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The Secret To Connecting Deeply With Others

“It took a lot of courage for me to morph into your trusted hot sex advisor, but it’s my mission to create more passionate intimacy so you can feel more alive and loved.”

When I was 13 years old, an impressionable time in the formation of any individual, I discovered a quote that became my mantra for life:

“Don’t compromise yourself,  you’re all you’ve got.”

— Janice Joplin (Singer, 1943-1970)

Are you living your truth? Or are you compromising who you truly are to be something you think you should be?

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Are you showing up in the world unfiltered, exactly as you are? Or are you shape shifting to please what you imagine others want you to be?

How aware are you that your behavior is often dictated by your culture, religion and family expectations? How often are you consciously making decisions about what it is you want in every moment, and acting on that?

What I notice is that the more I let “the real me” out to play, the more compliments I get from others that they feel and appreciate my courage to be my authentic self. “I love how you are unabashedly yourself.” “You march proudly to your own drummer.” “You give me the courage to be more myself.”

Are you playing full out or holding back your true essence? Much attention is given to “being authentic” – we humans crave authenticity we can trust. That’s the allure of sneak peaks, back stage passes, reality shows and unplugged music… the raw, real deal in all its imperfection is more alluring than the most polished persona.

In our desire to be loved, we often feel compelled to project a perfect exterior. But perfection is a false front that actually repels people from connecting with us more deeply, getting to know your “real me” and loving who you are deep inside.

Another way that you may miss opportunities to connect more intimately with friends and partners is to think their behavior is about YOU. If someone is aloof or shy about giving you the attention you seek to feel connected, remember this… 95% of the time that person is deep within themselves, dealing with their own issues and insecurities and their reaction to you has nothing to do with you…

Human beings by nature process what’s happening around them – especially how they respond to others – in 3 different ways. Being able to spot these three modalities will help you engage with an individual in the best manner to suit their nature. You’ll easily begin noticing if a person is an auditory, visual or kinesthetic learner and adjust how you interact with them. Visual people say, “I see what you mean.” Draw them pictures for their minds. Auditory learners want to “hear all about it.” And when you touch kinesthetic learners as you speak to them, the words go in more easily.

Simply looking for clues like these will deepen your connection to those with whom you interact.

And here’s the other divine lightening rod of advice for making every communication count… Follow, “The Platinum Rule”… Do unto others as they want to be done to… Rather than treating people the way you want to be treated. We all have unique relationship values. When you understand that everyone has a unique set of inter-relating preferences, you can take the time to fulfill your friend’s and acquaintances needs in ways perfect for them. This strategy will ultimately deepen your connection to others throughout your life, making each interaction more rewarding, more profound and more loving.

It took a lot of courage for me to morph into the trusted sex advisor I have become, but it’s what my life’s mission is… to create more passionate intimacy for people like you who want to feel more alive and loved. That’s also why I created the Steamy Sex Ed DVD Collection… as a beacon for couples and singles to see for themselves what heart-connected lovemaking looks like.

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5 Responses

  1. Yes, it DID take a lot of courage for you to morph into our trusted hot sex advisor–but you made it look easy! I love your openness and your willingness to do what you are teaching here in this message. You even communicated with me by email personally which is rare for someone as widely known as yourself! You are the poster girl of “Being Yourself” Susan! And you mentioned Janis Joplin.. I just watched a video of her singing “Bobby McGee” — talk about someone who was totally herself!!

    1. Don,
      You’ve been by my side through many years of opening to my gifts. For that I thank you.

  2. Thank you for sharing this article and I concur. I am a person who has been working on her authenticity for quite some time and am virtually unfiltered…sometimes this is appropriate and sometimes not. My goal is to try and keep it real at all times and filter my behaviors to my audience.

  3. I enjoyed reading this article.
    I now have a fuller understanding of human nature and our ability to adapt

    Thank You
    Male 52

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