She never brought it up for fear that I wouldn’t go for it.
On Ken’s wedding night twenty years ago his new bride went down on him.
“When she started doing it I was MORTIFIED…”
“She seemed like she was enjoying it. I just felt so bad for her that I wasn’t able to orgasm and shortly afterward finally asked her if she could stop. It just seems like such a demeaning position for her to be in and I would never want to make her feel that way.”
He never had the courage to actually go down on his wife. He was worried she’d think he was a freak. He wasted almost 20 years of pleasure because he had gotten the message that oral was degrading when it’s one of the most beautiful, intimate ways lovers can pleasure each other.
Obviously, she wanted him to go down on her. She went down on him right in the beginning. Then didn’t get any oral pleasure from him for the last two decades.
“From what I have read from your email messages and elsewhere, it seems like orally pleasuring her would really make her feel so good and loved too. It is a very intimate act and would take some time to work up to it without feeling awkward or weird.”
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN
Ken simply didn’t understand that oral pleasure is as orgasmic and exciting for the giver as the receiver. It’s only awkward and weird if you’ve been subject to sexual repression. And nearly all of us have been shamed or repressed in one way or the other by society, religion, our family, our friends, someone we dated, the media…
When you learn to recognize the places where you’ve been held back from deepening your pleasure and intimacy, you can begin to learn pleasuring skills that make you more confident to know what to do.
Yesterday I did a live, online event for a women’s dating coach with his clients. One woman asked how she could get good at giving oral. She was re-entering the dating world at 57 and wanted to be “ready” when she found a guy. It’s never too late to increment your techniques. I turned her on to our Steamy Sex Ed® Video Collection (get on the VIP list here to be notified about our 65% off Holiday Sale on the newly remastered Steamy videos)
And here is a video I created with 8 oral pleasuring skills from Steamy that you can have for free right now.
10X Your Oral Sex ⇐ Video and eBook With Oral Techniques from Steamy Sex Ed®
MAKE YOUR ORAL TEN TIMES BETTTER
Discover the 6 aspects of oral sex, the mind/body connection, and what the masculine and feminine crave. Learn how to give your partner extreme pleasure with four free oral techniques. Use these as the foundation of a library of positions and techniques to explode your orgasmic potential.
I tend to think of you, as one of those rare people who is a sexual seeker… Someone who prioritizes your sexuality as an important part of your life… And I often assume you are more sexually liberated than your friends.
Yet, I forget how much repression has impacted so many of us. Shame that holds us back from deepening our intimacy and pleasure. Couple that with the unwillingness to risk trying new things… and we leave a lot of pleasure unmet.
Ken’s wife wanted to get a vibrator too, but she never brought it up for fear that he wouldn’t go for it. When you accidentally shame your partner, it shuts down a lot of their desire. Maybe this is the time to ask your lover if there’s anything they’d like to try that they’ve been worried about discussing. It’s never too late for your sexual renaissance.
Like everything in sex, you get better with practice. What at first seems overwhelming, becomes pleasurable when you do it a few times.
