“Soulmates are co-created.”
It’s easy to get seduced by the seemingly endless stream of articles and blogs that regurgitate the same old list of “signs” that you’ve found your soulmate:
“You’ll know you’ve found The One when your love is so intense it takes your breath away…”
“… when you feel a strong physical as well as an emotional attraction…”
“… when you can share all your desires and your fantasies…”
“… when you make love all night or pillow-talk until the sun comes up…”
In my experience, these are superficial, romanticized ideals that have little to do with the day-to-day moments in time that make up your life together.
There is no one perfect person out there who “completes” you. There are all kinds of wonderful people who you can co-create a beautiful, passionate life with… when you use tools like this Sexual Soulmate Pact I’m about to share with you.
With this simple Sexual Soulmate Pact model, your relationship and intimacy will flourish!
The Sexual Soulmate Pact takes into account the fact that we all have an essential, animalistic nature. Think of it as your hedonistic side, the pleasure-seeking aspect of human beings. I’ve taken to calling this essential part of me “my animal.”
When I say hedonistic, I’m not talking about greed and gluttony. I’m talking about the pure joy of having a physical body with inbuilt pleasure circuits.
Human beings are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The first agreement in the Sexual Soulmate Pact harnesses the power of that hard-wiring and parlays it into more and more pleasure.
As well, we human animals are hormonally-driven. Women especially find that what they desire changes not just from day to day, but minute to minute. That tends to confound guys… because what worked to drive her wild yesterday isn’t having any effect today.
Because of the particularly cyclical nature of the female animal (and many men too), it’s important to pinpoint desires at the moment and let your lover know that today you want it slow and soulful or fast and fun or whatever your body desires.
The Sexual Soulmate Pact consists of two parts. (1) Feedback loops and (2) Giving Each Other Permission.
PART ONE: FEEDBACK LOOPS
Here’s the agreement you should have with your partner.
“I will give you feedback during lovemaking and when I do, you will understand that I am ‘reporting in from my animal’.”
This understanding shifts the whole notion of feedback from potentially threatening to totally cooperative, from “you’re doing it wrong” to “we can discover what gives each of us the most pleasure if we tell each other while we’re making love.”
Said simply: you agree to have an open feedback loop so you can become better and better at pleasuring each other.
PART TWO: GIVING EACH OTHER PERMISSION
The second part is about a 2-word phrase you say when your partner gives their feedback.
This 2-word phrase helps you give each other full and safe permission. Making it much easier for each other to say whatever you want without the risk of criticism or shame.
The 2-word phrase is “Thank You.” Yes. It’s as simple as that.
Sometimes, in the heat of intimacy, we replace “Thank You” with “Ok, baby.” But they serve the same purpose.
By saying “Thank you,” you assure your partner that you haven’t taken their feedback as criticism about your style, only as information about what their body wants.
They won’t have to worry about upsetting you when you respond cooly. A simple non-emotional, “Thank you,” lets them know you heard them clearly.
That’s all it takes.
It may sound simple, but simple works. Simple is what gets the job done.
Too many lovers DO NOT do these two steps, and because of that their relationship and intimacy start to diminish in time. That’s because they don’t make it safe for each other to give feedback. They make it seem like feedback is an attack or a criticism.
Nobody wants to be attacked. Nobody wants criticism.
However, if you make it safe to give loving, heart-connected feedback, your relationship, passion, and intimacy will flourish.
Try this with your partner starting tonight. Let me know the wonders that will happen for you next.
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