The two main reasons we make love are to connect intimately and feel pleasure together. Sex toys can be a delicious addition to our lovemaking, but even today, most couples are underperforming in incorporating toys into their sexy time. Further, boredom is the death knell for your sex life. The suitable toys can add zest.
Have you heard of “The Orgasm Gap?” Coined by Dr. Laurie Mintz, this phrase signifies the delta between how often men versus women achieve climax from intercourse. Men orgasm 95% of the time during penis-in-vagina PIV sex. Women orgasm only 65% of the time. This gap leads to sexual dissatisfaction in heterosexual partners.
The easiest way to bridge the Orgasm Gap is to incorporate sex toys during penetrative sex. Yet, according to 3,184 participants in my Sexual Attitudes Survey 2.0* Most lovers rated themselves as novices in Using Sex Toys As Part of Lovemaking.
56.31% Novice
31.19% Intermediate
12.50% Advanced
SEX TOY USAGE DURING LOVEMAKING
Women rank themselves highest on these:
44% Giving Him Oral Pleasure
37% Making Love/Intercourse/Coitus
35% Foreplay Skills
Men rank themselves highest on these:
57% Giving Her Oral Pleasure
50% Foreplay Skills
39% Making Love/Intercourse/Coitus
Not surprisingly, people rank themselves highest on the things they often do together, which are foreplay, oral, and intercourse. This is the typical man/woman love-making scenario. On average, men ranked themselves 26% higher than women. However, look at the rankings by skill. In that case, the most significant difference is in foreplay, oral is medium, and the slightest difference in reported skill concerns intercourse.
Since men perform more of the foreplay, they rank themselves 44% better than women do. Men rank themselves 29% better at oral. Again, men more frequently perform oral during sex than women do. They tend to oral pleasure their partner for longer. And they have more confidence in their oral skills. When you get to coitus, there is only a 5% increase in ranking by men versus women.
Men typically rank themselves higher on sexual surveys for two reasons. Not because they are more skilled in bed but because testosterone makes them think they are. And because they spend more time actively giving versus receiving. Even with increased activation, women are still less satisfied by intercourse.
Using sex toys during intercourse can help bridge the orgasm gap by increasing sexual satisfaction. Sex toys create orgasms. And trying new things in the bedroom generates “new relationship energy,” even in long-term couples.
With only 12% of lovers feeling confident when integrating sex toys into lovemaking, there is much room for increasing pleasure during sex!
Here are a few common reasons why couples are not using sex toys when during sex:
- Consider toys solo pleasuring devices only
- I Feel like using toys is a crutch for poor sexual skill
- Embarrassed to use them in front of a partner
- Don’t know what kind of toys to use for mutual pleasure
- Afraid they may make noise that kids would hear
- Think they should be able to pleasure without the need for reinforcements
- A million other limiting beliefs based on societal programming and lack of knowledge
- Cost
- Fearful it will desensitize a woman’s clitoris or make her unable to orgasm without a toy
I don’t need to belabor the case for using tools. We brush our teeth with toothbrushes, wear glasses, drive cars, and use computers. Tools improve nearly every aspect of our lives already. It’s time to embrace the incremental pleasure available to you by adding a toy or two to your bedroom game. However, MANY people have been misled to think that using a sex toy will make it harder for a woman to orgasm without using one.
Sex toys improve orgasmic ability. And as you’ll see later in this article, layering in clitoral stimulation during penetration increases sexual satisfaction and expands her ability to orgasm from different kinds of stimulation. Sex toys expand neural pathways from the vulva to the brain. When a woman trains her body to come using different toys, she increases her orgasmic capacity. Every woman prefers various toys: pulsators/thrusters, vibrators, air stimulation or suction, internal+external, buzzy vs. rumbly vibration, and lapping stimulation. But as she is introduced to the other types of stimulation, her body learns to orgasm from those. Using sex toys expands one’s ability to feel and get off various sensations.
Since this article focuses on clitoral stimulation while being penetrated, the pulsator/thruster and the dual internal+external toys are irrelevant because both are introduced into the vagina during operation. The air simulation or suction vibrators are too hard for most women to get latched on during penetration. It’s best to stick to toys that use vibration for intercourse.
HOW TO CHOOSE A SEX TOY
You are not less of a lover when you use pleasure toys on yourself or your partner. Instead, you are a more sophisticated, adventurous, fun partner when you use sex toys for increased satisfaction. For coupled man/woman monogamous partners, there are three basic kinds of toys I recommend as starters for including during intercourse: A clitoral stimulator, a penis ring, and, if you have ED. This PulsePlate device doesn’t require you to be hard to have pleasure together.
LOVEMAKING TOY BASICS
Start with these two toys if you have a full function:
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— Susan Bratton, Intimacy Expert To Millions, is the author of 35 books and programs that transform having sex into making love. She’s a spokesperson for GAINSWave and GAINSWave For Her and a sexual biohacker. Download her Seven Stimulating Sex Positions illustrated guide to see how you can incorporate toys into more of your couple’s play. Download 7 Stimulating Sex Positions Illustrations
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All information from Susan Bratton, Personal Life Media, The20, and our collective brands are personal opinions. The statements made within this email/website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These statements and the products of this company are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek consultation from your doctor.
