, it generates upset and wretchedness. Read more to learn about vaginal wetness.

That’s why I’m so glad you are learning and educating yourself… opening yourself to MORE.

Because that’s the beauty of sex. There is always more.

Come As You Are Series You Might Have Missed:

4 Cues For Female Sexual Desire (Come As You Are 1 of 5)

8 Ways Women Hit The Sexual Brakes (Come As You Are 2 of 5)

The Secret To Managing Stress (Come As You Are 3 of 5)

Understanding Your Sexual Attachments (Come As You Are 4 of 5)

One Response

  1. hi I like the comments on here but I need to have some info and ways to get my cock bigger ive tried plumping and jelquing and stretching but it doesn’t work as im diabetic and high blood pressure and cholesterol I want this to happen as im hoping to get my girlfriend over here soon and when we make love I want it to make her happy and gobsmacked for her to insert in her ass as she has never done anal reply to me asap

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