Surprised at what is #1? OMG!
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Based on early results, women say the three most important attributes of a lover are:
- Physical cleanliness
- Being present and emotionally connected
- Communication skills
Men say the three most important attributes of a lover are:
- Physical cleanliness
- Giving oral sex (I can’t tell you how important it is to give men regular, enthusiastic fellatio.)
- (tie) Emotional Maturity and Being present and emotionally connected
If you’re the man, I suggest manscaping by trimming back your pubic hair, including those hairs that grow on the shaft of the penis. (Don’t shave with a razor as it makes stubble and ingrown hairs. Here are the tools I recommend and use myself. ==> The Visual Inch)
Check with your partner to see what kind of pubic grooming appeals to them. Every person is different.
Trim your fingernails and clean your hands thoroughly. If you have a job that makes your hands look perennially dirty, try this. Use dental floss daily and get regular dental hygienist cleanings for your teeth. And watch how much onion and garlic you eat if it affects your breath. Then shower before sex and you’ll make your partner very happy.
I’ve done two videos on how to be present during sex with Jim Benson:
The Tuning Fork Technique That Triggers Her Intense Orgasms <== Presence Explained
The Come Together Workshop Experience <== A Presence Technique
Both of these videos explain how to be more present and less “in your head” trying to DO your lover instead of just simply connecting with her.
As far as communication skills, this article on, “Two Option Leading” describes not just one but two communication strategies that are the foundation of great bedroom relating.
The first is an agreement you two share where she doesn’t need to use any manners and you hungrily appreciate all the feedback she can give you. It works for men equally as well. It’s simply called, the “Thank You Agreement.” Though it’s ok to just say, “OK, baby” instead of “Thank you” when he or she gives you feedback.
The more you encourage feedback, the better lover you’ll become.
Feedback is a turbo booster for giving incredible pleasure. Feedback is the cheat sheet to an A+ sexy time.
But not everyone is tuned into what their body wants from day to day, from moment to moment. The more sex you have, the more experience you can draw from. But each of us is an ever-evolving sexual creature whose desires, if we allow them, are constantly changing and building on new experiences. So if you’re not sure what you want, you just know what’s happening isn’t IT, then using this next skill will help you begin to get closer to your own desire.
The second communication skill — Two Option Leading — is important because it’s a powerful way to escalate your lover’s arousal without taking them out of their sexual trance state of relaxation.
Imagine if I said, “How do you want me to lick your shaft?”
Versus me saying, “Do you want me to lick faster up and down or more slowly around this way?”
Wouldn’t it be easier for you to day, “faster” or “slower?”
Give two choices instead of an open-ended question during lovemaking allows your lover to give you feedback without having to think too hard.
Start with the Thank You Agreement and Two Option Leading as your fundamental communications skills. Explain them to your partner and try them out.
Soon you will be getting the feedback you need to give your lover more intense pleasure while feeling more confident that you are doing a great job.
And remember, guys want Blow Jobs. If you are not absolutely fantastic at giving oral pleasure I suggest these two resources:
The Steamy Sex Ed Video Collection <== Get On The VIP List For Early Access
Watching beautiful couples demonstrate 40 fellatio and 20 cunnilingus techniques as well as 22 oral sex positions will give you a treasure trove of moves to delight each other with confidence and pleasure. Play along as you watch or memorize these moves and have your partner thrashing and moaning in ecstasy.
The Blow Job Secret <== Here’s A Special Discount
Some women relish giving head to their man. They know some things other women don’t know that make fellatio as orgasmic for her as for him. The Blow Job Secret busts wide open all the truths and myths about how to get off while giving oral. This is a sex-life-altering downloadable book full of incredible insights that will give you a whole new perspective on fellatio.
Hey, we know what makes sex extraordinary.
A little knowledge, a few agreements, and a willing partner and you are set up for sexcess!
So go draw a bath and get sudsing!
*What Makes A Great Lover Survey partner is Intimate Arts Center.