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Understanding Your Sexual Attachments

Are you (or your lover) one of the 50% of Americans who have an “insecure sexual attachment style?” Learn how to transform your life.

Attachment-bonding is a growing category of psychology. Attachment-bonding is getting so much attention because it explains A LOT about our behavior – both generally and SEXUALLY.

How you have parented shapes how you mature and attach to your lovers or mates in the future.

Look at the list of 17 different ways being a poorly attached child impacts one’s sex life. Perhaps you may see a bit of yourself or your sexual partner reflected in this list? If so, it may explain a LOT of confusing behaviors.


If you or your partner fits this description, look on the bright side. You can get over this lack of attachment parenting and go on to have more positive feelings of sexual well-being. Just knowing that your attachment deficit is “a thing” lets you move toward resolving unmet needs for bonding so you can get to the point where you feel safe, secure, and loved.

“Secure attachers have more positive emotions during sex, more frequent sex, higher levels of arousal and orgasm, and better communication about sex.”

I recommend my holding technique, The Soulmate Embrace, as the first, best step in feeling more attachment bonding. It’s free and downloadable right now. Get your copy.


Now you can let go of blaming your parents if they weren’t there for you, and you’re in the 50% of not-well-attached adults. They did the best they could with what they had. 

In the 21st century, we practice compassion, not blame or bitterness. Forgive them and forget the bonding you missed as a child and look forward. Learn how to ask for and receive the love you need, heal yourself, parent yourself, and attach yourself healthily.

I know, easier said than done—more about what you can do and read below.

transform your life


Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” explains, “About half of people in the United States develop secure attachment styles and half develop insecure attachment styles. Attachment style isn’t affected by gender – men and women are equally likely to be secure, avoidant, or anxious.”


She goes on to list some of the effects of insecure attachment-style parenting that affect people sexually:

(you may begin to see traits of your own, your current or past lovers in this list)

  • More negative emotions about sex
  • Less frequent sexual desire
  • Lower levels of arousal and orgasm
  • Not as facile at giving and receiving pleasure
  • They enjoy sex less
  • Are less sexually self-confident
  • Have anxiety-driven sexual experiences
  • More likely to experience pain with sex and health risks
  • Less likely to use condoms
  • More likely to use alcohol or other drugs before sex
  • Have higher STDs and unwanted pregnancies
  • Are more likely to be involved on either side of a coercive sexual relationship
  • Have sex later in life
  • Have fewer non-coital behaviors
  • More positive attitudes about sex outside committed relationships
  • Have more one night stands
  • They are more likely to have sex to fit into a social expectation instead of just because they want to

A lack of secure attachment parenting impacts every facet of sex.

If you suspect that you are one of the 50% who did not receive secure attachment bonding, read Dr. Nagoski’s new book, “Come As You Are,” for how to manage your need for wholesome attachment and the emotions that arise from this scarcity. 

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