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Lube Stroking Advice

Lube Stroking Advice

“My wife came home from her 7 week trip and to my surprise she was totally ready to try anything!!”

Dear Susan,

It was really helpful to her that I had done my homework and studied her anatomy.  She loved Patti’s videos and she even thought the squirting looked like fun, but when we tried Tallulah’s material she just ended up sore.

So now we’ve decided to patiently go through Dr. Patti’s program no matter how long it takes, cause my wife’s really appreciating the fact that I’m putting her first and being patient with her.

And you’re right, she wants to “pay me back” even though we haven’t hit the jackpot yet, but she’s very appreciative of all the thoughtfulness and effort.

I ask your support about silicone lubricant. Could it be that she needs better lubricant just for a while to guard against soreness? I think I made the mistake of doing the opening 3 strokes too much because she said she really liked it but then I think it was her urethra hole that got sore. Could that be?

Anyway thank you very much for your help and Dr. Patti’s,


Hi John,

Your questions about her vaginal soreness from the Expanded Orgasm and Female Liquid Orgasm stroking techniques will help a lot of other guys. So I’m going to share your question in a Mailbag.

I’ll get to the soreness and what to do about it but first, you said you are doing the “three opening strokes” from EHOT too much and that’s what got her sore.

The three opening strokes are not meant to be repeated.  That’s why they’re called “opening” strokes. You do them in a series once and then move to the bread and butter “DOing stroke” on her clitoris. That’s the one that prevents her from getting sore or fatigued because of how we teach you to do it.

Now that you’ve learned your way around her pussy through your study of her anatomy, you know that the DOing stroke goes up under the hood of her clitoris and is very gentle… like a butterfly or like when you remove an eyelash from your eye.

Watch the entire “Stroke Techniques Workshop” and notice how to move from The Three Opening Strokes to the Continuity and The Stroke.


Let the goal be pleasure, not performance.

Now, why is her “urethra hole” sore?

I’m not sure if you mean she got sore where her pee comes out – the hole above the opening to her vagina and below her clitoris — or if you man her vaginal opening?

Her vaginal opening is called her introitus.

It’s a sphincter.

For many women, the skin there gets abraded due to friction.

If she was actually sore on her urethral opening, all the advice I’ve written below also applies…

Review the Touch for Rapture ebook <=== Free From Dr. Patti

Review the Touch For Rapture book again. Your are fine-tuning your touch techniques at this point and you’ll be able to get her off with barely any friction or pressure as your fingers master the strokes and she begins to awaken to the sensation.

Try the Touching With Feedback exercise together that is on page 22 of the Sensual Practices Workbook from EHOT.

Also review the 3 Kinds of Touches 5 minute video tutorial.

And make sure your hands are well aligned to her genitals. And use an emory board to file your nails smooth after trimming them short. Also, are YOU sitting comfortably, John? Is her Yoni in a position that doesn’t cause your wrists to break weirdly or you to strain your body?

The DOer’s position is as important and the receiver.


I personally don’t like silicone lubricant as it’s a petroleum-based chemical. I don’t think chemicals should go onto vaginal mucous membranes —at least not mine.

You are in choice, but I’d suggest you spend more time warming her up… more time engorging her… the more blood there is in her vaginal tissue around her urethral opening and her vaginal sphincter, the less the friction will bother her.

Ask yourself if you are going too fast and not warming her up as well as you could?

Re-read the section on Tumescence and Engorgement.

If you are getting her engorged enough, then the lubricating properties of organic avocado and coconut oil are all natural and usually suffice.

If she’s peri-menopausal, menopausal or post-menopausal, her hormonal balance could need bolstering with a combination of estrogen, progesterone, pregnelelone, testosterone and DHEA.

Go to an endocrinologist/gynecologist for blood tests to check her hormone range and ask for estrogen creme for her vagina at a minimum.

She also has the option to take estrogen orally (pills) or to get a time release estrogen patch or an estrogen creme for her body.

If she’s having mood swings, hormone headaches, hot flashes, night sweats, trouble remembering things AND her introitus (opening to her vaginal canal) is sensitive, estrogen will help immensely.

Note: The studies that linked estrogen replacement to cancer have been discredited, but the news only reports on sensation bullcrap, so even doctors are woefully out of touch with current thinking.

If her doctor isn’t up to speed on HRT —hormone replacement therapy —get a new doctor.

When estrogen dips, the vaginal tissue can feel like there’s ground glass in it when you touch it.

Avoid stroking the skin of her vaginal tissue, and instead focus your attention on stroking her subcutaneous tissue.

A DO Date does not actually require that you go inside her vagina. So on the days she’s sore, just do the clitoral strokes.


So if you take the time to get her engorged, follow the DOing steps use plenty of lube, send your intention into her body without a lot of skin friction and you are in a comfortable position where you can stay on her spot when you find it… the only thing left is to bring your masculine energy to the whole date.

Are you getting her turned on? Talking sexy? Moving her body around? Telling her how much you love her and how sexy she is?

When you lead her so she can relax into your strokes… when she can ride your ride… it’s going to be incredible!

I’m so proud of you and your wife for taking on an Expanded Orgasm practice.

Yay for you!

You two will have hot sex now for the rest of your lives with this practice.

Honestly, John, it makes me feel so fulfilled to see how your passion together is blossoming again.

I could cry in gratitude that our work is helping couples re-ignite and go deeper into more intimacy and eroticism together.

Keep me up to date on your progress and let me know if you get stuck.

I Celebrate You!

Get a free ebook from Tallulah, The Truth and Myths About Female Ejaculation here. And here are three free pleasure reports from Dr. Patti bout Touching For Rapture, The Power of Peaking and What Is Expanded Orgasm. You get the first one in email, then a few days later the next, then the next. Read them as you get them to understand more about what John’s doing with his wife in this email.

All is well with John and his wife.

“Susan, Thank you so much for your full of detail response. My wife feels well taken care of. It was her urethra opening as far as we can tell, but it really makes sense that over doing the opening strokes was the problem. She’s was fine the next day. Thanks again, John”

Please forward one of our great emails to a friend or two. We grow to support more lovers through referrals from you.

One Comment

  1. Nice to see this laday in good sex postion so liking and want to follow in personal experience and success in Sexual life and thank you very much for sending me again, the second mail detail dear Susanbrattan, Good Evening to you and your laidies in postions.

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