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Top 10 Safe Ways To Be Dominant In Bed

Top 10 Safe Ways To Be Dominant In Bed

Masculine Sexual Leadership Bedroom Ideas Women Crave Most

  1. Pick her up and move her body for her.
  2. Blindfold her so she can focus on feeling the sensations you’re delivering.
  3. Lie her on the bed, get on top of her and pin her hands down slightly above her head as you kiss her.
  4. Weave your fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and squeeze with light pressure.
  5. Put your hand on her throat with pressure that makes her feel held down without blocking her airway.
  6. Tell her how much you desire her body and very specfiically what you find most sexually irresistible about her. When you talk to her, look her right in the eyes when possible. Eye contact shows her you are confident and present with her.
  7. Assume the role of  “big daddy” and tell her she’s a good little girl… Verbally appreciate her for doing sexy things.
  8. Put her over your knees and give her a little light paddling or spanking while you tell her how sexy she looks.
  9. Tie her wrists together or to the bed while you pleasure her.
  10. Focus on escalating her arousal by knowing how to keep turning her on more and more during your lovemaking session.

Power play, another phrase to describe the D/s (dominant/submissive) in BDSM, does not have to hurt or be degrading in any way. Any couple can enjoy one partner taking the lead and the other surrendering to their leadership.

Many women are aching for their man to take the lead during a lovemaking session. The number one question women ask me is, “How can I get him to take the lead in the bedroom?” Many men have grown fearful of upsetting a woman if they do take the lead. This Top 10 “BDSM Lite” Safe, Sexy Kink Ideas list includes the lightest, least aggressive ways to bring that masculine/feminine magnetism into your next date.

The first is to have very good communication about exactly what you like. This takes a little experimentation because everyone’s mood is different from day to day and each couple’s body dynamics are unique. For example, the chokehold around a woman’s neck cannot block her ability to breathe. What you’re going for is a feeling that she’s being held down, grounded, without any danger at all. Holding her by the neck should actually be a comforting feeling like, “he’s got me.”  The size of your hands and her neck will determine what grip feels best to her. Experiment and get her feedback.

One neat thing that makes the choke hold really sexy comes from the erectile tissue (the same tissue that makes a man’s penis erect and a woman’s vulva engorged) in a woman’s neck. Grasp with one hand around the column of her neck such that your fingers apply pressure on one side while your thumb applies pressure on the other without pressing down on the front of her neck near her windpipe. This will stimulate the erectile tissue on the sides of her neck and make her feel held in a dominated way that turns most women on.

If, by accident, you make her cough, just realize you found the edge of her comfort and work on your hold. Kissing her and saying, “Sorry, baby,” is enough to give her a chance to recover and resume. If you get upset with yourself because you didn’t do it perfectly, that ruins the mood. Finding your pressure, grip and how she likes it in the moment just takes a little communication.

Spanking follows the same rules… The size and shape of your hands and her butt and her mood and level of arousal will determine day to day what kind of paddling she might enjoy. Sometimes one whack is enough to get her attention back in her body… Other days she might want a series of very light blows all around her buns… Or she might like a hard spanking that gets her nervous system feeling more alive… Just experiment each time and feel into what brings you both pleasure.

The most important thing to focus on when you are taking the lead is to think two steps ahead so that there is not a lull in her arousal. Listen to my audiobook (free) on Erotic Escalation for more than 30 foreplay ideas that keep her turn on climbing. I give you arousal stair steps for both men and women in the audio you can stream online or download with my compliments. When you can take her from lusty desire to full on multiple orgasmic ecstasy by ramping her arousal higher and higher — with short breaks and rest to get her ready to go to the next level which we call PEAKING — where she doesn’t have a moment of wanting more stimulation because you keep giving it to her, her climactic abilities will skyrocket.

The best resource for understanding how to stair step a woman’s arousal by using Peaking is in Dr. Patti’s free ebook, The Power and Pleasure of Orgasmic Peaking. When you enter your name and email address on this page, you will get three free Pleasure Reports emailed to you one after the other. (Note: You can one click unsubscribe anytime from this Expanded Orgasm sub-list and you will still stay on our general “Insider’s Club” Membership List if you are a subscriber.)

In this free, downloadable .pdf, Dr. Patti shares a little-known, but very powerful, secret that will allow your lover to propel your feminine orgasmic energy way, way out there. Now I’d like to reveal that secret to you.

Have you ever had the experience of your partner orgasmically climbing… climbing… climbing (I’m getting breathless just telling you this!)… and then… pifffft? The orgasmic energy plateaus, drops, and maybe even evaporates? Then when you try to “get it back” all you get is two frustrated partners?

If this has happened to you (I’m being playful—this has happened lots of times to everybody, including orgasm masters), you’ll be happy to learn about Peaking—the art of giving little intentional breaks, or pauses, of sensation during a sensual date. The art of peaking is easy to learn, yet robust enough to yield new benefits for a lifetime.

Let’s say that in manual genital play (clitoral stroking and vulva fingering which we call, “Expanded Orgasm”), you are giving your partner a steady stream of genital sensation. You’ve found her favorite spot, you’re locked on to it, and you’re delivering just the perfect pressure, speed, and stroke. She is climbing with energy and enthusiasm. In short, she’s really grooving on what you’re doing and where you’re taking her! And so are you!

So what happens if you don’t give her any pauses, or intentional breaks? If you’re just stroking away, caught up in your own pleasure of taking her higher and higher? At some point, she (as receiver of the energy) will plateau, and—if you don’t catch what’s happening—you’ll start to lose her. Technically, she’ll find a way to end the flow of sensation, because it’ll get to be just too much.

Think of her “orgasmic energy container” as a cup. You are filling her cup, and she loves that. You love that she loves it. So you keep filling her cup. Usually, once the pleasure-climb starts, it accelerates. Pretty soon her cup is full, but you’re so enthusiastic that you just keep filling away. Now she’s overflowing; her cup can’t hold any more.

Biologically and energetically, she has to find some way to slow down the filling.

Here are some ways she might do this:

• She can climax and go “over the edge” (and that edge might be a “low edge,” which could be frustrating to her, if what she wants is way more (longer, higher, more intense) of an orgasmic experience).

• She can find some way to create a diversion, such as wriggling her body, coughing, or asking you to slow down.

• She can simply turn down her turn-on so that she feels less. If you’re lucky, this will result in her being able to continue to receive your input. If you’re not so lucky, she might just become numb. Uh-Oh! In Expanded Orgasm, we’d rather not have our partner trying to turn down her energy.

• We’d rather be managing the energy as the giver, so that she’s constantly climbing higher in a measured fashion. Think of yourself as helping her build a stable foundation so she can soar really, really high.

Now why would anyone try to end or lower the flow of pleasure? Simply put, our bodies can’t handle too much, too soon, of anything, without a break. We need pauses in order to assimilate and distribute or (spread out) the pleasure. It’s no different than when we are climbing a set of steps. We pause every now and then to catch our breath and gather our energy to climb higher.

That’s how peaking works. The intentional pause is so important because it allows the receiver to not only “catch her breath”… it literally gives her a chance to add some of her own turn-on! If done correctly, you’ll actually feel her “using” the break to feel even more pleasure and you’ll feel her body reaching for that next pleasurable stretch.

Here’s a diagram that illustrates what happens during peaking:

Expanded Orgasm Pleasure Peaking

You can get the whole report by going here. ==> “The Power and Pleasure of Peaking.”

Once you combine the different foreplay ideas of Erotic Escalation with the notion of taking control by using some of these Power Play strategies and integrating Peaking to let her climb up the orgasmic stair step, you can run the sexual show and she will feel confident that she can relax and just have orgasms for you.

This is advanced sexual strategy. Please begin with a beginner’s mind and take it slowly so you don’t overwhelm her. Elicit a lot of feedback during your lovemaking. And make sure to give her consistent verbal appreciation and recognition for the signals of arousal you see and feel. The more you can tell her she’s getting turned on, the more she’ll feel turned on.

We welcome your comments below. And don’t forget to grab your free Peaking ebook and Erotic Escalation audio. The 21 Erotic Dates inside Expand Her Orgasm Tonight will give you some incredibly hot bedroom games to play together to increase your sexual abilities together.


  1. Have you examined Devotional Sex yet?

  2. superb techniques ; more practice makes perfect as it makes my girlfriend asking for more


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