As a child, when you ran to your parents for help, did you get held and supported?
Did your parents help you put your feelings into words?
Did you get guidance and encouragement for doing your homework or learning a new skill?
If not, you will have insecure functioning that will cause pain in your relating. Read on to see how easy it is to heal these issues.
Watch Here <== How Securely functioning Couples Communicate
HEAL YOUR REACTIONS
In this video interview, I talk with Dr. Susan Campbell about how securely functioning couples communicate.
Sweetie, you learned to communicate based on how you were parented. Even if your parents didn’t protect you or didn’t look into your eyes and tell you, “You are a such a great kid,” you can heal those wounds and become a secure person.
If you obsess or act impulsively… if you struggle with touch… if you try to “fix” instead of expressing feelings… you can learn how to overcome core fears from the way you were parented that are affecting your ability to have a secure relationship.
Find out if you have insecure functioning from either an avoidance based or preoccupied parenting style by watching this interview with Dr. Susan Campbell, author of the excellent new book, “Five-Minute Relationship Repair: Quickly Heal Upsets, Deepen Intimacy and Use Differences To Strengthen Love.”
If you and your partner trigger upset, learn how to stop scaring each other.
Five-Minute Relationship Repair is a complete workbook for singles and couples who know that they react to others in ways that are not positive, warm and comforting.
If you have unspoken issues…
If you live in constant conflict…
Or you want to be in a relationship that is fantastically supportive so that when you go through distress, you’ll know how to communicate in a securely functioning way, then watch this video interview with Susan Campbell, PhD.
HOW SECURE PARTNERS COMMUNICATE
“Securely functioning partners feel safe to reveal vulnerable needs and feelings. They can talk about anything, knowing that if conflicts or misunderstandings occur, they have tools to resolve them. If they feel distressed or have a need, they’ll express it at the appropriate volume level. They won’t have to turn their volume up to get attention. It won’t be mixed with angry protests or anxiety. They won’t shut their signaling down or hide out. They will admit their needs and their fears and reach out for reassurance. And if either partner notices that the other is distressed, they will respond quickly with touch, eye contact, and simple, soft, reassuring messages. Each partner knows what their partner needs to feel safe, and they know how to calm and reassure their partner when needed.
Co-regulation is a natural part of a secure couple’s daily life — not only in response to distress calls, but as a way to nurture their connection. Secure couples touch often. Partners may frequently hug at departures and arrivals and check in with each other throughout the day. Even when they are apart, they will feel connected.
Secure couples know that interdependence is the root of healthy, happy relating. They know that, as couples’ therapist Stan Catkin says, “Relationship is like a three-legged race.” Ongoing happiness is based on both partners staying vertical and moving forward together. The basic rule is: “If you fall, then I fall.” You cannot leave one partner on the ground.
Taking a stance that treats their relationship as a three-legged race, secure partners know that it is in their own best interest to find mutual solutions — and to respond in a caring, helpful way when a partner is in distress. A secure couple has no interest in who is right or who will win if there’s a difference in needs. Partners work together to arrive at a solution that works for both.
As in a three-legged race, if one person feels off balance, that person needs to know how to reach out for help in an open, transparent way as soon as possible. If a distressed partner needs reassurance, the other knows how to quickly respond with co-regulation or comforting verbal messages. Secure couples get triggered, but they have learned how to accept their triggers and quickly reassure safety or repair.” —
Five-Minute Relationship Repair
How Secure Couples Handle Distress ⇐ Get The Book
Stop getting your buttons pushed. Figure out your core issues, heal them and begin to feel secure in your relationships.
Dr. Susan Campbell is an amazing therapist. Her book gives you the guidance to heal yourself, your partner and your relationship.
There’s a wonderful section in the video about establishing a hugging practice that you should not miss!
- Strengthen Your Love.