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My Partner Is “Wham Bam,” and I Want More Intimacy

Read on to learn how to form an emotional connection during sex.

I’m in Belize this week with my family, scuba-diving the second largest barrier reef on planet Earth. Then at the end of April, I’ll be in Austin, Texas, speaking three times at the Paleo f(x) health conference. If possible, can you come to the event so we can meet? Use my link to get your tickets and let me know you’re attending.

Meet Susan at Paleo f(x) in Austin ⇐ Event Information Here.

There are some fantastic articles we’ve assembled for you this week. Make sure you don’t miss them. And I wanted to talk to you about when your sexual styles aren’t matching with your partner. Read the two emails and my answers. It’s not unusual for partners to struggle to find common ground when one of you wants more intimacy and romance and the other is more oriented toward the body feelings of sex.



Hi Suz, Please help. My wife acts like a dude when it comes to sex. She just wants to get hammered. I want to go slowly. She doesn’t like cuddling after sex. She calls me the girl. I hate it when she says that because it feels demeaning. I tell her I just want to express my love by holding you, not just pounding you. So she gives me sympathy cuddles which aren’t fun because she doesn’t want to.

She’s had a lot of trauma, and I think she is afraid to connect with me for fear of being hurt. I’ve told her I’m never going to leave you, and you are the love of my life. We’ve been together for 25 years. She just won’t change. She feels sex is just for fun and not love. I want to feel loved when we are having sex, and this is breaking my heart. Do you have any suggestions?

Dear Susan, I need your advice. My husband says he needs sex three times a day. His demand seems too much to ask of me, mainly because I’d probably want it more if sex with him were that good for me. But having sex with him seems more like friction than connection. He seems happy getting a blow job, fingering me, and then having intercourse. Although, he wants to do this morning, midday, and before bed — and all the rest of the time, he’s on his computer working. He’ll do things if I plan them, but he seems content to work and have sex seven days a week, year-in and year-out.

My past lovers have been more romantic, seemed really in love with me, held me and hugged me, and were turned on by me. My husband’s emotional tone seems attenuated. I don’t feel his heart when we have sex. It seems like he escapes into the kinesthetic feelings of sex. The story I’m telling myself is that it wouldn’t matter if he were having sex with me or someone else, as long as he was getting it three times a day. It feels like the quantity is his priority, whereas the quality is mine. How can I make this work, so we are both fulfilled?

Read My Solutions To These Mismatched Sexual Styles Here

 emotional connection during sex

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