There’s a groundswell of interest in this new-old way of making love.
Yet only 26% of sex-positive adults have heard the term.
Tantric sex has been around for centuries. It appeals to modern-day couples because of its heart-centered approach to pleasure. Read on to discover the three most significant benefits and the most famous Tantric sex position.
What is Tantric sex?
Tantric sex is a genre of sexuality that incorporates more reverential, slow, connected sexual experiences. The hallmarks are often called Neo-Tantra or Red Tantra to delineate it from the Yogic Tantra practices. The hallmarks are a conscious approach to communication, more breath and eye contact, and active heart connection between lovers. Tantric sex often incorporates ritual into the experience. There is a focus on “divine spirituality” in tantric lovemaking.
Because orgasm is blissful, it can be used as a meditation practice that allows lovers to touch source or Gaia or god in their union.
Many people consider tantric orgasms to be extended full-body orgasms rather than friction orgasms generated from direct stimulation of the clitoris or penis. Consider Tantra a slow, heart-connected approach to honor your beloved. The techniques are a way to build arousal and turn-on over time. Tantra relies on incorporating eye gazing, breathwork, and sensual touch to create these heightened experiences.
What are the origins of tantric sex?
Spiritual sexuality originated in India and Tibet in the third and fourth centuries and continued to evolve with the Kashmir Shaivists in the ninth and tenth centuries. Today’s modern Tantric sex was propelled by Osho or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, a cult sex guru who came to fame in the 1980s. The Netflix documentary Wild, Wild Country is a fascinating exploration of the devotees of Osho. Modern-day Tantra teachers have incorporated many of the concepts of Osho into their version of Western sexual enlightenment. Neo-Tantra continues to evolve through workshops and teachings often focused on Yoni and Lingam worship. The Yoni is the Sanskrit word for a woman’s genitals; Lingam is the male equivalent.
What are the three benefits of tantric sex?
1) Conscious, Heart-Connection
The core tenet of Tantric sex is to connect hearts in divine sexual union. Moving from performative, friction-oriented sex to feeling deep love and heart-opening appreciation for your beloved is the most significant benefit of this practice. Because Tantra is a practice, you get better at opening your heart as you do it repeatedly. Tantra can transform having sex into being a spiritual, reverent experience of ecstatic bliss.
The notion of Tantric sex being conscious simply means there is no hiding behind shame. Both partners enter into a loving experience, speaking their desires and needs in the loving security of trust. Creating a safe container for sex is a core tenet of Tantric sex. When partners consider their lover as being as important as themselves, they honor the partner in a way not always depicted in modern-day sexuality. This honor is a crucial part of Tantric lovemaking.
2) Multi-Sensory Orgasmic Experience
Tantric sex integrates the senses. From eye connection to opening one’s heart — from Tantric breathwork designed to increase arousal — the feelings are vital for Tantric lovemaking. When people are asked to define Tantric orgasm, often they associate it with not ejaculating. This is inaccurate. Tantric orgasm has gotten conflated with semen retention, which is an ancient Taoist practice. Tantric orgasms teach you to feel orgasmic pleasure throughout your body, rather than sensation isolated in your genitals. Expanding orgasm to a full-body experience by leveraging slow sex, heart connection, and eye contact along with rituals such as creating a sensual environment with candles or low lighting and seductive music are the core tenets of Tantric sex.
3) Genital Worship
Tantric sex moves the act of intercourse from the main event to part of the overall experience. More attention is on genital worship, manual massage, and awakening the G-Spot for women and P-Spot for men. The G-Spot is a secondary erectile system in a woman’s vulva called the urethral sponge. This area can hold emotion which is released through G-Spot activation or palpation. Female ejaculation is often achieved through manual stimulation of the clitoris and urethral systems. All women can ejaculate, and all orgasms are simply learned skills for both sexes and across all gender expressions. Yoni massage is a crucial tenet of Tantric pleasuring. Giving a woman a manual genital massage where she can simply receive pleasure is one of the beautiful gifts of Tantric sex.
Male pleasure is of equal importance in Tantric lovemaking. There is an expansion of happiness in multiple ways. First, the prostate or P-Spot is the male equivalent to the G-Spot. Pleasuring the prostate via internal or external (through the perineum) stimulation can result in powerful orgasmic pleasure for men. The Blended orgasm combines both prostate and penile pleasuring simultaneously. Men who are open to expanding their pleasure potential beyond just the penis can reach new heights of orgasmic bliss. The Lingam massage where men are encouraged to relax and receive hands-on penis pleasure is one of the most profound aspects of Tantric sex. Too often, men don’t get genital pleasuring due to them. Slowing down and honoring a man’s penis and testicles and exploring his prostate for P-Spot orgasms is another aspect of the respectful nature of Tantric sex.
Tantric sex widens the pleasure palette by incorporating these additional types of orgasms, but it’s not limited to manual pleasure only. Long, slow, profoundly heart-connected intercourse is a fundamental part of Tantric lovemaking. The Lotus or Yab Yum sex position is the most well-known of all Tantric sex positions. You’re encouraged to use pillows or modify this position to suit your level of flexibility.
The Famous “Lotus” Sex Position
YAB YUM OR LOTUS SEX POSITION
Here are directions from my 7 Stimulating Sex Positions illustrated guide.
He sits upright with his legs crossed or if he’s flexible, with his feet together and knees butterflied open. He can support his back or knees with pillows, whatever makes him comfortable. Then she climbs into his lap and wraps her legs around him, so her feet come together at the base of his spine. She’s sitting on his lap facing him, her legs over his.
Adjust your position according to your body dynamics. This is the open-legged Yab Yum position. Find your comfort zone so you can just relax and be together. If you can’t get comfortable in an upright position, modify the position by lying down and facing each other.
Now synchronize your breath and feel what happens to your energy. Typically, a man’s lungs are bigger than a woman’s. So, ladies, you’ll want to breathe more deeply. And men, you’ll want to breathe a little more shallowly than usual, so the two of you can match your breath.
You can either breathe in at the same time and then out at the same time or cycle your breath, so one inhales as the other exhales and vice-versa. You’re face to face, very close as you breathe this way. You can even get so close that you’re almost touching or touching lips as you breathe together.
When you get the rhythm going, you’ll feel sexual energy start to fill your body. As you continue to breathe, imagine breathing down to your genital area. This will build up the sexual energy.
Another aspect of Yab Yum that makes it unique is the ease of making eye contact with your lover. In this sense, it’s a very connected position, perfect for slow, Tantric lovemaking.
When two people decide to play with their sexual energy consciously, it’s best to begin by simply looking into each other’s eyes with a very soft gaze. It can be a little edgy for some people to look into a lover’s eyes. It’s such a powerful act of intimacy. You’re naked and vulnerable in an utterly unguarded no-place-to-hide sort of way. It’s a perfect opportunity to practice letting go of your thoughts as much as possible. Let go of any assumptions you’ve made about the person in front of you. Become curious about who your love truly is. Look past the personality and beyond all the stories you tell about them, or they know about themselves. Look into their eyes and just allow their essence to reveal itself.
Then bring your attention back to yourself. Notice how you feel physically. Notice how your emotions are running. Notice if you have any mental chatter going on. Tune in to how these various aspects of your experience affect you. If the eyes are the window to the soul, what do you see when you look at your lover?
It’s said that the heart is the doorway to the infinite. I want you to start feeling into your soul as you gaze into your lover’s eyes. What’s in your heart when you look at your beloved?
You can take this practice to the next level by shifting focus and going back and forth from focusing on yourself to putting your attention on your partner as you breathe in and out together. Connecting your breath and breathing together is a beautiful way to deepen your connection. When you’re ready, you can add the element of touch. Reach out and take your lover’s hands. Or place your hand on their heart and bring their hand to rest on yours.
You can enhance your Yab Yum session by purposely engaging all five of your senses. Use aromatic oils. Play soft, sensual music. Feed each other a piece of fruit or chocolate.
Bring flowers into the room. Use body oils to bring your sense of touch alive and activate the sensual grid that is your skin. Get creative and find ways to delight all of your senses.
Another way to play with sexual energy is to use intention to spread it through your body. Energy follows intention, so be very attentive when you’re making love. Men, when you’re inside a woman, send your sexual energy down through your manhood and into her body. With intentional focus, she’ll feel your masculine energy as you enter her sacred place. Focus more on feeling her than pushing in and out of her or having her grind on your penis. It’s all about sending sexual energy into her Yoni.
Women, allow yourself to open and feel your partner’s masculine energy. See if you can let his yang flow up inside your body like a river. Then let it flow back into his body. Most importantly, have fun with this. Sexual energy is exciting to play with, and it can take you to even higher levels of pleasure.
The Yab Yum is so pleasurable because multiple forms of stimulation are available when you’re face to face. He can stimulate her breasts. She can stimulate his nipples. Either of you can initiate a deep French kiss after you’ve practiced the mutual breathing. This position is not about thrusting. Try and activate your Yoni and Lingam. Use muscle control for movement. Make the movements subtle and use more arousal energy than physical momentum. Yab Yum is excellent practice for using the rest of the body to amp up your desire.
Slow, heart-centered honoring of your partner is the foundation of Tantric lovemaking. Give this a try, and remember that practice makes perfect!
