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9 Intimacy Techniques

I hope you made it through this week with your heart and mind not too bruised up. When the world feels cataclysmic, friendship and nature are two ways to salve the soul. So are the free lovemaking intimacy techniques I’m giving you this week. What a motherlode of fun-loving! (Scroll down to see them all listed out for you.)


As I’ve been recovering in bed from coronavirus, I’ve been scrolling my Facebook feed to balance the news I consume with pictures of 2020 graduates, blossoming spring flowers, silly pet antics, and travel adventure memories.

It’s made me realize I need to thicken the walls of my personal bubble a bit so I’m not taking emotional hits from the postings of those whose values are not a match with mine. Probably like you, I try to be open to everyone’s opinions without it royally pissing me off. A little yin with the yang… salt with the pepper… ridiculous with the sublime…

And though I’ve unfriended, blocked, and snoozed a few people, posts from other of my friends have deepened my appreciation for them.


One such person is a friend whose job is unique. She’s a Tantric bodyworker. Tantra, in this case, means sexual. Annie is a sexy masseuse. She uses intimacy techniques such as a hands-on healing sexual release and re-education through touch and talks.

A Tantric Dakini is a female who does sexual bodywork. The male version is called a Daka. Some of her customers have a single session. Other’s are regular clients who’ve been with her for years.

Every post I read from Annie on Facebook impressed me. She is deeply thoughtful and highly intelligent. I was drawn to set up a video chat date with her to catch up. It had been years since we’d seen each other. I called her on my Facebook Portal device which is my new “home phone of the 21st century.” The video feels more alive than a typical Zoom call. The Portal Plus is in my living room. I sit on my couch and have video calls with friends when I have enough strength.

I asked Annie quite a few questions about what it’s like to be a Tantric Dakini. And here’s what she told me. (Scroll down.)



Annie said most of her customers are men. I asked her, “What are the main reasons men come to see you?” “What are the big “aha’s” you’ve gleaned in 15 years of being a hands-on sexual masseuse?”

Most men come to her because they’ve been traumatized or feel ashamed. She then helps them get in touch with their body and feel more sensations.

Her big “aha” is that men are not taught how to receive. They are “givers” and think this is the right thing to do during intimacy.

She awakens the P-Spot in many men to help them feel more pleasure.

For others, she focuses on helping them understand their female partner’s experience of intimacy… how a woman’s genitals are much more delicate than a man’s… how “invasive” it is to be entered… slowing down… feeling every moment of intimacy instead of “checking out” and going through the motions… staying present instead of trying to escape from sensation… how to touch for pleasure instead of just to make HER feel good…

It was good to get her insights because these are the same things Dr Patti and Jim Benson have been teaching here at Personal Life Media. Dr Patti’s free ebook, Touch For Rapture (get it here), explains how to stop “touching for effect.”


Touching for effect is when you touch someone to make them feel good, but you are not connecting with how good it feels for yourself. When you Touch for Rapture (details about how to do this in the book), you are touching for your own pleasure, which then transfers pleasure to your lover.

Jim Benson’s Tuning Fork Technique — the idea that when you show your pleasure it amplifies your lover’s pleasure — is the same thing Annie teaches to men as she gets them in touch with feeling pleasurable sensation.

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Many guys brag to me about what good lovers they are. They base it solely on how much pleasure they give their partner. It’s out of their awareness that they are leaving HALF the joy of intimacy out of the pleasure equation by not incorporating themselves and their own pleasure into the experience.

A truly masterful lover is a person who has learned how to receive it. The giving and receiving of pleasure combined take you to the next level of rapture.

Overcoming trauma or shame or expanding your lover skillset, body awareness, and expanding your ability to feel pleasure are skills you can continue to improve.

And for those of you interested in Annie’s services, she’s based in San Francisco. I also know a Tantric masseuse in New York. Tantric masseurs are in most major cities. I suggest you look through Craigslist if you’re interested in such services.  And remember, if you are partnered, you can heal each other with hands-on stimulation. Most lovers heal each other’s wounds

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