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The Human Nature of Sex

Why do men like blonde bombshells (and why do women want to look like Barbie)?

Why do men go to prostitutes and watch porn?

Why might handsome men make bad husbands?

Why (and how) are contemporary westerners polygynous – which means multiple women are with one man?

These are just four of the many interesting answers in the book,Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters: from Dating, Shopping, and Praying to Going To War and Becoming A Billionaire — Two Evolutionary Psychologists Explain Why We Do What We Do.”

Two researchers look at evolutionary psychology studies and explain that the reason for everything from suicide bombings to why men beat their wives to why diamonds are a girl’s best friend and just male politicians risk everything for affairs.

Much of our human behavior boils down to sex: To procreation of the species. Our behaviors are dictated by our need to pass on our lineage.

The authors explain in their “Savanna Principle” that we have a Stone Age brain even though we live in the 21st century. We are adapted for hunting and gathering, not for sitting in front of a desk which means our brain gets “tricked” by newfangled situations and technologies.

Our brain has trouble telling the difference between a “friend” on TV and a friend in real life or between a true potential mate and an image of a woman on a porn site. Men are still driven by jealousy which, in human evolution, helped prevent them from having to support a child fathered by another man. Even though today women have reproductive and sexual freedom to have a variety of partners and there is genetic testing now available to determine paternity, men’s Savanna brains still generate jealousy.

This book is about the differences between sexes and how those differences create our culture. “Men and woman are not different because they are socialized differently; they are socialized differently because they are  different.”  Men can sow their seed across thousands of women in a lifetime because sperm production is easy and takes just minutes to impregnate a fertile woman. There is no limit to the number of offspring a man can potentially father.

Women, on the other hand, can only gestate twenty to twenty five pregnancies in a lifetime and it takes her a year to produce a single offspring.

Most women have at least one child but because many cultures around the world include the situation where one man has a number of wives, many men get boxed out of the opportunity to father a child. This is why men are more violent, aggressive and focused on amassing wealth than women. Women gravitate toward men with wealth, even if they have to share them with other women. Poor men do not get to propagate their genes. This is why social behavior and our cultural politics, religion and economics ultimately come down to procreation of the species. The culture of our species is grounded in our reproductive success.

This is why men want to mate with “blonde bombshells” and women want to look like them.  The youthful, plump breasted, small waisted, long blonde hair and blue eyed woman signals fertility and “reproductive value.”  Lush hair is a sign of health. A 36-24-36 measurement is a low .07 waist-to-hip ratio that men around the world prefer. Women like men with a 0.9 waist-to-hip ratio as expressed in

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Why big boobs? Because you can see them sag from a distance across the Savanna. An old woman with saggy boobs is not a candidate for your semen injection. There were no calendars on the Savanna so you had to “eyeball it. “The condition of breast tissue is a dead giveaway of a woman’s age, as is the health and length of her hair.

Why blonde hair? On the Savanna you were naked or lightly clothed but as our ancestors headed north and covered themselves in furs, hair was a visual indication of age. Young girls were blonde and as they aged, their hair color darkened. Men who mated with younger women had increased likelihood of passing on their genetic material.

Why blue eyes? Pupil dilation is an involuntary indication of attraction and easier to see in a light colored iris.

Around the world, people prefer faces that are physically attractive because they are symmetrical and have average instead of extreme features. Apparently pathogens and parasites and genetic inbreeding and mutations distort features and are avoided around the world as unhealthy. Pretty people are actually healthier. Symmetry is a desirable quality because beauty is a signal of health. Mating with a healthy woman further ensures your progeny.

Men don’t need to be handsome. As a matter of fact, attractiveness in men is a detriment to being “husband material.” Why? Because men have two different reproductive strategies called, the Dad or Cad options. Women make the decision about whom to have sex with. Ugly men opt for the Dad strategy. They make money and mate long term to get offspring. Handsome men get the lion’s share of sex partners, “have more extra marital affairs and are not as committed to their marriages, which many wives may consider undesirable.” They take the Cad Strategy.

What about the men who cannot attract a mate and are not attractive enough to be a handsome lover on the side?

They go to prostitutes.

Because women gain no reproductive benefit from having a large number of sex partners — they need only one to help them make the one baby a year they can have — they haven’t historically desired a large number of sex partners. (Though now that women are more financially independent and have birth control available, they are enjoying the ability to have sexual variety on par with men.) Men, on the other hand, can spread their seed infinitely, given access to a variety of women. This “asymmetry in reproductive biology” creates that desire for sexual intercourse with a large number of women. Therefore, prostitution has evolved to satisfy that urge for reproductive variety in men. Women, because they are “the deciders” about whether to have sex with a partner, do not have the equal desire to visit prostitutes.

This is also why men’s sexual fantasies have historically involved a much larger number of women and why women have heretofore preferred the construct of the romance novel. Women primally need to feel adored and sexually irresistible.

And what is this “polygyny?”

That’s when one man has two or more women. It’s quite common throughout the world and the authors posit that humans are naturally polygynous. How do they know? They say because men are taller than women. Because bigger and taller males compete with each other for mates and monopolize a disproportionately higher number of females. That means smaller, less fit men do not get the chance to reproduce. “Thus, through both competition among men and preference by women, only big and tall males can reproduce and pass on their “big and tall” genes to their sons, while most females of all seizes reproduce and pass on their full range of sizes to their daughters.” “Over many generations, males will get bigger and taller while females will retain the same distributions of height and weight in each generation.” Because men are bigger and taller than women and this follows other animals in the kingdom, we are biologically oriented toward being polygynous when wealth is scarce.

The book goes on to explain why women are smaller and mature earlier in polygynous societies.  And that one theory suggests even though humans are naturally polygynous, monogamy is preferred by women when there is a more equal wealth distribution in a society. If there are only a few wealthy males, many women will be with a single man. If there is a wide distribution of wealth, there will be more monogamy. Women do not prefer to share their man unless she does not have a wide enough pool of husbands wealthy enough to support her offspring.

Though you may believe we are monogamous, many evolutionary biologist including the preeminent Dr. Helen Fisher explains that men and women today are serial monogamists (and serial cheaters – mostly in parallel) throughout our lives. Rich men throughout history have had a wife and lover(s) on the side. This is more common for women in the 21st century as well.  A man who divorces and remarries multiple times is the equivalent of a latter day polygynist. The authors also state, “whether married or not, wealthier men in the US and Canada have more sex partners and have sex more frequently than less wealthy men.” The authors go on to explain that more frequent sex for wealthy men is not because wealthy men can afford prostitutes. Actually more women seek rich men out for sex.

The book goes on to answer a litany of fascinating cultural themes including why having sons reduces the likelihood of divorce, why diamonds are a girl’s best friend, and why beautiful people have more daughters.  There are chapters on crime, violence, politics and religion with sound evolutionary research to support our understanding of human nature. The books is not always politically correct, but it is logical. What hit me hard was how we, as wriggling tubes of DNA, have constructed elaborate cultures based on our most primal drive, our sex drive.

The next time you have a “meta-mind moment,” chalk up the behavior you witness to the primal trigger of procreation and see if that explains a little bit of our crazy.

 “Reminder: This is a book review. These are not my personal opinions. I am reporting on only some of the book’s points. I welcome your comments below. “

“An absolute gem of a book. The rare combination of theories we humans find most dear — sex, mating, family, status and violence.” — David M. Buss

21 Responses

  1. “Men prefer blonde blue-eyed women” Maybe white men do but what about us nonwhite men? I have never been attracted to Caucasian women which s the only type that naturally has blonde hair or blue eyes. The majority of the worlds population has brown or black hair(usually black)and brown eyes. I can tell this was wrote by and for white people. Also black women tend to have shorter hair naturally.

    1. Hi Jay,
      I am not sure why the authors took such a Caucasian perspective…
      And I agree that most of the world prefers brunettes.

  2. This article is base off some pretty inaccurate science. I mean terribly so. In many tribal cultures it is believed that it takes many men to impregnate one women, and so sex happens much more freely. In a tribe of 20-150 people, where you grow up with them your whole life, there is not a unequal distribution of resources. In tribal life people share everything. The better “hunter” is not going to be eating bounty while his tribe starves. This has been show repeatedly in wile humans. It is an activity that occurs in a patriarchal farmers world where land and property belong to you alone. Then “height and big” is also relative…there are RATIO’s of female to male height which are desirable and as evidenced by the fall of the Jurassic period and the massive size it brings, being large is not always the best adaption, it is dependent on resources. Neanderthals who were larger then we were, lost the race. If you read sex at dawn, you will see and much better and clearer picture. I know many men who do not prefer blondes at all. I don’t. I expect more from you guys than this.

    1. Hey Ramon,
      Thanks for making this comment. And remember, we are just REPORTING on the book, not making any of those claims ourselves. Don’t shoot the messenger.
      Sex at Dawn is a great book too. I will put it on my list to do a review.

  3. Great Article! I’m 63, and am Turned on by a Healthy Sensual Woman, No matter what her Age, Ethnicity, or Type of Body! True, Big Tits and a Big Ass Turn Me on!

  4. hi there the comments are true and they do manipulate but at the moment im still looking for love and a relationship as I am still single for 45 years and I want to find some one to love me and to care for me when im not strong as I find it difficult when im weak or ill or not healthy and I am wanting more spice in my life and fun and excitement so I hope that I will be with someone soon

  5. Thanks for the summary, and for the subject of the book. Unfortunately, the writers may not have made the best impressions about human sexuality if one should rely only on the premisses utilized in their research. I advise they go back to the drawing table and connect some of the unconnected claims evidently abundant in the book as reviewed. In summary, the book has only raised pertinent controversies about the subject matter. Human sexual preferences are as varied as there are human beings, and as there are socializing agents. It has little to do with color or race as the writers try to claim. The writers also need be reminded that the caveman had neither color nor race, but mated as nature would dictate to them.

    1. Caveman DID have color and race. It was more on the animal level where even today one animal does not covet one of another species except for a few humans with various unnatural reasons and defects.

  6. I think, it’s a primitive perception of relationships of man and woman, and can be refered only to spieces that avoided evolution and stayed in animal state of being. UNFORTUNATELY it’s very widespread today. I didn’t read the book, but i’m not sure that i’ll find there something exept the evidences of degradation of our society and scientific “proves” about the state of things today. This book is good for people who refere thamselves only to flash, body and animal world and are far from spirituality, morals and real culture, not one that we have today, what we call “culture” in modern world is only fooled society, sank in delusions and perversions.

  7. Well-done, incisive.
    Anyone who doesn’t get the part that men and women have instincts and urges that exactly correlate haven’t a clue. Good job of identification of specific situations where they differ, and probably good guesses why.

  8. First off. Evolution is false. Go to and get the facts right. We never evolved, we were created. When I see my beautiful wife, I say evolution my butt.

  9. More Men are bad women are good. This book is biased. Love this site just once, once would like to see criticism of women without the inclusion of Men. Its as if everything women do is because of Men. Women have manipulated Men since the begining, these days its just not PC to criticize the ladies.

      1. Like you men dont! Puh-leez…most of you do belong in the Cad category. Only a few are faithful and great hubbies. The great majority seem to want to be immature lets spread our seed around types that want to cheat and then yell manipulators at the ladies! You all have had thousands of years to be bullies. What you dontblike is that now women arent putting up with it and have more options, as well! .

  10. From reading this article I am going to buy the book. I have always been interested in why we do what we do. Thank you, Susan, for the picture of yourself. I really love it.

  11. Wow, what a fascinating subject and a great summary! Because of you, Susan, I read “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” had my entire board of directors read it, and LOVED the insights it provided into human desire. This new work looks just as poignant, and I’ve just ordered a half dozen copies for my team. Thank you for your incessant curiosity and great ideas!

  12. Great that you’re showing us a review of a book that shows a view of human sexuality and attraction that focusses on the more genetic disposition side of being human. Unfortunately, the examples quoted are really examples of ‘pop’ psychology rather than real science. The ones about blonde hair and blue eyes – puh-leez! Better tell that to about 4/5ths of the global male population who much prefer a ‘solid’ hair color and brown eyes. The evidence DOES state that females consider male attractiveness as an important indicator as to how much they desire a man as a mate BUT it is not as high a priority as physical attractiveness is for men. The one area that is universal (in female attractiveness) is any physical attribute that indicates robust health and ability to be fertile. Hence smooth unblemished skin (regardless of color); symmetrical face (mentioned in your article), healthy hair – normally lustrous because that is hard to fake, and clear sclera (whites of the eyes) – also hard to fake – regardless of the iris color. For men it’s not quite as clear cut but mainly anything that indicates their ability to ‘provide’ for a potential family can be attractive. That could be their material wealth, or their status in society (think poet, writer, minstrel/pop singer) or their apparent ability to influence others with material wealth (think religious figures, or advisors to kings and queens’ etc).

    I haven’t read this book so I cannot comment on the style of writing, but a better book to read on this topic for factual correctness would be: Sex, Evolution and Behavior, by Martin Daly & Margo Wilson. You might have to go to your local library to find it. It’s an oldie but goodie!

    Incidentally, I think we should be clear that evolutionary biology makes claims about the average of human behavior. That does not mean that all men find the idealized woman that is described by these theorists, as the epitome of attractiveness and everything else is ‘second best’. In fact evolution requires there to be differences.

    So if you’re a male and you happen to get turned on by short, red haired, brown skinned, green eyed (wearing glasses) women with small breasts …

    … there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you!

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