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 “She feels she’s too ugly for sex” [Mailbag] 

Today, I want to touch on body image and self-confidence, especially in relationships. 

We often overlook the importance of feeling good in our own skin. Whether you’re 25 or 65, how we see ourselves deeply impacts our lives, our health, and, yes, even our relationships.

As we age, our bodies change. But here’s the thing—those changes don’t diminish our worth or beauty. Our partners often see us as the stunning individuals we are, even if we’re too harsh on ourselves.

When we love and accept ourselves, we open the door to deeper, more meaningful connections with others.

I received an email from a reader that touched my heart. Barry (not his real name) wrote to me about his wife’s struggle with body image after menopause. It’s a story that many of us can relate to in one way or another. 

Check out his email and my response below. 

The Seduction Trilogy ⇐ Discover The Raindrop Seduction Method 

“Hi, Susan,

I am 65 and what most people consider in good shape. I workout, try to eat right, and don’t drink too much. Most people think I look 55, not 65. Which leads me to my wife of 42 years. We have always had a good to great sex life. That is until the dreaded M word entered our lives. Yup, menopause. 

I read up on it to understand what she was going through. I was the understanding husband, and it worked. This is where the problem came in. She put on a few pounds over the years since the M was behind us. Now, my wife has never struggled with weight issues. She is 5’2″ and has a gymnast body. 

She still looks great to me and everyone we know. But not to herself. 

It has gotten to the point where she does not want to be naked in front of me. I know she doesn’t feel comfortable even getting out of the shower. She wraps a towel around herself like she’s on fire. I tell her she looks great, as do our friends. When we do have sex, she pulls the covers up and lights off. She will not even consider getting on top because I can see her. She never had big boobs, but she has perfect nipples. Which I have always complimented her on. She got a hormone patch and grew nice boobs. I don’t know how long she had been wearing this patch. But one morning, I caught her coming out of the shower and said are your boobs getting bigger. She smiled and said yes because of the patch. I said you look great. That helped for a little while. 

Is there anything to get a woman not to be uncomfortable about her body? Thanks in advance.” — Barry (not his real name) 

Dear Barry,

If I’ve gotten a letter like this from a husband once, I’ve gotten it a thousand times. That’s how common it is that women are critical of their bodies while men love most of us the way we are. Here is why I think this happens and what I recommend you do about it.

Women are estrogen-dominant. Estrogen makes us multi-taskers, aware of our surroundings, and paying attention to many things at once. This comes from the fact that, as Homo sapiens, we are the prey, and the males of our species are the predator. The estrogen is watching out to keep us safe from danger. It has to be judging what is going on all the time. It’s a molecule of judgment that makes us also judge ourselves harshly. 

Then advertising takes advantage of our natural self-criticism to make us feel like we are not pretty, so we buy bras to cover our breasts, makeup to attempt to look like a “norm” and to be “thin” so we are appealing and can be hired in businesses run by men. Religious repression telling us not to be “sluts” along with the lack of anatomy and sexuality

education, keep us in the dark about our sexual self-expression. Even when we have our children, we are taught it’s a “medical procedure” rather than something natural that can be done at home. 

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All of these things and a million more little cultural papercuts have us hating our bodies instead of loving them. It is a damn shame. 

Add to this that our men love our bodies, and they get turned on seeing them… so when we cover ourselves or demand darkness, it removes a lot of the turn-on for our guys. It’s a double whammy.

I understand that you love her, love her body, and want to see, touch, and love every part of her. 

The best thing you can do is tell her daily that you find her beautiful. That you love her body. That you don’t see any flaws. That you beseech her to love herself because self-loathing is a horrible thing that her society has done to her. 

Ask her if you can buy her some lingerie that covers her up enough to feel comfortable but still lets you have candlelight for making love. Explain that you crave seeing her body, and you love feeling her flesh. 

Don’t miss a single opportunity to tell her what you find beautiful about her verbally. You may need to tell her a thousand times before she can even take in your words. And then another thousand times for her to begin to believe it.

My husband, Tim, did this, and it took about seven years for me to understand that he thought I looked good. And it was so crazy because I was GORGEOUS! Now, at 62, I love myself more than I did at 42. I am comfortable in my skin. I feel pretty. And I love to be nude and wear lingerie. I have been able to overcome the judgmental nature of my sex and embrace my beauty in the short time I am on the planet. Tell your wife you want this for her.

Never stop trying. Reward and encourage her progress. Keep using all the touch techniques in Passion Patch and see which ones she responds to. 

Next, get our program, Seduction Trilogy.

The first two books in the trilogy explain the four keys to seduction. You use them together in a system to move your wife toward pleasure. Over time, you can increment her up to seducing her for lovemaking. It’s the third book in this trilogy that will be very useful for you to add to the seduction. It’s called Be Her Sexual Trainer. It shows you how to lead her toward her sexual awakening. 

The Seduction Trilogy ⇐ Discover The Raindrop Seduction Method 

I can tell from your letter that she is open to having a romantic, sensual, intimate life with you. She’s just stuck in the American Paradigm of Capitalistic Consumerism that has wreaked her self-acceptance and Religious Shame that has wrecked her natural sexuality. These are still inside her, and your masculine sexual leadership can call them out of her and get her back in your arms.

Don’t give up. Hold the eternal flame of your desire for her, and she will come into the light.

Susan and Tim Driving

All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.

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