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The Secret To Managing Stress

A small percentage of humans are wired to want more sex when they are stressed. But for the large majority of us, stress is the #1 libido killer. (Poor attachment parenting may well be the #2 reason and more on that later.)

If you feel worried, anxious, fear, terror, irritation, annoyance, frustration, anger, rage, emotional numbness, shutdown, depression, or despair, according to Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book, “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, then you are stressed.

Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. YEAH!

Here are the de-stressing mechanisms that work best for most, including one super awesome SHORTCUT you’re going to love.

Listen to what Dr. Nagoski says is wrong with the way we are stressed today and why it’s so hard on our bodies and thus our sexual potential:

(I’ve paraphrased and condensed Emily’s work here, but I encourage you to click the link below and read her fascinating book in full.)

  1. Our stress is chronic. We don’t take deliberate steps to complete our stress cycles. There’s no clear beginning, middle, and end to our stresses. So the stress hangs out inside of us, making us sick and tired and unable to experience the pleasure of sex.
  2. We have an emotion-dismissing culture. “Suck it up.” “Get over yourself.” “Stiff upper lip.” And all that rot!
  3. Our ultra-social human brains are really good at self-inhibition, stopping the stress mid-cycle because NOW is not an appropriate time to process your feelings. So they get stuffed, stuck, and we are locked into our own fear, rage, and despair.

That’s why we MUST build time, space, and strategies for discharging our stress response cycles, says Emily.

HOW? Read on.


Remember, the #1 thing you can do to have more sexual pleasure in your life is to lower your chronic stress. You may want to print out this email and find a way to integrate some or all of the following list into your everyday life.

And notice that watching TV is not on this list, so don’t give me any crap about not having any time for these:

1. Get moving. Run, dance, walk, rebound, get a real.

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“Physical activity is the single most efficient strategy for completing the stress response cycle and recalibrating your nervous system into a calm state. When people say, “Exercise is for stress,” that is for realsie real, says Emily.

2. Affection. Get the emotional bonding you need to calm yourself down. Seek and receive soothing touch, especially in the form of, my world famous “Best Hug In The World.” ⇐ Simple Directions Here

3. Any form of meditation.

Remember just above when I talked about the stress reduction shortcut? Well, that shortcut is audio you listen to that trains your brain to easily slip into the Theta brainwave state. Your brain in a stress state runs Beta brainwaves. When meditating, you are in a Theta state.

The more you listen to Zen12, the faster your brain slips into the Theta gear. Science has been connecting the dots between lowered stress and meditation for years now.

Zen12 gives you meditative stress release in minutes of listening. And here is a link to get a free sample with my blessings:

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⇐ Your FREE Stress-Busting Meditation Audio Here

Start listening. Not only will your brain de-stress by slipping into the Theta state more easily, but the Theta state is also the state of orgasm and sexual rapture. This means as you are de-stressing with Zen12, you’re training your body to also relax more easily into sexual pleasure. Yippee!

4. Yoga. Tai Chi. QiGong. My favorite for men’s energy cultivation. I recommend the Good Morning Good Even QiGong with Tristan Truscott and Peter Ragnar.

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and get a free 6-Step QiGong (also spelled Chi Gong) Blueprint with my link.

5. Sleep.

6. Body scans.

7. A good old cry.

8. Primal screaming.

9. Journaling positive ideas.

10. Art.

11. Grooming and other self-care like massage, hot tubs, infrared saunas.

12. Getting out in any kind of nature.

So, what do you choose? What modalities will you use to move through your stress and arrive in a happy, sound body ready and willing to enjoy your god-given pleasure?

Tell me what changes you’re making by a post or a comment.

Here’s a link to Dr. Nagoski’s book if you’d like to read the entire wonderful thing. I’ve only captured the barest of bits of excellence here for you.

how to have less stress

“Come As You Are” Article Series You Might Have Missed:

4 Cues For Female Sexual Desire (Come As You Are 1 of 5)

8 Ways Women Hit The Sexual Brakes (Come As You Are 2 of 5)

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